Torture (Trigger Warning)
Added 2021-12-07 01:19:08 +0000 UTCDear Insane Children,
Do you remember your childhood? I once heard that when adults can't remember their childhood, it suggests the memories were not worth keeping - that perhaps there was pain, sadness, and/or abuse in the past. I have some happy memories. Also, some are painful. And lots of gaps in between.
Never knew my father and never knew the true circumstances of my conception. Depending on whose version of that event you believe, the truth of my coming into being lies somewhere between terrible and not-good. Regardless of the "how," the result was I was raised by a single mother. One who sometimes failed to select appropriate partners. And so there were... events. Ranging from being locked outside on a patio overnight to being thrown from a boat into a patch of seagrass (scared to death, tangled up, and almost drowned).
Yeah, there was physical violence. But mostly it was psychological. Even the worst kind of bullies know it's difficult to make excuses for a kid with too many bruises. And, from the perspective of the abuser, psychological warfare is much more "fun." Taunting, tricking, and torturing a child without hitting... is something that can go on for years without anyone ever knowing. And if the child tries to tell someone?
Well, "He's just making it up. Has an overactive imagination."
I'll show you a fucking overactive imagination.
All of this to say... Alice's torture within the asylum is, for me, a topic akin to the fuel rods inside a nuclear power plant. It burns and pulses within, providing an angry power to all my creative efforts on this franchise. It doesn't define the main character but it is a prime motivator for many of her actions and reactions.
And as much as I hate to think about my own personal experience with all of this... I hate to imagine anyone else (even a fictional character) going through this kind of thing. But we must go there... we must dive into the deepest and darkest moments - if only for the brilliant contrast created when our hero finally breaks free from the pain of her past. The light at the end of the tunnel is only as bright as that tunnel is dark.
And that's what today's illustrations are about...
These are glimpses into moments of terror and torture experienced by Alice in the asylum.
I've made it clear to our team that we can say a lot about what happened here without actually showing (too) much. And that it is not our goal to produce something akin to "torture porn" - we won't go there. That is not and has never been the point of this journey nor of these scenes.
So the main emphasis in these images is the relationship between Alice and her White Rabbit Plush Doll. And shows that the orderlies (echoes of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum) know the best way to inflict harm on Alice is to harm her furry companion.
Once again, Adam and the art team are creating incredible images to illustrate these powerful scenes from within in Asylum Narrative. Really amazing (and difficult) work.
There are some earlier versions of these illustrations. Ones that include elements I felt uncomfortable with... and which I believe will never see the light of day. These go far enough.
Adam is now working on some concepts which pull together all of these images into one that represents the mental shattering that takes place within Alice's psyche.
I appreciate you being along for this journey. And I hope that some of you will find comfort in seeing our hero endure and overcome these obstacles. Because that's what this story is really about - showing that you can escape any abyss. I've done it. She's doing it. And you can too.
From Shanghai with Love,
-American
Comments
Well, dear American, I knew you must have experienced some serious crap related to the themes and issues explored in the Alice games, but I didn't think you would mention any of it. And here you are, opening up to us about it, and here I am, sobbing stupidly as I read your post. I just can't find the words to tell you how much I relate, and how much I root for you and Alice, now more than ever. Art is what keeps us alive after such crap. Art and true friends. Keep up the good work, all your insane children are with you.
2021-12-07 21:43:15 +0000 UTCThe most terrifiying of all horrors are those caused by human beings, so I think through this concrete and graphic hint of vilolence and psychological torture, the fantasy terror, can be rooted and feel more real, as opossed to a supernatural or abstract terror. I think it is really convenient to show it at least in an indirect way.
Juan Romero
2021-12-07 12:36:16 +0000 UTCWonderful illustrations as always. It's gut-wrenching to know that people have experienced the things you have, but putting it out there and making things with it seems like it can be cathartic. The way you described that Alice is not defined by it but is driven by it, is a great way of handling this. I'm sure any players who have experienced similar things can feel that you know what it's like, and that's irreplacable. This must be hard for you, but it can mean a world of difference to someone out there. Keep up the good work.
2021-12-07 08:40:27 +0000 UTCThe illustrations are very good. Also very terrifying. It’s not fair what you had to go through as a kid American. No child should have to deal with that kind of crap and I’m sorry it had to be you. But sounds to me like you and Alice are a lot alike. Every hero has to go through extreme suffering at some point to rise above the pain and become who they’re meant to be. Many people in this world and many celebrities recently have failed at conquering their own darkness and pain. But Alice did. So did you. That emotional drive is what will draw the masses to your work. They will see that in the story. “Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart and you’ll never go wrong.” -The Sandlot Babe Ruth. Stay Strong
2021-12-07 05:04:06 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing. You have taken what you have been through and managed to create something that we all connect to. I also appreciate that you know exactly how to get your point across and that you are sensitive to these subjects.
2021-12-07 04:57:54 +0000 UTCI got chills from looking at these; I don't think that I could pick one. The best artists are often the ones that have experienced the most pain. You survived your ordeals as a child, and now you can give your son (and future children) what you didn't have growing up: A happy childhood. Take care, American; you're in our hearts.
Greyson Kehm
2021-12-07 03:59:51 +0000 UTCThank you for trusting us enough to to tell something so personal! Glad you have learned from their mistakes! I know you have a loving family which is showing your strength and perseverance! Love the art work!! Always do!!!
Sarah McKeegan
2021-12-07 02:15:02 +0000 UTCThe Intensity of these images is gut wrenching. But I love seeing that you can overcome something like this and be even better for it. The fact that you are open and honest about what childhood was like for you and how alot of you're experience has wound its way into Alices story is both touching and beautiful. I'm so excited for this game. The world needs a game like this. Something honest and emotional and painful and raw. But also Beautiful and mad. Everything the Alice games have always been. Again I thank you American for allowing the insane children to be on this journey with you to creating Alices story and really learning who she is at the heart of it all. ❤
2021-12-07 02:12:04 +0000 UTCI am so incredibly sorry to hear that you went through such a painful childhood. I’m glad you’ve overcome it enough to show your children what it means to have a loving home. Thank you for creating these games for us!
Melissa Chanyarlak
2021-12-07 01:53:42 +0000 UTCReally powerful story, this whole post gives me shivers. Thank you, American, for letting us in on one of the best journeys I have ever been to.
2021-12-07 01:44:15 +0000 UTCDamn, did not expect to get the exact encouragement that I needed from a Patreon post. Well said, American.
Wendy Jaa
2021-12-07 01:38:59 +0000 UTCIt's very telling that the Orderlies were only dressed up as the Tweedles and stayed very much the same as they are in reality in Alice's mind compared to the rest of the Wonderland characters.
Death of Ink
2021-12-07 01:27:13 +0000 UTC
