A Simple Life: Chapter 195

Our evening of fun was ending in the most perfect way. With both of us all lovey-dovey and drunk on joy we snuggle and snoozle and smooch like the love addicted fools we were. As I feel myself beginning to drift away in Winona’s warm embrace I can hear her breathing becoming slower and deeper. Normally we took a shower after our fun but tonight this was all feeling too good to interrupt and so, with my sticky load drying on my stomach, I settle in, cuddle closer and let myself drift away to dreamland.

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Bvvvt Bvvvt Bvvvt

I am woken by the vibration of my phone buzzing against my nightstand. I didn’t know the time but I got the sense I’d only been asleep an hour or two. Who was calling me at this time of the morning? Beside me Winona had rolled over and was still asleep but beginning to stir from the noise of my phone. Groggily I reach over and look at the screen. Mom? I was just about to refuse the call when the image of her sitting ashen faced beneath the wan lights of a hospital waiting room flashes through my mind. Grandpa!

Jolted fully awake I slip from the covers so as not to disturb my lover and walk swiftly from the room. The moment the door is shut behind me I answer the phone.

“M-Mom?” I say while stepping into the washroom. I didn’t think that Brayden was home but in case he was I didn’t want him seeing me naked with my crusty spooge all over me. The other end of the line is quiet for a few second before I hear a rustle then what sounds like a sniffle. Was she crying? Oh God, NO! I say again more insistently. “Mom!”

“Avery?”

“I’m here.”

“Theeere he is. My boy.” Oh no. She’d been drinking. “My baaaaby boy.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask, hoping to get through this as quick as possible. “Why are you c-calling me at this hour?”

“Hrmm.” She mumbles some slurred words that I can’t make out before saying. “I just needed to hear your voice. I miss my baby.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Avery.”

“Um, yeah. I l-l-love you too, Mom.”

“Hmmm. I needed to hear you say that.” She whispers. “You know? You can call me Mama, like you used to. I know I said not to but…I shouldn’t have said that to you. I like when you call me Mama. It’s okay, Avery.”

“Mom. You’re drunk.”

“I know.” She sighs. “I know…hrmlff…too much. I’m trying, Avermmy. It’s not easy.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re right, okay? I shouldn’t drink so much. You’re right. You’re right. I’m wrong and you’re right. Okay?”

“Mom, why are you…?”

“I miss you, baby. Why do you have to be so…distant?”

“Mom…”

“You don’t like, Chris. I know. But…he’s here…he’s here for me and…” Again her words descend into babble. After a brief pause she changes topics completely. “Grandpa was here today.”

“I know.”

“Yeah. You know.” Another long pause. “Avery, that man is not your father.”

“G-Grandpa is the only…”

“Not Grandpa.” She cuts in. “The man I told him about. Your dad is your dad, not him. Even Chris is more of a father to you than he ever was. He’s a…stranger. Nothing more.”

The light of understanding goes on. She’d told Grandpa who my birth father was!

“I have a r-right to know.”

“Do you?” She says. “He’s just some guy. He was a mistake. Nothing but a mistake. He took advantage of…hrmm. I should have never said anything to you. You just made me so…so…angry. Can’t we just forget it?”

“Mom…”

“Avery. Leave it alone. Okay?” She says in a pleading tone. “Nothing good is going to come of this. We’re your family. Your REAL family. Me and Chris and your dad, Jack and Lauren, all of us. We love you, Avery.” She mumbles something then adds. “Nobody needs to know. Okay? They don’t need to know. You’re just going to hurt everyone. You don’t want to hurt anybody, do you sweetie? Of course you don’t. That’s not you.”

I stand staring at myself in the mirror as anger crackles in my azure eyes. Me? Me hurting everyone? How dare she say that!

“My f-family…” I start, trying and failing to keep my voice controlled. “…is Grandpa and J-Josh and Winona and Amos…”

“Who’s Amos?”

“…and K-Kayla…”

“Kayla? She’s not family!”

“…and B-Briar and Brutus and Mama Cat and…m-maybe Cheryl…”

“You’re upset. You’re talking nonsense.”

“…and that’s it! That’s it. That’s my family now. They love m-me and I l-love them! That’s what a family is supposed to b-be!”

“Don’t say that, Avery. You know we love you too. You’re different. We understand that. It’s okay you’re different. That doesn’t matter to family. What matters is we’re there for each other. We’ve always been there for you, haven’t we?” Without giving me a chance to answer she continues. “I’m your Mom, Avery. You can’t know what kind of love that is. I carried you. I gave birth to you. I held you in my arms. It was me you looked at when you opened your eyes for the first time. You were such a beautiful baby.”

“Yet Dad h-h-hated me. You s-s-said so!”

“He never hated you. I was angry when I said that. I never meant that. He just…you were….you weren’t…you wouldn’t understand, Avery.”

“I’m starting to.”

“We do love you, Avery. All of us. You’re upset. I know. But don’t shut us out.”

“If you loved me w-w-why are you always…w-why…?” As my emotions threaten to boil over I close my eyes and let out a long sigh. I could vent at her until I ran out of breath but she wouldn’t remember a word of this when she woke up. Nothing was going to be settled here.

“And Jack gave you that barbecue. You think he’d do that if he didn’t love you? You’re his baby brother, Avery. He just wants what’s best for you.”

“I gotta go.”

“Avery. Avery!”

“What?”

“I, we, don’t think that Winona is good for you.”

“What!?”

“You’ve been acting all funny ever since that girl came into your life. You’re not yourself.” She says. “She’s taking you away from us? She’s no good for you. Can’t you see that?”

“Goodbye Mom.”

“Avery!” She exclaims. “Baby. Don’t go looking for your real dad, okay? That’s nothing but trouble for everyone. Grown man showing up at his doorstep saying he’s his son…you’ll mess his whole life up.”

“Like I d-did yours and Dad’s?”

“Don’t say that!”

“I’m going now.”

“He was cheating too! I wasn’t the only one! You’ll tear his family apart…” She stops there but I could hear her finishing that thought with, ‘…like you did ours.’

“Goodbye Mom”

“I love y…!”

I end the call. Emotionally numb I go to the washroom then clean myself up a bit before sneaking back to the room. I had a trip tomorrow with the people that really mattered and I wanted to be at least a little bit rested for it. Silently I slip into the dark room that smelled of sex then, as gingerly as I could, glide in under the blankets.

Staring up at the ceiling I could feel the tears begin to well. When I blink I send them rolling down my temples. Damn it. Not again. How many times had I laid here in this room, on this bed, and quietly cried because things my mother had or had not said to me. I thought I was past all this but she wasn’t going to be as easy to insulate myself from as Jack. The one difference, the difference that made ALL the difference, was that this time I wasn’t on my own. Crying alone in the dark was the most isolating feeling in the world. A feeling that I hoped to never experience again.

Gently I brush my arm against Winona’s. Without even waking, moving as if she had some kind of preternatural instinct to sense when I was in pain, she rolls back toward me and lays an arm across my chest. Thinking about all the fun we’d had tonight and the exciting trip that was coming in the morn, I smile.

With Winona’s soft snores tickling my ear the tears soon dry and it is not long before the dark quilt of slumber swaddles me once more.

Chapter 196