Chapter 209: Britney 2.0

A few days had passed since the Jingle ceremony (which we didn’t attend). Britney and I were in my room.

Ever since Britney joined JDS, we kicked out — one by one — every single leech, bloodsucker, incompetent, and dimwit from her team. Which means… basically everyone.

To be her manager, we hired a young (30-year-old) Guy Oseary last month. Pepper told me he’s super talented and would get the job done. Larry Rudolph? He can go open a food truck in Vegas

First thing he did was make Britney cancel Crossroads (the movie). She got mad, making me and Pepper watch it too (before the premiere, in a private screening Guy arranged). Man, what a horrible movie.

Pepper was crystal clear: if Britney insisted on releasing that, she should forget any dreams of becoming an acclaimed actress even after the praise she got in Chicago.

Britney sucked it up but agreed.

For PR, she’s using Susie (same as me), with Kelly Bush Novak as co-assistant.

On the legal side, Louis Litt is her lawyer.

We also revamped the artistic team: Steven Klein (photography and concept) and Jamie King (show direction). For stylist, Arianne Phillips. All three worked (or still work) with Madonna — especially Arianne.

And everyone understands: the goal isn’t to create the next Madonna, but to create Britney — who has every potential to surpass her.

Britney 2.0. Like Verstappen driving a Ferrari (fuck you, Red bull), not a donkey.

“My shows got so much better,” Britney said while watching one of the recordings.

“Obviously,” I snapped. “We brought in the crème de la crème, the cream of the crop.” (I didn’t say “kicked out the vermin” because Britney still has some affection for them.)

“They really are. And Jamie is such a sweetheart. Your bestie position is under threat,” she joked.

“Oh,” I exclaimed, “thank God, one less needy girl to annoy me.” I murmured, “I’ll even suggest giving him a raise.” Britney started hitting me with a pillow.

“And Casey?” I asked, stopping her.

She huffed, “He always has that serious face. But he does a great job and I feel safe around him.”

John Casey was a recommendation from Sarah.

For mental health, Britney is seeing Paula Agard — highly qualified and providing amazing support. And to stabilize things even more, one of my people had 'the talk' with her family, especially her dad.

With barely any paparazzi bothering her (even with all the Super Bowl performance hype) and no more dumb interviews (Oseary’s curation is on point), Britney is basically living the celebrity dream.

I looked at her. “I really should make a reality show called How to Fix a Messy Girl in 6 Months.”

Britney gasped and jumped on me. “Who are you calling messy?!” She started tickling me.

“Get off me, Brit, you’re heavy,” I said.

She gasped even louder. “For your information, I was voted Maxim’s #1 Sexiest Woman.”

I gave her a good look and went, “Eh,” with a so-so hand motion, teasing her.

After some playful tickling, she hugged me tightly. “Thank you, Jake! You’re the best bestie I could ever ask for. You think I’m dumb, but I know how much you’re doing for me.” She kept hugging me tightly.

“You’re welcome. You’re a good friend too.” I patted her head. Britney’s one of the few I really share my passion for music with.

Besides, it’s great having someone who’s also on top of the world but we can still talk like normal people.

She immediately accepted my Super Bowl idea, even though she clearly hated Eminem (I mean, how can you like someone who literally 'mocked you' in lyrics and interviews?). 

Not everyone can put differences aside just for the sake of friendship (I, for one, definitely couldn’t).

“How come you are only 14?” she said as I patted her head. “Sometimes I talk about you to people. Not your name, age, or the Marshmello stuff. They say you have mature ideas, but with a somewhat mischievous spirit.”

“The same way you’re 20 with the maturity of 13,” I joked.

---

Carly, Sam, Freddie, Cher and Regina showed up.

That reminded me Britney also got an upgrade on the financial side. I had to open a new fund (to keep the Harper Fund strictly family — plus Pepper, who’s already considered family):

“Jake’s Groupie Fund,” I murmured. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted Pepper.”

Can you imagine when it goes public? A meme-named fund outperforming Wall Street’s pompous giants.

“Fund members: Cher, Regina, Carly, Sam, Freddie, Laura, Britney, Paige, Tasha. Monica, Chandler, and Rachel also contributed,” I said, glancing at my friends. 

(I only personally invited Tasha and Laura. I’m not close enough with the others to talk about money - their loss. Ross and Joey declined - their loss. Phoebe, Pippa, Cara, Parker, Terrance, Spencer and Missy have no money... - their lo.. nothing to lose there)

"You all put everything you had into the fund??" I asked, a bit incredulously.

"We trust you," they said in unison.

"You guys..." I muttered, a bit emotional. "Logically, it is a really dumb decision" I added deadpan.

"Nah, if you lose all my money," Sam said, "I'll pack my stuff and move in here," she smirked

“I’ll take Loki as compensation if it happens,” Carly laughed.

Cher and Regina were totally unbothered (also, both put in money given by their parents, on condition that it couldn’t be withdrawn for 5 years).

“The problem is you, Britney!” I said, squishing her head between my fists. “Did you also put all your money in my fund?” I exclaimed.

She had put 35 million dollars — very likely her entire liquid net worth.

“I trust you, you are my bestie. And you seem to understand this stuff really well,” she justified.

“Still a dumb idea. Even if you trust me and consider me your bestie, you don’t put all your money in because of that. And we’ve known each other for just over 6 months,” I scolded her. “You’re the oldest one here. You’re supposed to be the most mature.”

“Why are you scolding me?” she asked, looking wronged

“Because that was a very stupid decision if you think about it logically… but probably the best financial decision of your life.”