9/22 stream

i'll be "redrawing" vent art for this stream.

https://www.twitch.tv/wispworst/ 

started at 7:45 pm PST.
stream ended at 9:40 pm PST.

as a note: fresh meat missed its update without a word, so i figured i'd at least mention something here -- i've been posting about it on tumblr, but not everybody uses that, so. i think that i mentioned that i was trying to recover from my anorexia again a few months ago.

it does... a lot, of damage to your body. you might think it's as simple as eating again and a lot of therapy to attack the root of the problem, but there's something called refeeding syndrome, which is a whole lot of things adding up that basically amount to: if somebody who's extremely starved tries to eat food normally, they frequently end up going into cardiac arrest. to avoid this, you aren't supposed to eat more than about 1/5 of the regular caloric intake of an adult, and you're supposed to have your fluids and serum levels monitored closely.

i already knew about this, and tried to wean up, thought i was in the clear, but i seemed to keep fumbling between gaining weight and losing it again. looking back on what i was eating and how much, i was barely inching above the marker for intake to avoid refeeding syndrome in general, but it meant my body never stopped starving, either. i asked my wife to make mealtimes and schedules stricter recently, and the recoil for that has made itself very apparent to me.

so for the last 3 or 4 days, i've been mainly monitoring my pulse and nutritional intake at home because i'm extremely averse to the idea of being stuck in a hospital. my heart rate isn't way above the maximum unconcerning limit anymore, but i'm still gauging whether i need to go seek medical help or not.

i've also been skimping on my adderall because you're obviously not supposed to take it if there's something potentially wrong with your heart, especially not if you're severely dehydrated on top of it. i've already received a couple referrals to eating disorder centers, but this coincided with my mom visiting. she leaves monday night, so i might also completely miss the side comic update this week. i'll try to update when i've got a clearer picture of how long it's going to take before i'm at least healthy enough to, you know, walk around, perform physical tasks -- i'm not supposed to be doing that right now, but... complications.

anyway, that's just an update on why. sorry, i didn't think it was as out of control as it is. it's a really hard disorder to recover from, i don't even know if it's possible to do it by yourself. the severity of it has also kept me from really having the mental capacity and foresight to explain ahead of time. i dunno. if shit keeps going south, i will be sure to pause this patreon campaign to avoid charging for next month, though.