JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh Joanne!
Poe: I'm
Poe: I
Poe: I really did not expect to see you again
Rowling: oh really edgar? and why wasss that?
Poe: because of that whole Olympics business
Poe: you know with imane khelif
Poe: all that stu...
Poe: [stripping to reveal his swimmer's physique] so while i'm telling this story, i'm just gonna swim a few laps here in the potomac
William Hope Hodgson: please feel free!
Hodgson: [muscles bulging as he does crunches] do you mind if i bench press this enormous weight while i listen?
P...
Laird Barron: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the story of eldritch forces beyond mortal ken
Lovecraft: oh this is my favorite kind of story!
Barron: of course the protagonist is a big tough manly man's man
Lovecraft: what
Barron: this guy is a real ...
2024-09-16 17:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostHildur Knutsdottir: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the night guest
Knutsdottir: its about a woman who gets a full night's sleep so you would think she would be well rested (she's not)
Knutsdottir: it's almost like something is possessing her whil...
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this-
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyy stephano king
Musk: mi amico eyyyy!
King: we're not friends elon
Musk: eyyy! stephano king! why you so obsessed with me?
King:
Musk: ok ok i will give you a c...
L Ron Hubbard: hey pal its me your old pal honest ron
Hubbard: and i've got a great deal for you today, friends
Hubbard: this handy dandy little AI can write all your books for you, friends
Hubbard: with just the push of a button!
Hubbard: no more slaving over a hot typewriter!
2024-09-11 18:36:52 +0000 UTC
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Colin Hinckley: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the back lord
Hinckley: what if there was a monster in the woods behind your house
Hinckley: and it wanted to eat... YOUR SON????
Stephen King: no!
King: not my boy joe!
King: anything ...
John Wiswell: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the asexual succubus
Wiswell: it's about a succubus who's different from the stereotypical succubus
Wiswell: it makes you think about what if you were an individual in a society
Wiswell: so thi...
2024-09-07 21:45:15 +0000 UTC View PostCody Schroeder: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the dog who looked friendly but actually wasn't
Dean Koontz: ha ha
Koontz: good one, you guys!
Koontz: i know you're trying to scare me
Koontz: but that just doesn't happen!
Schroeder...
2024-09-06 17:11:48 +0000 UTC View PostRae Knowles: we've got a real banger of a story for you tonight
April Yates: real banger
Knowles: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, we call this the tale of the disaster lesbians
Yates: real disasters, these two
Yates: possibly the biggest
Knowles: so there...
2024-09-05 21:53:28 +0000 UTC View PostStephen King: boy, looks like that bungler elon musk really bungled it again!
King: another rocket exploded! boy!
Elon Musk: [appearing from ushes] eyyy Stephano king
Musk: you thinka you so smart?
Musk: whatsa matta for you??
Musk: i breaka you face!!!
Musk: checka dis out
Robert E Howard: howdy pardnas, it's me Robert "2 Gun Bob" Howard
Lovecraft: 2 gun bob!
King: 2 Gun Bob!
Koontz: it's 2 Gun bob!
Poe: 2 gun bob!
Barker: how many guns was that? i forgot
Poe: it's 2 guns, clive
Poe: you know it's 2 guns
Poe: don't be an instigator
How...
2024-08-29 17:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostDavid Fincher: hi i'm david fincher
Fincher: i used to be big in hollywood until the curious case of benjamin button
Fincher: now i have to share an apartment with david cronenberg & david lynch
Fincher: so stay tuned for
Fincher: David, David & David
Fincher: coming t...
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I'M BACK!
Rowling: [snapping fingers] and I'm on the prowl!
Rowling: revenge would tasste sso ssweet right now!
Julie Bindel, Helen Joyce, Allison Bailey: [in unison] she's back, she's back!
Rowling: and it's time for war!
Rowling: [sn...
2024-08-24 18:50:32 +0000 UTC View PostAnthony Engebretson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the lumberjack
Stephen King: the lumberjack, eh?
King: does he sleep all night and work all day?
King: hahaha!
King: eh? eh? get it guys?
Barker: we're not doing this steve
<...
