Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 21

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"Now that you will be transitioning, does it make it any easier?" she asked.

"Not really, in fact, in some ways, it might make it worse. If someone made me in the past, I always had the competition to fall back on as an excuse."

"Speaking of people staring, there are two women over to your left who are looking at you intently," noted Laura.

I glanced over at them, and they immediately turned away. One woman was very tall, and the other was around my height. They looked like they were in their early twenties. I'm not sure what was more annoying or rude, the staring or the pretending that they weren't staring!

I turned back to Laura and shrugged my shoulders, "You'd think that in here they'd have seen someone like me before!"

"Don't look now, but they're walking over towards us. Try to be polite, dear!" whispered Laura.

As I turned, around I heard one speak to me, "We're sorry to interrupt you, but are you the girl who was in the sexual assault trial last month? The reason I'm asking is that we were discussing the case in our journalism class," explained the taller of the two women.

"Yes, that was me," I replied.

"I thought it was you! We were at the trial a couple of days. I am Jessie, and this is Trish. I just want to say that I think that you were very brave," complimented the tall woman.

"May we join you two for a few minutes?" asked Trish.

I looked at Laura, and she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

"Sure, why not?" I stated.

They told me that they were interested in my opinion of how the press covered the trial. I saw no reason to hold back. I told them that my biggest problem was the descriptions of me and the use of pronouns.

"I got really tired of reading things like 'he was dressed in girl's clothing and things like that," I griped.

"The problem is that the public doesn't understand the terms transsexual or transgender," added Trish.

"Then you need to educate them," interrupted Laura. "They learned the terms for sexuality, so why can't they learn gender identity terms?"

I nodded. "I agree with her. If the press would use the right terms, then the public would at least be exposed to it."

"Aren't you being a little sensitive?" asked Trish.

"No more than any other group that's discriminated against. Sorry, I didn't mean to get bitchy. It's just that it's a sensitive issue. I was worried about getting a fair jury that wouldn't be swayed by the crap that the defense lawyer was saying."

I went on to tell them about my rape support group and their initial response to me. I felt Laura's hand take mine as I went on my little rant.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional. Please don't take it personally," I apologized.

Trish smiled, "No problem. I sort of asked for it. Look, can we trade e-mail addresses? I would love to stay in touch with you."

"Sure," I agreed. We traded e-mail, and they thanked us, and then they left.

"Sorry about that," I apologized to Laura.

Laura was just smiling at me. "I thought you handled that wonderfully!"

We kissed and then I saw the time.

"I guess we missed the 8:00 show," I noted. Laura looked at her watch and saw that it was almost 9:30.

"I guess so! Well, it's time to shift to plan B," she suggested.

With that, she stood up and reached down and took me by my hands, and helped me up. We slipped on our coats and headed to the door.

"So, what is plan B?" I asked.

Laura just smiled at me and led me out of Spencer's.

"I think you'll like plan B," stated Laura, as we got in her car and pulled out of our parking spot.

"What is it?" I asked.

Laura said nothing. She just smiled at me and blew me a kiss. I noticed that we were driving in the direction of her house.

Laura smiled. "My parents are away for the weekend, so I have the house all to myself."

We arrived at her house, and we walked in. We went downstairs to the family room and sat down on the couch together. She then turned on the TV.

Laura then moved closer to me, and we started to kiss. She caressed me as we embraced. It was very gentle and very sensuous. After a while, we stopped and cuddled up in each other's arms.

"May I ask you something, Erika?" she asked.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Are you a virgin?" she asked.

I smiled. "I still consider myself a virgin in both genders. I don't count what Jason did to me."

"I see. Did you try to lose it when you dated as Eric?" she asked.

"I tried but was never successful. There was one time I came really close, but I couldn't do it. At the time, I thought it was due to nerves or being the first time. Looking back, it may have had something to do with my being transgender."

"That might be true. You know that the hormones will affect your ability to perform. Does it bother you that you may never know what it's like to be with a woman as a guy?"

"No. Well, maybe it does a little, but overall it is a minor concern."

"I wish I could be the one, but the idea of having sex with a male is unthinkable to me," confided Laura.

"Don't apologize. I love you for who you are!"

"If you want to try it with another girl, I won't mind. In fact, I think that it would be cool. You would have a unique point of view that most women can never know."

"That's okay; I'd rather be with you."

"I know that you love me, but I just want you to know that if the opportunity arises, so to speak, that I won't mind. Just as long as you stay with me!"

"I see. So you won't mind if I had sex with a woman as a guy?" I asked, thinking how bizarre this conversation would have been last year at this time.

"Well, only under certain circumstances. It would have to be safe. Hypothetically speaking, if I knew someone who was willing to help you lose your virginity, who at the same time wasn't a rival for you, would you be interested?"

