Eve's Temptation

Photos by my truly talented friend Isha of @bokehandloom on Instagram. She's currently booking new clients for magical photo adventures. 

Here's a short but "sweet" one... I had recently taken in Jasmine, my second rescue horse as a companion for Addicus. One day while loading the cart with hay to feed them, Addicus started his usual pushing Jasmine around. He is sort of a bossy brat with food scarcity issues. Whenever she got close to their feeding station here would chase her off, all teeth and hooves. It was on this day that Jasmine said, ENOUGH! She ran up to the fence exactly where she knew I would soon drop the next load of hay. Addicus, Fatticus, Bratticus lunged at her, ears back, mouth open, looking more like a dragon than a horse. She stood her ground and he landed his bite straight on her butt, and in the next instant she had kicked him straight in the jaw. Addicus stood there dazed and surprised that this weakling had landed such a tremendous blow. He stumbled up to thre fence and this time she went after him! She was sick of his shit, and it was about to end right here. Butt first, she backed up to him, as fast as if she were facing forwards. She kicked him in his big fat belly, and again, and again, and he was pinned against the fence, half fallen over, unable to recover his position. I was already running towards them yelling. He was squealing, begging for mercy, and she was grunting with devilish delight, kick, bounce, luck, bounce, kick, bounce, kick, as Addicus was fully against the fence which had started to lean under his nearly 1500 pounds. As I reached them yelling and waving my hands, Jasmine took off across the pasture. I hopped the fence and comforted my poor unsuspecting bad boy. He had a whole torn across his ribs and belly and was bleeding badly. I helped him up and ran for a towel and ropes to wrap a makeshift giant bandage. I called my vet and first thing, "Have you got cash?" I was known to often not be able to pay bills, so vets now deemed up front payment from me. As with all disasters, it occurred near the end of the month, and was going to cost $800. My rent was $1600, and I'd only saved $900, and was already planning some kind of hustle to get the rest plus hay, board for the horses, phone bill, insurance, all that sadness I couldn't afford. But, on the phone with my horses savior, I said,  "Of course". She came over and dressed the wound, wrapped up my baby and said she'd come back each morning as she lived nearby to check on him and change the bandages. It was a deep wound and had Jasmine not stopped right then, who knows what his fate could have been. 

   So I needed a lot of money, at least $2,000 in the next three days. I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered a big chocolate chai latte piled sky high with whip cream (just so I could use their internet of course), and opened up craigslist gigs. I replied to basically everything... Including a stripper wanted for bachelor party. I had never done a bachelor party before, and I had never done a stripping gig without a bodyguard. Bachelor party seemed innocent enough. It was in two days, in the south bay, a couple hours drive, but it paid $600 for 2 hours with 6 guys. Honestly, I thought it might be fun. I had a playlist ready, which included Peggy Lee and Marilyn Monroe and April Stevens.. It was going to be classy! Immediately, I had a text message responding from one of the guys wanting a few more pictures. No problem, I've got lots of those. He showered me with many compliments and he gave me the address and time. Alright, $600 down,  $1400 to go.. I booked a $150 photoshoot for the next morning, $1250 to go.. The following night, the guy from the stripper gig contacts me, "Can I ask you a question?".. Yes, of course! I reply, all bubbles and positivity! "Do you offer any other services beyond just stripping?" Ahhh... it always comes to this! "Yes! I also sing!!!" Obviously not what he's looking for. Im trying to keep it innocent. "No, I mean like, party favors, you know?" I so didn't want to know. I needed this gig, and I didn't want them to pass me up for the next, more willing girl. "Yes! I can bring everyone a thong to remember me by!" I thought that would be a nice stripper party favor.. He was silent fodder a very awkwardly long time. "Hello?" I ventured.. "Uhm... can I call you?" He requested. "Yeah! Of course!" I responded, but inside I was like NOOOOOOOO! Talking on the phone is my kryptonite.. whatever is asked of me, I always say yes! Of course! And I rarely mean it, but when I'm speaking one on one with somebody, I just CAN'T disappoint. Immediately my phone is ringing, my heart has already taken up residence in my throat, I bite the bullet and answer my phone (this is a very rare circumstance, I never answer my phone). "Hey.." he answers. He sounds like a purebred idiot. "Hello! How are you!?" As if we haven't just been talking.. "Uhm, good... yeah so.. I just wanted to talk to you because the guys and I raised some money for some umm.... you know... extra stuff..." I of course know he wants sexual favors, but I am going to make him say it. "Oh? Like what?" I ask curiously. He nervously chuckles. "You know, come on..". Im silent. "Like blow jobs and maybe a little fuckin if you're up to it. We'll use condoms.." I don't know what to say, and I almost just break character and sigh. "How much extra?" I can hear him smile. "Oh! Uhm! Well like would $300 a guy be ok? That's how much we have altogether is $2400. We were thinking you would start with stripping for a couple hours while we party and get drunk, and then ya know, like one at a time we could go have some real fun with you. We all think you're gorgeous.". $2400??? In one night? As of a my recent pre-stripping life I hadn't made that much in a month! But... also.. this is straight up prostitution, which I can be arrested for. Also gross to blow a bunch of strangers in a row.. ughh... I shuddered... "Awesome! I will need half up front, and half after, is that good with you?" He was shocked, "uhm, yeah, sweet! Ok, cool! See you tomorrow night beautiful!" And he hung up. I was already planning a few potential plans.. 1. Bring extra booze, get them all pass out drunk within 2 hours and take their wallets, get the extra money and run. 2. Bring poisoned booze and... ok no, too far. We're sticking with plan 1. 

