What's Left Unsaid - Chapter 5

I didn’t even bother to shower off last night. Could Conner smell it on me? Why did that make me feel like I was a teenager again, trying to hide the smell of pot or cigarettes from my parents.

Conner wasn’t in bed when I woke up. He wasn’t in the house either. And I woke up at six. Much earlier than he needed to be at the office. The absence spiked such a visceral fear inside me that I had to rush to the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet as I suffered a sudden and horrifying panic attack.

I barely waited to stop coughing before I grabbed my phone and called him. Dabbing at my chin with a tissue, my throat feeling raw, I waited and waited as the phone rang… and rang…

God. Please. Please don’t let this be it…

click “Hey honey. Thought you’d still be in bed.”

The sound of my husband’s voice made me melt onto the bathroom floor. He was so casual. Calm. It was clear he was still in the car by the soft noise in the background of traffic. When I heard him softly slurp on his coffee I laughed even though it hurt my throat.

“Babe? What’s going on? You sound like you’re high or something.”

I snorted. “No… No sorry. I just… guess I’m still waking up.”

“Well, why not go back to sleep? It’s your day off right?”

He was right. Today was my day off. A time to just… relax. But how could I relax after last night? After coming home and seeing him alone in bed so early? And what about…

I understand.

Those two words had echoed in my dreams.

What did Conner understand?

I hadn’t been sure if he was asleep or not, but I felt the need to tell him how sorry I was that I’d left him alone again for the evening. When he’d responded…

My stomach twisted again. It was those same words I’d started to hear him say over and over.

I understand.

“Just… guess I wanted to wake up next to you.” I admitted.

Conner chuckled. “Sorry honey. I’d have liked that too. I just needed to get to the office early. This new client is riding us kinda hard about the security system, so wanted to get a jump on it.”

I sighed. Okay. That’s all it was. I was overreacting.

“Okay, well… maybe you can come home early?” I curled up on the floor. “I think we could maybe benefit from a night in. What do you think?”

For a moment there was only silence on the other side of the line. “Sure… I’d like that.”

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “Great. You name it, I'll cook it or order it.”

“Let’s go with ordering. Hey, I’m just pulling into the office. I’ll think about what we can eat and get back to you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

click

I climbed to my feet and put my phone on the counter, then splashed some water on my face. The after shocks of my panic attack were still making me shake, but after hearing Conner’s voice, I felt better. More calm.

I think you mean, you’re glad your secret isn’t out.

There wasn’t any denying that voice. Any time Conner wasn’t where I expected him to be, I had this fear that he’d found out about my infidelity and left. Whenever my mind conjured the nightmare scenarios of my husband finding out… it never ended in screams and shouts. It ended quietly. Conner wasn’t prone to raising his voice. In fact the entire time I’ve known him, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him raise his voice beyond trying to get someone’s attention at a party or in a crowd. So when I thought of how the consequences of my actions could catch up to me, I never pictured Conner becoming some sort of green eyed monster. Instead he just… faded. Became hollow. And left.

But that wasn’t today. Hopefully it was never.

I turned on the shower and stepped in, determined to start the day new. And to do that, I needed to wash off the evidence of last night.

…

Last Night

The feeling of Carmen’s tongue against my clit was almost as intense as Ash’s cock thrusting deep into my cunt. Firm pressure. The rough feeling of her tastebuds skimming over my sensitive nub. Lips sucking at it as she folded her tongue around it and practically pulled it into her mouth.

“Ohhhh fuck.” I gasped. My mind was in overload. Ash was sitting in a chair in his living room, with me in his lap, legs pulled up so I was doubled over, a mere toy for him to lift and drop onto his cock repeatedly while Carmen knelt between his legs and indulged herself. Licking my clit. Kissing and sucking at Ash’s exposed shaft. Sucking his roiling balls.

But Ash wasn’t content to just lift me up and down. He thrust his hips in time with those movements, making his balls slap against me and also slap Carmen in the face making her laugh.