"Hypothetically speaking? Sounds like you already have someone in mind," I replied with a laugh. I wasn't sure how serious she was.

"Maybe," she answered, moving closer to me.

"Do I know her?" I asked.

She just smiled and pulled me closer, and we started kissing again. She moved my hand to her breast and had me slowly caress her nipples. I could feel them harden through her sweater and bra.

"That feels wonderful. Your nipples will soon respond the same way. The sensation is wonderful; you'll absolutely love it," she moaned. She ran her hand across my chest.

We didn't go any further than that, and that was fine. It was nice just kissing and snuggling.

On the ride home, I asked her how long she had thought about her "hypothetical idea."

"I guess for a few weeks. Can you honestly say that the idea hasn't crossed your mind?" she confessed.

"Maybe. I've been rather flexible in my sexuality this year. I had a girlfriend for a while in San Diego, and then I was Paul's girlfriend, and it felt pretty nice and normal. Now I'm your girlfriend, and even though we're treating it as a same-sex relationship, it also feels nice. It's a bit confusing at times, but I've been told that what I'm going through isn't uncommon."

"Don't get me wrong, I don't want to push you into something that you don't want to do."

"I know that. We've shared a lot in the past few days, and it only makes me love you more."

We pulled into my driveway. "Are you going to wait up for your mom?" asked Laura.

"I don't want to interfere, but I'll be listening for her to get home!"

"Do you have your group tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yes, I'll be done around 10:00. Mom and I are spending the rest of the day together. I'll call when I get home. Good night."

We kissed one last time. She waited until I got in, and I waved goodbye. I thought about her offer, and it made me think about my sexuality. I didn't even know if I could perform with a woman right now. Mentally, I was moving towards being a woman. And I liked the idea that Laura loved me because of my feminine status.

I fixed a cup of tea and went to my room. I changed into my PJs, and I turned on my computer and checked my mail. I was pleasantly surprised to see one from Cat. She'd reached the lab and was having a blast. There were three other high school students in the group. The only bad thing was that they would not see an autopsy. She said that she knew Laura would be disappointed.

I wrote back and told her about this evening. What I loved about my friendship with Cat was our total trust and openness. I knew that she'd give me an honest response. It's wonderful having a friend like her, and I've been blessed by knowing Cat.

I then heard a car pull in the driveway. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 1:00 AM.

I peeked out the window and watched as Sam walked her to the front door. I couldn't see what happened, but Mom didn't enter for nearly five minutes. I then heard the front door shut.

I went back to my computer. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door.

"You're up late," remarked Mom.

"Yes, I was doing some research online."

Mom smiled. "You're a terrible liar in either gender!"

"Okay, I was waiting up for you. How did it go?" I asked anxiously.

Mom sat down on the edge of my bed. "It was really fun. I think that we hit it off pretty well."

"Are you going out again?" I asked as I got up and sat down next to her.

"Sort of. I invited him over for dinner Sunday night."

"Cool. Do you want to be alone?" I asked with a smile.

"No, that's okay. But thank you for the offering. Look, honey, it's late, and you have to be over at your session at 8:00. We'll talk more later." She got up and gave me a hug, and left.

I went to bed and thought about all the things going on in my life.

I was now fully accepted in the group, and I was no longer the newest member. There was a college co-ed who'd been the victim of date rape. Her name was Alyce, and she was a student at Dewey. It was very different sitting on the other side of the table and listening to someone pour their heart and soul out. I also felt very emotional, and my own memories of what Jason had done to me resurfaced.

We talked a little afterward. She told me that she was surprised to see someone as young as me in the group. I started to tell her what happened and she stopped me.

"Oh! That was you?" she asked, "You're the girl from the high school in the trial last month?"

"Yes, that's me," I answered. I waited for her reaction.

"I read about what he did to you. I'm glad that they put the bastard away!"

We talked for a few minutes about the case and how the DA handled it. My being transgender was never brought up by her once.

As I walked out to the parking lot, her reaction gave me something to think about. I found that I was being as judgmental as I thought most people would be. She knew the case, but she referred to me as "the girl." She remembered me as a victim and from a court case, not as a transsexual. I learned an important lesson that day.

I met Mom at the coffee house. We decided to have a mother-daughter day, which would include shopping and lunch. We talked about my group session as we walked to the car.

After some shopping, we stopped to eat in a small bistro. Golden Hill was still small, but it was starting to get trendy. I was looking forward to lunch, as I hoped to learn more about Mom's date.

She told me that they'd gone to a restaurant out past the college. It was Sam's favorite place, and in addition to the great food, there was a piano in the bar. Mom said that they'd sat in there for hours after dinner, talking while a woman played jazz tunes on the piano. They'd lost all track of time, and they were the last ones in the bar.

