Stephen King: so i was down at the bookstore and they were throwing my books around
Dean Koontz: oh no! why were they doing that?
King: well dean
Koontz: they could damage the books!
King: well dean
Koontz: or hurt someone!
King: well dean
Koontz: or
King: let me f...
Thomas Monteleone: hey everyone you may remember how last year i got really mad about the blacks and the trans
Monteleone: but I've had a year to think about it
Monteleone: and I've decided to start a substack
Poe: oh no
King: oh no
Barker: oh no
Koontz: oh no
Lovecraft:
<...
WW Jacobs: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the monkey's paw
Jacobs: it's about a monkey paw that grants wishes
King: sounds great!
Jacobs: no it's not
Jacobs: it's really bad actually
Jacobs: see, the thing is the monkey's p...
2024-07-26 16:47:37 +0000 UTC View Post[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: what newssss?
Rowling: allisssson how goess the lawsssuit againssst ssstonewall?
Allison Bailey: GREAT NEWS!
Bailey: if losing were winning, then we just totally won!
Rowling:
Rowling: ss...
2024-07-25 20:29:10 +0000 UTC View PostSteven Spielberg: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the poltergeist
Spielberg: now unfortunately, i'm kinda committed to tell a different story over at space coven tonight
Spielberg: so my good friend tobe hooper is gonna tell this one for me
Tob...
Gemma Amor: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the feral
Amor: ladies, let me ask you
Amor: the things we do to be pretty, ugh!
Amor: wouldn't it be easier to be a wolf?
Amor: look at how modern life oppresses us!
Angela Carter: preac...
Brian McNaughton: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the throne of bones
McNaughton: ok so get this what if there was a whole giant necropolis full of ghouls
McNaughton: and also ghoul fuckers
McNaughton: we follow Blux Beepo, a local perve...
2024-07-08 19:56:36 +0000 UTC View Post[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: how goesss the election?
Rowling: did we win?
Posie Parker: good news!
Parker: if words meant the opposite of what they do, then yes we won!
Rowling: excellent, excellent, that'ss great
Rowling: w...
JK Rowling: sso i was talking to a real life friend who exisstss (he'ss jusst sstanding right outsside of frame) and i assked him do you know what the bepenissed lessbians are doing to the ssoil
Rowling: for ssome reasson he sseemed really uncomfortable
Rowling: sso of coursse i dem...
2024-07-02 18:39:55 +0000 UTC View PostKing: gosh joanne sure has been trending a while on twitter
King: like, for almost a week straight
Poe: oo
Poe: er
Poe: that's
King: yeah that's not good
Poe: that's very bad
Poe: i don't think it's healthy
Poe: it does things to you
Vladimir Nabokov: ok i go...
2024-07-02 02:49:08 +0000 UTC View PostZach Cregger: big news, everyone!
King: oh! are you doing another Barbarian movie?
Cregger: bigger than that!
Cregger: grillos pickles come in a screw top jar now!!!
King: oh nice that's way more convenient
Cregger: check it out! Off! [removes top from pickle tub]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: sso bad newsss
Rowling: i'm posssesssed by a transsphobic demon but my cheap ssskinflint of a piece of shit of a hussband won't pay for an exorcisssm
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Poe: um
Poe: well we're sorry to hear...
Stephen King: hey guys aren't you all excited for the next cormoran strike novel?
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: boy, i sure hope robin and cormoran finally act on the repressed feelings Joanne has hinted at for the previous 7 books!
King: i feel like they're due
2024-06-24 18:45:48 +0000 UTC
View Post
[at the beach]
Sonia Greene: oh howard this was such a lovely idea!
Greene: a romantic seaside picnic and just the two of us!
Greene: and we've got your favorite food right here - untoasted white bread!
Greene: isn't this nice?
HP Lovecraft: [sweats, stares at ocean] right sure
2024-06-23 17:00:10 +0000 UTC
View Post
Joe Koch: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the invaginies
Stephen King: whoa joe that sounds kind of adult, is this appropriate for dean?
