Hello everyone!
It is I, your friendly neighborhood TJ, here to provide you with an update on the latest Abandon Hope, which I first teased a little over a month ago. This delay has been extremely unprofessional on my part, but I’m sure that you understand that a huge part of the re...
2020-03-23 19:40:30 +0000 UTC
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Coming in with that early Friday episode for those in different time zones.
Here's the joke for today:
"What does a Borg-Again Christian say?
Rᴇsɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴇʀᴍᴏɴɪᴢɪɴɢ ɪs ғᴜᴛɪʟᴇ.
2020-03-20 18:50:07 +0000 UTC
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I used to have two kidneys. Then I grew up.
Nᴏᴡ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴋɴᴇᴇs.
2020-03-20 18:49:49 +0000 UTC
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A farmer counted 48 cows on his property.
But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
Audio attached.
2020-03-18 22:02:54 +0000 UTC
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What do you call a door when it's not a door?
Aᴊᴀʀ.
2020-03-16 23:52:45 +0000 UTC
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Tune in tonight to watch us cover the first 1-on-1 debate between Sen. Sanders and V.P. Joe Biden.
Watch it Here ☾ https://bit.ly/2vooT25 ☽
2020-03-15 23:13:26 +0000 UTC
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WHO THE FUCK FARTED.
2020-03-14 01:36:25 +0000 UTC
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"What do we want?"
"A cure for dementia!"
"When do we want it?"
"Want what?"
2020-03-14 00:53:51 +0000 UTC
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A TJ livestream
2020-03-12 06:45:45 +0000 UTC
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Why won't ants get the coronavirus?
They have ᴀɴᴛʏ-ʙᴏᴅɪᴇs.
ᴬᵘᵈᶦᵒ ᵃᵗᵗᵃᶜʰᵉᵈ.
2020-03-12 00:23:32 +0000 UTC
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My favorite word is "drool."
Iᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʀᴏʟʟs ᴏғғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏɴɢᴜᴇ.
2020-03-10 01:04:57 +0000 UTC
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In the shadow of TJ, there is Paul. In the shadow of Paul, there is Scotty. In the shadow of Scotty, there is.....SNAKE! Join Scotty and Taylor for another rambling diversion from reality.
2020-03-07 04:57:58 +0000 UTC
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Here's my joke for this evening:
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? There's such balance in nature.
Goddamn, I'm brilliant. I should make a living in stand-up!
...
2020-03-06 23:01:00 +0000 UTC
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What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill?
Walking... ᴊᴋ, ʀᴏʟʟɪɴɢ.
2020-03-06 21:01:00 +0000 UTC
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We streamed it live for everyone, but the archived copy is yours and yours alone, dear patrons. The plebs will have to settle for a mere preview. REVEL IN YOUR SUPERIORITY!
2020-03-04 16:27:10 +0000 UTC
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Tell me what you think, bitches.
2020-03-03 05:23:42 +0000 UTC
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a ʀᴇɢɪsᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ 6 ᴏғғᴇɴᴅᴇʀ.
Audio coming soon.
2020-03-03 01:11:30 +0000 UTC
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Audio attached. Sophia made sure of it.
2020-02-29 02:32:28 +0000 UTC
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Audio attached.
*SCREECHING HALT*
WOAH HOLD THE FUCK ON. Who let the 5 dollar patrons in here? This succulent dish is for the ELITE $10 patrons. PATREON!!!!
2020-02-29 01:50:48 +0000 UTC
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Still working on video in the new studio, but we still have a Flash Fried for you!
2020-02-27 23:36:49 +0000 UTC
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Tonight's Flash Fried is postponed until tomorrow.
2020-02-27 02:19:47 +0000 UTC
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I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also ᵗᵉʳʳᶦᵇˡᵉ.
Audio attached.
2020-02-24 21:21:24 +0000 UTC
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It's the battle for 2nd place!
Audio attached.
2020-02-22 00:44:19 +0000 UTC
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A plateau is the highest form of ғʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀʏ.
Audio attached.
2020-02-22 00:12:30 +0000 UTC
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You know what to do.
2020-02-21 06:50:57 +0000 UTC
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Audio attached for ya
2020-02-20 03:51:00 +0000 UTC
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What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can't be topped!
Audio attached.
2020-02-18 00:21:46 +0000 UTC
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AUDIO VERSION AVAILABLE BELOWWWWW
2020-02-15 02:01:00 +0000 UTC
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AUDIO VERSION BELOW
2020-02-14 22:52:34 +0000 UTC
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I'm not sure if I will release this one publicly or not. I may want to refine my arguments a bit more before taking this to a mass audience. But I suppose that all depends on what you guys think. So here it is in all of it's ranty glory. Your opinions are highly welcome.
Audio attache...
2020-02-13 04:00:47 +0000 UTC
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