"Sounds very romantic," I remarked as I took a bite of salad.

"It was. I think that I'm in love with him," admitted Mom. "I know that I am jumping the gun a little, but he is very special."

"You won't hear any argument from me. I like him a lot too," I concurred.

"I appreciate that you want me to be happy."

I told her about my date with Laura. I talked about Spencer's and the discussion with the two girls from Dewey. I didn't tell her about Laura's and my discussion about my virginity. There are some things you don't talk to your mother about!

"You and Laura are getting quite close. I'm glad that you're feeling so comfortable with your transition and identity. Just be careful. I'd hate for you to get hurt."

"Thanks. She is very special, and she has made my recovery so much easier. Speaking of my recovery, I really want to start working again soon."

"Okay, I'll change the subject," said Mom. "As for you going back to work, it all depends on what Jenny says."

"Cool. While we are talking about it, I'd also like to help Coach Chambers in the afternoons," I added. I figured I might as well go for broke.

"Okay, but only on the afternoons, you are not working. I don't want you to take on too much. You just told me how strong the memories of the assault came back when you talked to Alyce, and then you also got emotional about it last night. You know that this will be with you for a long time." I noticed that she then got real quiet and seemed to be holding back tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just feel angry that I couldn't protect you from what happened. A mother hates to see her child hurt," she apologized.

"It wasn't your fault. No one could have foreseen that he would be such a psycho. I'm learning to live with this. I messed up once by going too fast, and it won't happen again. I just want to be part of the school again."

The rest of the afternoon was far less emotional and much more fun. Mom seemed to have entirely accepted me as her daughter. My only regret was that I didn't discover my true self earlier.

On the way home, we called up Laura and invited her to dinner. Terri was also going to join us. It turned out to be a wonderful day.

Sunday dinner also went really well. It was warm enough on our deck to turn on the grill. It was a balmy 48 degrees, which was a minor heatwave. Sam promised that there would be a spring. I still had my doubts. I swear I saw mammoth tracks in the backyard.

He volunteered to cook the steaks. It was strange; it felt like he had been a part of our lives forever. He did a great job on the grill, better than Mom or I could! We took care of the rest of the meal, with baked potatoes, green beans, and a salad. Sam brought a bottle of wine.

During dinner, I asked if I could have a taste of the wine.

"How old are you?" asked Sam.

"I'm seventeen. I'll be eighteen on July 3rd," I stated proudly.

"Well, why don't we wait until then? You'll only be three years under the drinking age then!" he said, smiling.

"In Europe, they allow kids my age to drink wine," I answered with a laugh.

Mom looked around the room, "Looks like we're still in the USA! Sorry, honey."

I shrugged my shoulders. "No problem, it doesn't hurt to ask."

It was a great evening. After we cleaned up, I excused myself to work on some homework. Actually, I didn't have any, but I wanted to give them some time alone.

After Sam left, Mom told me that they were going out again on Friday. I was so happy for her.

A lot happened that week in school; I'll talk about the highlights.

The school was good on Monday. First, Cat was back. I'd really missed her, even though she was only gone a few days. She told us about her trip and how exciting it was. Laura was pleased to hear that there were no human body stories.

When we got to homeroom, we noticed that Paul wasn't there. Then it hit me, today was his pregnancy day! When he waddled, everyone stood up and applauded. I give him a lot of credit as he caught a lot of grief that day. I told him that I thought he'd make a great "mom"! I took a couple of photos of him; it was the least I could do!

The first group of "parents" returned their "children" to Mrs. Roberts. The general feeling was that they were in no hurry to get pregnant. One girl said that it was the longest weekend of her life. It sounded ominous. I would be getting my "child" that Friday. Some of the other comments cannot be printed here.

During photography, Caroline showed me her cartoon of Paul struggling with his pregnancy.

"After all, he's had a lot of fun with the rest of the class, so I figure that it's his turn," smiled Caroline.

I asked her how it was going with her family. She said that her mom fully supported her decision to transition and that her father was slowly coming around. However, she had no intention of moving back home.

Tuesday, I had a meeting with Jenny. She agreed to let me work two days a week, plus once on the weekend, and to help out Coach Chambers two afternoons a week. I had been hoping to help out more than that, but Jenny said no.

"Don't worry about Coach Chambers. I've known Lori a long time. Once I explain it to her, she'll be fine," explained Jenny.

I did have her give me written permission to start working again for Mrs. Lincoln. As before, Laura was waiting for me. We were going to meet Cat at the Chinese restaurant at the mall. It would also give me a chance to drop off the letter with Mrs. Lincoln.