“Stop it!” She giggled.

“What? Gotta problem with me slapping you with my balls?” Ash laughed along with her, his strong arms wrapped around my upturned legs, hands gripping my tits as he continued practically using me like a fleshlight.

“I do when I’m trying to suck them!” Carmen scolded. She’d pulled her dark hair into a ponytail and shed herself of clothing just like me. Her caramel colored tits and dark areolas were beautiful and much perkier than mine were, though hers were bigger.

When she’d pulled down her panties, I’d gotten the first glimpse of her nicely trimmed pussy outside of the gym locker room. Those times it had just been little flashes, now I was getting to see it full on. As she knelt below me, her thighs were wide and she was rubbing circles along her hidden clit while she attempted to use her mouth on both me and Ash while he furiously fucked me.

My ass slapped against his lap as he shifted and leaned back more, my back resting more against his chest so I wasn’t being held up in the air. As strong as Ash was, even he could get tired holding a full grown woman and lifting her like a dumbbell.

His breath was hot in my ear and along my neck and cheek. “Oh fuck D… so fucking tight… all the time… you like Carmen licking that pretty cunt? Is this your first time with a girl?” He sounded genuinely interested, even as he was grunting and ramming himself into my married tunnel.

I couldn’t respond. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. I was supposed to be at home. What time was it? Was Conner home yet? I couldn’t see the clock from my position and my vision was slightly blurred and spinning from the barrage of pleasure being thrust upon me and in me.

My gaze moved down and watched as Ash’s thick monster stretched me. My labia puffing and sucking at his shaft as it moved in and out. Creamy white frothering around his base and dripping along his balls.

Where had Carmen gone? Shouldn’t she be licking that up?

I really must have been in a sexual haze, because I hadn’t noticed Carmen standing up, climbing onto the chair and standing with a foot on either arm of the chair, tall enough her hands could reach the ceiling and press against it for support as she thrust her pelvis towards me. Ash helped, hand going to the back of my head and pushing me towards Carmen’s dripping sex. Her matted pubic hair glistened from her arousal. The lips of her pussy were dark, slightly engorged from her constant rubbing.

She smelled like sweat and eucalyptus. Maybe it was a lotion or a shampoo. I wasn’t sure. All at once her pussy was pressed to my mouth, my nose, my face. My senses overloaded at the new aromas and tastes. She had a musk to her, her pussy smell like that of a damp forest after the first rainfall. Fresh, but with a tinge of bitter moisture.

Carmen steadied herself, one hand on the ceiling, the other reaching down to join Ash’s hand in pushing and pulling me towards eating her. My mouth moved on its own. Lips pressing against hers, tongue diving into her dripping tunnel and lapping, licking, slurping up her sweat and juices. It was bitter and sweet. Like sour patch kids. Combined with the hard, cervix tapping thrusts of Ash’s cock, my mind began to melt.

The room was filled with groans. Gasps. Moans of pleasure and pain and surprise.

I still couldn’t figure out how Ash had done it. Taking us to drinks, only for us to go to his apartment and end up like this. Ash had some sort of magnetism. He was a jerk, but had that sort of appeal that all the women constantly deny. ‘Of course we don’t like jerks! We want sensitive, kind, decent men!’ It’s what we always said in defense of the stereotype. The cliche of the arrogant man getting the woman into bed because all a woman really wanted was to be taken.

I was part of the problem. Feeding into that sort of mentality by falling into bed with Ash again and again. But honestly, it wasn’t him that attracted me. It was the need…

My mind was slipping, consciousness giving way to pure pleasure and desire. But that didn’t mean I stopped thinking. ‘I think therefore I am.’ There was no way to stop my mind from working in the background, even as it was taken over by the primal desire for sex.

I missed penetration. It was as simple as that. Intimacy with Conner was wonderful and even somewhat exciting and new, discovering ways to please each other without that one fundamental detail. But… nothing could replace that feeling… the feeling of being stretched and filled and hammered and pounded. I missed it. I was craving it. It was like having an empty stomach. Feeling the growling desire for something solid. Filling. But all I’d been having were protein shakes. Something good and healthy, but not as hearty.

