Any Port in a Storm: Chapter 17

Tony's Story

It doesn't take too long for Marama to collect herself.  I feel her take a big deep breath and let out a long sigh.  She straightens up and pulls back with a sniffle and smile.  I wipe the tears from her soft cheeks with my thumb.

“Thank you.”  She whispers, before looking at me guiltily.  “Ohhhh, you're burning up.  Here I am supposed to be taking care of you and you're looking after me!”

I smile back.  “That's okay.  My pleasure.”

I wanted to say or do something more to comfort her but damned if I didn't feel like death.  I am given more water and I take it eagerly.  “Lie down.”  Mara says in a soothing voice.  A violent shake runs through me and I do as she says.  I lie flat on the bed, eyes half closed, and try to warm up.  With a cool wet cloth Mara's small gentle hands wipes my brow and cheeks.

“We need to warm you up so the fever may break.”  Mara looked concerned.  Getting up she glides over to one window and closes it with a single large shutter that came down from above.  She ties it closed.  She then does the same with the other window, plunging the room into near darkness.  My sore tired eyes welcomed the respite.  Tying down that window as well she then says.  “You should try to sleep.”

I nod and close my eyes.  “Thank you Marama.”

Another blanket is brought and placed over me.  There is some rustling and suddenly I feel the lithe body of Mara slide in beside me under the covers!  I could tell immediately that her upper body at least was unclothed.

“Mara...”  I tense up and go to protest but she puts a finger to my lips.

“Shhh.”  She pulls my tank top up so that she press her skin to mine.  “Let me help warm you.”  She settles in against me and lies her head on my shoulder.  Only her neck and head peaked up out of the covers.

I slowly relax again.  I didn't have the energy to fight this...nor the will.  This would be the first time I shared a bed with someone besides my wife in a very long time.  I knew the lovely young Mara was the LAST person I should be testing myself against but I hadn't the strength to resist this right now.  Besides, with the terrible way I was feeling physical temptation was not going to be a problem.

I shiver and Mara pulls the blankets tighter around us and presses in closer.  Her lean tummy and flat chest slide up against my side and her feather light arm rests down over my chest.

“I won't let you die Tony.”  She whispers.

I hesitate...then wrap my arm around her slender supple body and hold her tight.  “Thank you.”  I sigh.

Had infection, pain and exhaustion not been ravaging my body at that moment I would have been able to fully appreciate just how good she felt beside me.  She was small and soft, like Ashley, yet also so different.  She was leaner and her touch far more gentle.

We lie like this for a long time.  I half doze fitfully, never fully sleeping despite my fatigue.  The shivers and aching never letting me fully relax.  My eyes were sore, my muscles were sore, and so was my throbbing head and bruised cheek.  I lay in a strange sort of fever haze, as if I was there but not there.  I could feel everything as if through a filter, like my conscious mind was somehow still anchored yet partially detached from my trembling flesh.  A buzzing sensation droned incessantly inside my head.

Mara feeds me sips water and wipes my skin with a wet cloth from time to time.  At some point I have a vague awareness of my shirt being removed.  She moved with ease in the dark room, with her eyesight being so poor this wasn't too surprising.  Between these short bouts of activity Mara would continue to lie with me, pressing her upper body and legs skin to skin with me while respectfully keeping her crotch apart with a wad of bunched up blankets.

I'm not gonna lie, I was scared.  People die of fevers in third world countries.  There were no drugs or doctors to help me here.  I didn't believe my end was near...but I couldn't discount the possibility either.  I was happy not to be alone.

“T-talk to me Mara.”  I whisper.  “Tell me ss-something...to break the silence.  Wh-what are you th-thinking about?”

I feel her shift at my side.  She is quiet a time but I can feel her building up her courage to talk.  Her soft voice was a balm for fevered mind.  “I was thinking...that I would be a wife if I lived out there.  I think I would like that very much.”  She lets out a soft sigh.  “I would give myself to my husband and hope he has pity on me...”

“H-he wouldn't pity you.  H-he would love you.”