When I walked into the store, Mel greeted me. "Well, look who's here! So when will you be ready to come back and help us out?" she asked with a smile.

"It's good to see you too! Actually, my therapist just cleared me to start working again. Is Mrs. Lincoln in?" I asked.

"Yes, she's in back with Cindy," said Mel. "All kidding aside, we've really missed you."

I went into the back room, and I ran into Cindy as she was leaving Mrs. Lincoln's office, "Well, speak of the devil! We were just talking about you," stated Cindy.

"I've been cleared to start working again, but only twice during the week and once on the weekend. Do you think that Mrs. Lincoln will find that acceptable?" I asked

"I think so. She'll be very happy to have you back, even if she doesn't say it to your face," whispered Cindy.

"Please come in, Erika," ordered Mrs. Lincoln, speaking from her office.

"I'll see you when you come out," whispered Cindy. "It's great to have you back!"

"Good evening, Mrs. Lincoln," I greeted her as I entered her office.

I must give you a description of her office. It was small, and a large antique desk dominated it. When you walked in, you were immediately standing in front of Mrs. Lincoln. You immediately knew who the boss was. There were two antique oak chairs in front of her desk, and you always waited for her permission to sit down!

Behind her desk were a computer and several file cabinets. The wall behind her desk was covered with photographs. Some were of clients, others of big events, and some were at fashion shows. I could see that some of the photos were pretty old, and I could also see several famous people in group shots with Mrs. Lincoln.

On the other walls were mounted posters from various fashion shows held in New York, Paris, Milan, and Berlin. I wished that I could spend some time just looking around, but I'd never have dared to ask her to do that. The pictures and posters were not up there to impress guests. They represented the history of her life.

"Please sit down, Erika," offered Mrs. Lincoln. "I see that you have the letter from Dr. McCall. She is a very remarkable young woman. She called and informed me that you were bringing her written permission. I agree with her recommendation."

I didn't say a word. I knew enough to keep quiet until she was finished. It was sort of funny how we played along with her rules. An outsider might think that we worked for the biggest tyrant in the world, but we knew it was the exact opposite.

"I will place you back on the schedule this week. I would like you here on Mondays and Thursdays 6:00-9:00 and on Sundays noon to 5:00. Is that acceptable to you, young lady?" she asked.

"Yes, very much so. Thank you very much, Mrs. Lincoln," I replied, barely holding in my excitement.

"Now, I do not want a repeat of what happened before. If you are getting too stressed, you let us know immediately," she ordered.

"I will. I've learned my lesson, and I don't want to go through that again."

"Wonderful, well, we'll see you on Thursday. Erika, it's wonderful to have you back."

"Thank you, Mrs. Lincoln. I appreciate everything that you and the staff have done for me. Good evening," I then got up and left.

I felt very fortunate to have become one of her "girls." I learned so much from her. But what made her so special was that she truly cared about us. We were closer to her than her blood relatives.

I told Cindy and Mel that I would see them Thursday, and then I headed over to meet Cat and Laura.

"Are you excited about going back to work?" asked Cat.

"Yes, and not just because I like working there, but it's another sign that I'm getting my life back to normal."

"Normal?" asked Cat. She had a big smile on her face.

"Well, normal for me, that is."

"Speaking of normal, did you know that our dear, sweet Erika will soon be a mother?" asked Laura.

"You get the baby this weekend?" asked Cat

"Yes. Well, it can't be worse than being pregnant."

"I'll bet you never thought you'd say that!" laughed Cat, and we all broke out laughing.

"Speaking of you being pregnant, I have some photos for you. Kristen gave me these this afternoon," Laura stated as she handed me several photos.

"I like this one," remarked Laura, pointing to the one with her looking at me.

"Cute!"

"So what are you going to do with your child when you go to work on Sunday?" asked Cat.

"We can have up to eight hours of 'baby sitting' over the entire weekend. Mom has agreed to watch 'junior' while I'm in group therapy and during work. The main key will be attached to my wrist, while a second key can be used for up to eight hours. Mrs. Roberts said that the recorder in the doll can tell the difference in between the keys, so we shouldn't try to cheat."

"I heard that you won't get a lot of sleep this weekend. Kristen said that the baby woke her up half a dozen times every night," added Laura.

"By the way, how come you two didn't take child development?" I asked.

"I actually wanted to, but I couldn't fit it into my schedule. So, I settled for fashion design," stated Laura.

Cat just smiled. "I decided that you were enough of a project this year."

"Well, I hope you get a passing grade!"

"I'm happy so far," replied Cat, with a smile.

"I agree; I think she's done a great job," added Laura.

Even though I knew they were kidding, I also knew that there was no way I could have made it this far without them.