2024-08-23 18:25:46 +0000 UTC View Post[at JK Rowling's Scottish castle]
JK Rowling: Ha ha! Look at me! I'm possting on the internet!
Rowling: "esstrogen turns normal men into rampaging ape beastss!"
agent: joanne! stop!
agent: you're posting too close to the sun!
Rowling: "Gamer ssockss are AGP!"
Rowling: ha...
2024-08-21 19:57:04 +0000 UTC View PostStephen King: wow, john, i just heard that you're going to be in the The Thing Expanded documentary!
John Carpenter: [playing Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy on Playstation 2]
King:
Carpenter:
King: i said
Carpenter: i heard you
King: i'm just really excited cuz tha...
2024-08-20 19:41:40 +0000 UTC View PostDavid Niall Wilson: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the author who writes reality
Wilson: OR...?
Wilson: does reality write her????
Koontz: whoaaaaa!
Wilson: i know right????
Wilson: so there's this best-selling author
K...
Graham Masterton: it may interest you to know
Masterton: that when i'm not writing horror
Masterton: i'm writing sex guides
Barker: oh yeah? how's that work? i thought you were british
Masterton: i
Masterton:
Barker: how you gonna write a sex guide when you're british?
Graham Masterton: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of what if satan ran for president
Masterton: think about it! if satan was president, he could do anything
Barker: i mean, he already can do anything can't he?
Barker: he's satan
Masterton:
CS Humble: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the massacre at yellow hill
Humble: it's about a black vampire hunter
Barker: is it Blade?
Humble: no
Humble: not every black vampire hunter is blade for your information
Humble: th...
2024-08-16 22:29:41 +0000 UTC View PostJK Rowling: hello children
Clive Barker: whoa jk rowling! you're alive!
Barker: oh thank god we were all really worried
Barker: since you hadn't tweeted in a week
Barker: unless there was some REASON you're suddenly not tweeting
Barker: hahaha
Barker: gee joanne is there ...
[at JK Rowling's Scottish castle]
JK Rowling's agent: hey joanne it's me your agent
Agent: Lydia
Agent: i haven't appeared in a while so readers might not remember me
Agent: i am a midnight pals totally original character, do not steal
Agent: so how you been doing? working o...
Bitter Karella: hello, fellow esteemed authors!
King: wow it's bitter karella!
Lovecraft: bitter karella!
Koontz: WOW bitter karella!
Poe: OMG it's THE bitter karella!
Barker:
Barker: what the fuck is wrong with you guys
Karella: yes it's me, bitter karella, b...
2024-08-13 19:41:13 +0000 UTC View Post
Hey everyone, just wanted to share some VERY COOL news! Orbit US has just announced that my book, Moonflow, will be coming out in Fall of 2025! This is really exciting for me and I genuinely would not have made it to this point without the kindness and support of so many people, including YOU! So...
2024-08-10 19:45:55 +0000 UTC View PostClive Barker: hey guys you hear that Imane Khelif won the gold medal at the Paris Olympics
Poe: ah very cool
Barker: so where's joanne
Barker: is she here tonight
Barker: ha ha
Poe: clive
Barker: cuz i just want to haha talk
Poe: clive don't be an instigator
Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the people coming to terms with life's melancholy pageant
Stufflebeam: but also
Stufflebeam: there's skeletons
Koontz: s-s-skeletons???
Stufflebeam: that's right
Stuffle...
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i am very concerned
Barker: are you still on about the olympics
Rowling: NO
Rowling: well yess
Rowling: but more to the point
Rowling: people need to ssstop talking about my black mold!
Rowling: i want you all to sstop ssayi...
2024-08-05 20:19:56 +0000 UTC View PostJK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i'm VERY concerned about the olympicssss
Clive Barker: oh you found a new interest? that's nice
Stephen King: i didn't know you followed the olympics!
Rowling: I do now that TRANSS WOMEN ARE INVOLVED
Barker: so you didn't find a new interest...
Oz Perkins: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the longlegs
Perkins: it's about an FBI agent tracking a serial killer
Thomas Harris: nice
Perkins: no no it's totally different than that
Perkins: not like silence of the lambs at all
2024-07-31 18:25:20 +0000 UTC View Post