“Mmmm.”  She hums.  “Yes...yes...he would...love me.”  I could hear in her wistful voice she thought this a wonderful but entirely impossible dream, a pure fantasy.  I lay quiet and listen to her dream.  “He...would love me.  Love me just as I am.  He wouldn't want children because I would be enough for him.  He would be kind to me and he would be handsome and he would have wonderful golden hair like yours.  I would never give him a reason to hurt me or hit me, I would be so good for him.”  I feel a pang in my heart once more at the thought of this sweet girl being struck.  She continues.  “He would bring me fruit and meat and I would prepare them for us.  He would bring me one of those...um, VR machines you spoke of and show me dreams and show me what the world would look like if I could see.  He would show me the world beyond here and teach me...”  Her voice suddenly fades and I feel her face dip down away from mine.

“That all sounds so wonderful Mara.  K-keep going.”  I encourage her.

Her delicate fingers trace little patterns over my chest.  She takes a deep breath and says with fear in her voice.  “I am a terrible sinner.  I should not speak of this.”

“D-don't say that M-Marama.  Please go on, what would he teach you?”  I prompt her onward.  “Speak your heart.”

“He...he would...”  She lets out a puff of breath.  “...he would teach me about sex.  He would...show me how...how...to have sex.”  I feel a tear touch the hot skin of my shoulder.  “We would lie together in sin.  Oh Tony, I pray and I pray and I pray...but...I can't stop thinking...about it.  I...I touch myself sometimes.  I can't help it. My body betrays my soul.  I want to lie with a man...beneath a man...I want to be a wife like in your world.  I...am wicked Tony.”  She sniffles and wipes another tear from her eye.

I pull her tight once more.  I focus on tamping down the shivers, the blankets combined with our shared body heat was finally having an effect against the fever chills. Mercifully the trembling finally stops.  The sense of detachment disappears as I settle back into my unwell body.

I close my tired aching eyes and whisper.  “There is nothing wicked about those thoughts.  At your age it is the most natural thing in the world.”   I stroke her slender arm softly.  “Mara...your father, he is an evil man.  He has taught you many bad things.  And your mother has not protected you as she should have.  They are bad parents.  In my world you would have been taken away from them when you were a child to a family that would love you.  You would be protected.”

“They love me.  They keep me safe.”  

“They keep you caged.  They keep you ashamed.  They keep you weak.”  I squeeze her arm.  “There is strength in you Marama.  You are as valuable and as special as any of your sisters.  No matter what happens to me...remember that, okay?”

She is silent.  Her fingers slowly and lightly stroke my chest.

I could feel the welcome embrace of sleep creeping in at the edges of my consciousness.  It was coming whether I wanted it or not.  I could still sense my fever was bad, to Mara I must have been burning up to the touch.  Would the fever claim me?  Would this be my final conscious moment before the end?  I was too tired and too dazed to care.

“I'm going to sleep now.”  I say barely loud enough to be heard.

“Good.”  Mara says.  “You are loved Tony Butler, you are safe.”

“Thank you.”  Tension in my muscles I didn't even realize was there drains from me.  I was so glad Mara was here.  I was so glad not to be alone.  “Sing for me?”

The room falls silent.  I feel her move at my side.

In a silvery voice as true and pure as starlight Mara sings a sweet sad song from a world away.

“Red is the rose that in yonder garden grows,

fair is the lily of the valley;

clear is the water that flows from the Boyne

but my love is fairer than any.

Come over the hills,  my bonny Irish lad

come over the hills to your darling,

you choose the rose, love, and I'll make the vow

and I'll be your true love forever.

Twas down by Kilarny green woods that we strayed

and the moon and the stars they were shining;

the moon shone its rays on his locks of golden hair

and he swore he'd be my love forever.

It is not for the parting that my sister pains,

it is not for the grief of my mother;

tis all for the loss of my bonny Irish lad

that my heart is breaking forever.

Red is the rose that in yonder garden grows,

fair is the lily of the valley;

clear is the water that flows from the Boyne

but my love is fairer than any.”

The words and the gentle tune carry me like a pillowy cloud drifting lazily on the breeze off to the tranquil bliss of a deep still slumber.