Ash was the meat. He was the solid filling food that I was craving. Or rather his cock was. The man himself didn’t matter much at all.

The smell of sour beer and minty toothpaste washed over my face as Ash breathed heavily. I could feel his sweat on my back, his chest rubbing up and down along my spine as he fucked me relentlessly.

“Oh my god!” I gasped into Carmen’s pussy. Her fingers gripped my hair and pulled me harder against her, nose rubbing her clit and my senses flooding with her overpowering aroma. “Oh fucking god.”

“Yes! Ohhhh shit D like that… lick it… there…there!” Carmen moaned, holding onto my head for stability as she stood precariously on the chair as it shook from Ash’s continual thrusting movements.

“Fuck…fucking shit D… oh my fucking god I love your cunt. Squeeze me! Do it… like that!” He was breathing in my ear. Loud and powerful and overwhelming just like the smell of my coworker. Her taste all over my lips and tongue and dripping down my throat.

All at once we were all crying out in ecstasy. Cumming together. Reaching the edge and falling over. Carmen gushed into my mouth, her juices dripping down my chin and all over my face. My own orgasm rocking me and making me tremble in Ash’s grasp, pussy clenching down hard on his thickness. And Ash’s cock throbbing in response, shooting thick strings of cum deep into my pussy.

We cried together. Screaming in pleasure. Juices dripping and gushing and flowing all over our bodies…

In a blink Ash had us on his bed. Carmen and I lay on either side of him as he was kneeling. We licked and sucked and kissed all over his cock. His fingers were between our open thighs, thrusting fingers, squelching wet sounds mixing with our moans and gasps as we smothered his messy cock with our attention. Spit and precum dripped and lathered up into a froth all along his dick. Carmen and I shared the mixture, sucking each other’s lips and twisted our tongues. The sticky, gooey concoction covered our faces in thick dripping strings. We passed it back and forth, drooled it all over each other’s tongues and his cock as we stroked him and then took turns swallowing him whole.

“Fuck! Fuckinggoddamn! That’s it! Fucking worship this dick!” His fingers rammed deep into us over and over making us slick and needy.

We rolled around into different positions. I rode him while Carmen rode his face. We lay on our sides, Ash balls deep inside Carmen as I was in a side 69 position licking her pussy and his shaft as it pistoned in and out while she devoured my cum dripping cunt. I deep throated him while Carmen rimmed him making him groan and hold our heads against his front and back. Once or twice it was simply one on one. Ash fucking me in missionary, staring deep into my eyes with that lustful cocky look he always had. Carmen on all fours, Ash’s holding her hair and thrusting in from behind, hips and ass slapping over and over.

Carmen and I even made out. Kissing and touching each other right in front of Ash as he attempted to get hard again after cumming for the fourth time. How in the world that man could go so many times was beyond me. Maybe my theory about viagra in his protein powder shakes was more accurate then I thought.

By the time we were worn out… It was nearly seven and I felt my chest tighten and all the guilt of what I’d chosen to do came rushing back in. I rushed out. I didn’t bother making an excuse or even telling Carmen and Ash what I was doing. They were busy in the shower. I simply dressed, took an Uber back to my car, and drove home as fast as I could. 

But it wasn’t fast enough.

…

I didn’t lie. Not really. I did need to get to the office and work on the TravelTech account. Their security needs seemed to keep growing and changing. It was pretty clear that they hadn’t done a proper analysis about what their needs would be, so this was going to be one of those projects that would become more complex as things moved forward.

On the one hand, those projects could become very lucrative because the contract would need to be revised for the extra work being done and the new work load. But… It also meant a lot, and I mean a lot, of revisions and meetings and constant back and forth with the client about what was necessary. A blessing and a curse.