Koch: oh it's fine, it's not like it's super adult
Koch: or rather anything dean could parse as adult
Jane Schoenbrun: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the glowing tv
Schoenbrun: it's about this kid who's obsessed with a 90s TV series called the pink opaque
Schoenbrun: and how estrogen would have saved her
King: Oh, like Pete and Pete!
Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen
Stevenson: it's about a plot to breed the antichrist
King: wait this sounds familiar
Stevenson: yeah it's based on The Omen
King: no that's not it
King: wait!...
2024-06-14 18:32:34 +0000 UTC View PostLilian Jackson Braun: ok so hear me out on this one
Braun: what if there was a cat that solved mysteries?
Rita Mae Brown: a cat that solved mysteries?!?!?
Carole Nelson Douglas: a cat that solved mysteries?!?!
Cate Conte: a cat that solved mysteries!!??
Brown: t...
2024-06-13 20:24:24 +0000 UTC View PostAM Shine: check this out, ishana night shyamalan is gonna retell my watchers story
Ishana Night Shyamalan: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the watchers
Barker: is there a twist
Shyamalan: i'm not my dad
Shyamalan: i'm my own person
M. Lopes da Silva: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the glitter deer
da Silva: what if elon musk got killed by a deer
da Silva: but not just any deer
da Silva: a gray goo glitter deer
da Silva: what if elon musk got killed by a deer
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exccciting newsss
Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award
Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked
Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne?
Ro...
Edward Lee: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange stones
Mary SanGiovanni: me and ed wrote a cosmic horror
SanGiovanni: it's about this professor who hates HP Lovecraft
Lovecraft:
SanGiovanni: like REALLY hates him Lovecraft:
Brian Keene: feeling cute, might delete later
Stephen King: looking good, brian! Looking good!
Keene: oh my god
Keene: stephen king liked my suit!
Keene: i'm never changing this suit again
Mary SanGiovanni: now wait a second-
Keene: don't try to change me, baby!
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i'd like you all to know about my new book
King: you wrote another harry potter book? awesome!
Rowling: no itsss not a harry potter book
Barker: oh jesus not another cormorant shrike
Rowling: ITS CORMORAN SSTRIKE
Rowling: AND NO
R...
2024-06-05 17:13:03 +0000 UTC View PostSheridan Le Fanu: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the new drug scourge that's sweeping the nation, seducing our youth
Le Fanu: you know what i'm talking about
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Le Fanu: i'm talking about g...
Poe: tonight, Lord Dunsany is going to tell a story
Lovecraft: Lord Dunsany!?
Lovecraft: Lord Dunsany is here?!?
Lovecraft: no no i'm not ready, i can't meet lord dunsany!
Poe: you'll be fine, howard
Lovecraft: do i look ok? how's my hair?
Poe: it's fine, howard
Lor...
Alex Garland: now this story is for the ladies
Garland: i feel like you'll really "get" it
Garland: it's feminist
Angela Carter: ah, good
Garland: it's about how men suck ass
Carter:
Carter: alright, i'm listening
Alex Garland: ok so, as we all know, men are trash
Garla...
Just some fun from the podcast, currently funding on Indiegogo as the kids say!
2024-05-21 17:41:48 +0000 UTC View PostJames H Longmore: after yesterday's incident, I'd like to offer a full and complete apology to the humorless scolds of the woke mob
Franz Kafka:
Kafka: well, good
Kafka: see that it doesn't happen again!
Longmore: look, this story about joe's unwanted penis is just a light-hearted...
2024-05-21 17:40:23 +0000 UTC View PostJames H Longmore: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of joe's unwanted penis
Longmore: it's a darkly humorous parody of the bruce jenner story
Poe: you mean caitlyn jenner?
Longmore:
Longmore: what?
Barker: oh yeah this really bodes well
...
2024-05-20 15:21:27 +0000 UTC View Post