  So the time comes, I'm all dolled up, two costco bottles bulleit bourbon on my passenger's seat. I'm drunk off one shot, and have no idea joke much it will take to get 6 men blackout drunk, but imn hoping two giant bottles will do it.. I arrive at an unmarked concrete building that may have once been a liquor store, but is now clearly some kind of clubhouse. I knock.. so nervous.. this will be my first heist! I always wanted to be a con artist, ever since I saw "Matchstick Men", and "Catch Me If You Can".. As a little girl when my grandma's friends would cutely ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up!?" I would shout back smiling, "A con-artist!" And enjoy the shock on their faces. My grandma would laugh and say, "I don't think she knows what that means, her parents have an art gallery.." But I did know. And here I was, the manifestation a dream born long ago.. In lingerie and platform high heels that made me an intimidating 6'2", covered by a baby blue trench coat. The door is heavy metal with just a little glass slot at my high eye level. The guy behind the door is a giant.. not height wise, but width wise. I greet him excitedly and hand him the two bottles of whiskey. He's already drunk, the whole room turns around and cheers and I'm frighteningly surprised to count 13 men, not 6.. The place is a true pig sty, spilled beer cans on the floor, old pizza on the pool table, loads of junk food wrappers covering the floor, a makeshift plywood bar on empty kegs, posters of 90s playboy centerfolds on the walls, neon beer signs flashing here and there, a giant TV playing porn... Im still smiling as I quickly survey the place and the men in it. They are all very big people, they look Hawiian or Samoan.. Hmmm... This is not good. I do not have enough alcohol to drop 13 giants. I may need a plan C... I ask for "Milo" the guy I was speaking with, and its the same guy who answered the door and introduced me. I bend down to his height, put an arm around him and give his ear a sweet little kiss, "I just need that first half of payment and we can get started..." He's nervously excited, even drunk, and he fumbles for his wallet, blushing. He hands me a stack of $100 Bill's, and I stuff it in my jacket pocket. I don't want to do this. This is gross and dirty and not for me.. "Excuse me, do you have a restroom? It was a long drive, and I'd like to change into something... a little more comfortable..." I wink and the guys slap each others chests and cheer and laugh. One points down a hallway of trash. I saunter by sexily, waving at everyone, a little twirl, a little flash, and disappear down the hallway. There are two doors at the end.. one marked "exit" another not marked. I pull open the unmarked door and the stench of diarrhea fills the air. I close it. I turn towards the door marked "Exit". I contemplate it for a good 3 seconds.. "Whaaaaat would Jasmine do?", and walk out the exit. Im at the back of the building and I start to run, my heart pounding heavily,  adrenaline rushing, I see my car around the corner. I hop in. I drive home.. 

  I turn my phone to silent. I pull over a couple cities down the freeway and count the cash. $1200 as promised... I feel a little bit bad.. I see 8 missed calls on my phone. I block his number. I start getting calls from other numbers.. For a second I feel like I'm in trouble and then I think it through. What are they gonna do? Call the police and say they hired a stripper to give them blow favors and she didn't perform? I slept easy that night, ready to pay my bills in full in the morning!

Sorry!!!!!! 😬