Going in early was just something that would help keep the project on track. Was it necessary? Probably not at this stage. We were still working on the framework for the system. Ella was working constantly. I don’t think I ever heard a moment of silence coming from her cubical, it was constant typing. The girl was a machine. But would it be helpful? Sure. So… not a lie.

But… It was nice to be out of the house. Away from… the smell. That sounded horrible. Like I was in that episode of Seinfeld about the BO in the car. But that wasn’t what it was like, laying next to my wife and having my senses flooded with the distinct aroma of sex. It was all over her. Thick and potent. I could still smell it even as I stepped into the office, my coffee perpetually up against my nose, trying to drown out that scent.

I tried shaking the feelings it gave me. The nausea. The arousal. The confusion. It was a swirling hurricane in my head as I stepped into my office and was greeted by the sight of a tight little ass, split by a thin purple g-string. It bounced and jiggled as Ella hopped on one foot, trying to pull off her yoga pants. She tripped over the pants and toppled to the floor and rolled over with a sharp curse.

The g-string was sweaty and stuck to her perfectly bald slit, clinging so tight it was like paint.

“Stupid… fucking…argh…” Ella muttered as she sat up, then noticed I was standing in the doorway, staring at her. She’d already pulled off her workout top, a small sports bra holding her nearly flat chest tightly. “Uh…oh…OH! OH SHIT!” I’d never heard Ella speak so loudly. Her words were always soft and low. This was nearly a shriek.

I shut my office door behind me quickly and put my coffee down on my desk. “Uh… Ella…what…um… are you okay?” I reached out to try to help her up but she waved away my offered hand. 

Scrambling, she pulled off her yoga pants that had been tangled on her feet. Tossed them aside quickly and grabbed the dark blue skirt that was nicely folded over the arm of the chair in front of my desk. In a flash she pulled the skirt up and zipped it, then grabbed the white blouse she’d laid over the back of the chair and slipped it on. “I’m sorry! I’m sooooo sorry!” Ella’s eyes were rimmed in red and tears were starting to well up. “I didn’t mean… the ladies room was being cleaned…I… I just came from the gym… I should have changed there… I… I’m so sorry. I just thought I’d use your office… but you’re early!”

Ella was trembling.

“Hey… Whoa. Slow down. It’s… it’s okay. There’s no harm done. I mean… uh, well I mean I’m sorry for walking in on you… but… I…” I was equally lost for words. The image of Ella’s perky ass and panty plastered pussy were burned into my brain. My blood was pumping and stirring, making that painful ache in my balls all the more impossible to ignore. 

She was buttoning up her blouse like it was a race. One after the other, quick and steady even as she was shaking. “I’m so sorry Mr. Carpenter. Please…I’m sorry. Don’t say anything to HR…”

I let out an exhausted chuckle. “Believe me. If I said something… it’d come back to bite me more than you. This may be my office, but I walked in on you half naked. So I’m the one…” I rolled my eyes and walked past her, tossing myself into my chair. “It’s okay Ella. I’m sorry. I… you’re not in trouble. And as long as you don’t think I was intentionally trying to do something…”

“What? You? Never Mr. Carpenter…”

“Conner. Please.” I sighed, rubbing at my eyes and tossing my glasses onto the desk.

Ella paused, the last button of her blouse held in her fingers. “Um… Conner. I… I’d never think that of you. Never. In fact you’re the only boss that’s ever… well, that’s ever treated me like a person.” Her sigh was almost heartbreaking. She finished buttoning her blouse and quickly brushed out wrinkles, then calmly picked up her discarded clothes and stuffed them into a gym bag she’d placed next to the door.

“That’s… sad.” I replied, not daring to look at her for fear I might become just like those other men that had objectified this talented young girl. 

“It comes with the territory, unfortunately. Girl in tech. Coding. All those sex starved men sitting and staring at monitors all day. I get it. Sort of anyway.” She sat down in the chair in front of my desk.

“Still, not okay for them to be ogling or treating you like that. If anyone, and I mean anyone on my team does anything like that with you. Tell me. I’m not putting up with that shit.” I muttered and leaned back in my chair, rubbing at my temples.

Ella nodded. The quiet mousy girl was back. Though her cheeks were a bit red and her hands were clinging to the hem of her skirt as if to keep it from riding up and flashing me again. “I really am sorry. This was so unprofessional…”

I waved a hand. “There’s nothing unprofessional about trying to change clothes in an office. I can tell you plenty of people have done it. I’ve done it. Though, I usually lock the door when I do.” A chuckle slipped from my lips.

Ella snorted and covered her mouth, cheeks burning even more. “Sorry…yeah, that… probably would have been smart…”

“Can’t be a genius at everything Ella. We all have blind spots.”

That was true. So true. I’d had a blindspot. Blind to the fact that my wife needed more. Needed something I just wasn’t able to give her anymore.

“Sir…um… Conner… are you okay?” Ella finally let go of her skirt, folding her hands in her lap and looking at me concerned.

For a moment I didn’t answer. The air was quiet and calm but thick with tension and my own insecurities. But there was also a new feeling. Ella was looking at me with genuine curiosity. Like she wanted to know. This wasn’t just idol chit chat. ‘Hey how are you?’ ‘Oh I’m fine. Thanks. You?’

Maybe after the little mishap we’d just had, wed stepped onto a new plane. I’d seen her exposed and vulnerable. Would it be so wrong for me to open up? I barely knew Ella though. She’d only been here for a month and most, if not all, of our conversations were about business and coding. This was the first real time she’d talked to me about something more personal. Very personal.

I let out a long, slow breath. “Okay is… relative.” I answered, picking up my glasses and putting them back on. “Things have been… hard. Well actually, not hard. That’s the problem.” My laugh was so full of self pity that Ella visibly cringed. “Sorry… this is probably… It's too personal. Not really office appropriate.”

“Um… sir…er… Conner. I think… considering you literally just saw me nearly naked… and… I’m sure you saw plenty, even though I had on my underwear… I think ‘office appropriate’ has sort of gone out the window.” Ella attempted a smile, and it was sweet even if it was awkward.

We both burst out laughing. It was true. Airing my problems to Ella would hardly be worse than what I’d just walked into. Or at least it would be on par.

When I was finally able to catch my breath and calm my nerves, I sat forward, elbows on the desk and forehead against my tented hands, and told Ella everything. Not about Daisy’s affair. That was still something I was trying to work out. But I told her about the accident. My injury. And how it had fucked up my life by not letting me be able to fuck.

She listened quietly. Nothing in her expression showed disgust or pity. Just understanding. She took in my words and let them process, just like she did with code. I could see her mind working behind those sparkly blue eyes. It was a thing of beauty.

“So… then… just now… when you walked in on me…” Ella’s words were slow and tentative after I finished. “You didn’t…” She nodded towards my lap.

“Nope.” I sighed. “I mean… something inside me definitely stirred. So don’t take it as an insult or anything. But… no.” Saying it outloud, to a near stranger, was painful.

“I see.” Her cheeks were flushed and she bit at her lip. “And… I mean obviously I’m not insulted. Er… you’re married after all. It’s probably inappropriate for you to be getting erections for other women. But… no, I get it.” Her hands returned to the hem of her skirt again and the look on her face was one of particular concentration.

“I haven’t upset you have I?” This would be bad. I didn’t want to alienate one of my best coders, especially someone with so much talent.

“No! Oh no. Um…” She bit at her lip again. “I was just…” Her eyes finally met mine. “Conner… you’ve been honest with me. So, I think it’s fair that I’m honest with you.”

I nodded slowly. “Please don’t tell me you’re a corporate spy or something.”

Ella chuckled. “No. But… it’s just as personal as what you shared. So… I think maybe… we could help each other.”

“Help each other?” I asked, reaching for my coffee. I still had the smell of sex permeating throughout my nose. The smell of my quickly cooling coffee held it at bay.

“Yeah. I think we can.” Ella scooted forward in her chair and explained.