A Gamer's Guide 383

There’s something oddly charming about meeting and getting to know people you have no reason to think you’ll ever meet again. We may only have stayed for a little more than a week, but that was enough to get to know them. If we ever meet again, I hope I’ll be able to show them the same courtesy they did for me. 

For now, though, the adventure continues! 

We’re walking since Garath still hasn’t turned back into a dragon, following one of the major roads leading North. The judge was kind enough to let us borrow a map to find our way, so we’ve got our path laid out for us. And, from now on, no more city visits. Any town or city that has a judge in it is a total no-go. If I was a bit more optimistic I might have tried to say that this particular judge was unusually good at recognizing human faces, but that would just be delusional. Any judge who was at that trial a couple of years back will recognize me as long as I’m in the Empire.

This worried me a bit, but while I was talking to the judge one evening, he actually told me that this whole judge system of aristocracy is mainly reserved for the Empire and affiliated nations. In other words, as long as I’m not in the Empire, I should be fine! Probably… 

Well, who knows? Part of the joy of an adventure is not knowing everything to come! Which is why I’ve spent a majority of the past days planning out our route in exacting detail. We have enough food to last about a week, so we’ll make a stop in six days at this town right over here, continue trekking upwards through the Empire, and then into the kingdom right above it, which is apparently called Tumery. Now that I look at it, the Empire really is squeezed on all sides, isn’t it? Acheron and Ret-Inn to the west, Karita and Painum to the east… Hm. I wonder why Painum is named like that? Weird name. Anyways, if the Empire had been a tube of toothpaste, it would’ve exploded by now. At least it’s got a little piece up in the northeast so it can touch the sea. Nice. You have to appreciate the small things in life. 

I wonder if going to see the sea would be any nice…? 

Ah, no, not right now, Garath still can’t fly.

<I can.>

Yeah, but not with all of us together. You can’t even carry Lett yet!

<...I have faith that it will come eventually.>

Faith, but not hope? I am very disappointed in you, Garath. And you’re supposed to be my angel? Tut-tut. Shame box. Shame box for one thousand years!

“If you’re going to talk, will you please do so out loud?” Lett says, pressed against my back.

Oh, yeah, sorry. Ah. No, wait, “Sorry, yeah.” There we go. Perfectly finessed, hehe.

“Forgive the rudeness,” Garath says, his voice very clearly strained because he still hasn’t gotten used to the walking stick. “It’s a cane.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” He does make a good point, though. We’ve been walking for almost two hours now, so it’s about time we took a break. This place is…

I look up from the map. The forest floor is covered in a thick layer of snow, though the path we’re currently on is thankfully pretty much entirely clear thanks to the amount of wildlife that’s been through since the last time it snowed. Going by how clear and blue the sky is, I doubt it’ll snow anytime soon. It’s still cold as the dickens though, so we’re stuck with what we’ve already got for the time being. 

“Though it may not look like it,” Garath grunts, “I am trying.”

“Trying what?” I ask, though the look on his face clues me in pretty much instantly. “Oh, yeah. Turning back. Well…” I want to say we aren’t in a hurry, but considering that Simel should still be hunting us and all, that might not be the case. “Um… So am I? That is, trying to work up the hope and all. However it is I’m supposed to do that…”

I can feel Lett’s small gloved hands, gripping my shoulders a little tighter. Now that I think about it, he was very sorry that I had to carry him. In the past week or so, he’s started getting feeling in his feet again, which is awesome! So I really can’t see why he’d be upset that he isn’t doing the tarantella when he’s only had time to practice it for, like, a couple of days at most. Which is pretty damn relatable, to be honest.

“Wow,” I mutter. “Three fellas who all have a pathologic need to be useful. Should we figure out a word to say when we feel useless and need the other two to tell us not to worry about it?”

“The very notion is the height of immaturity,” Garath says. He rubs his irritatingly perfect chin. “It may be exactly what we need, yes.”

“No opposition from me,” Lett mutters from atop my shoulders. “How about help?”

“What, just straight-up help?” 

“Is that too simple?”

“It is doubtlessly a good thought, however, the chance that it would get misinterpreted in times of genuine distress are too great.”

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve got to agree with Garath on this one.” A thought strikes me. “Hey, what about—”

“Absolutely not,” Garath says, interrupting me before I even got to vocalize my idea.

“Boo, you’re no fun.” To accentuate my complete destruction of any and all self-worth he might have had, I poke out my tongue at him, cementing myself as the crowned winner of this debate. He rolls his eyes at me in a way that is so exaggerated one might almost interpret it as sarcastic. Since his attempts at a clap-back are clearly laughable and not worth my divine attention, I arch my neck to look at Lett. “Hey, Lett, any other good ideas?”

Hesitation paints his face, probably because we shot down his last suggestion. “I don’t know,” he says, looking at anywhere aside from my face.

I hum at the sight. “Okay, right, so, this is why we need the word. ‘Cause right now you’re feeling pretty useless, aren’t you?”

He pouts. “Maybe.”

“That’s a pretty mean thing to call yourself,” I say, very wisely. “Besides, even if you’re not useful right now, that doesn’t mean you’ll never be.”

“You can’t know that.”

Dang, he got me. “I guess not. Why do you need to be useful anyways?”

Lett doesn’t answer for a while, so Garath helpfully butts in, adding his two öre. “Should I be unable to fly you to safety or defend you from the forces that may block our path, it is my failing should you be hurt during these times.”

“I can handle myself, though,” I say. “And besides, I’ve got legs, haven’t I?” Feeling cheeky, I even add, “Heck, right now we’re doing fine, even though you’re all pink and fleshy!”

His face flushes pink and he hisses at me, which is neither scary nor threatening since he looks like the poster boy for male beauty treatments. 

“That’s mean,” Lett says from atop me. “Don’t say that.”

“Say what?” I ask, very clever. “I didn’t call him anything aside from pink and fleshy, which is true.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But?”

“You suggested…” Brows low over his face, I can tell that he’s using every braincell he has to figure out what his point here is. Since I’ve had a couple years of personal development, I’m patient enough to let him finish his thoughts. “You insinuated that we’d be fine without him. That even if he went away we’d still be okay, and so he wasn’t needed.”

“Did I?” I frown, all theatrical. “You got all of that out of me calling him useless?”

Realization dawns on him. Exactly what I want to see. “No. No, that’s not what—”

“Is that the point you’re trying to make, Hope?”

I bristle. Oh, that’s low. You sure do know how to rile me up, huh?

“If you wish to speak to me,” he says, savagely, “use your divine throat-equivalent.”

“Alright, alright,” I say. “No need to be like that. You should know as well I do that I’m only trying to prove a point here, nothing more.”

“The point that we fear being useless because we fear being left behind? What a striking revelation. There is certainly no way for any of us to have come to this realization on our own, yet still remain slaves to the impulse of defining ourselves by our utility. Is that not so, my master?”

A dull smile spreads across my lips. Ah, yeah. “So, how about we make the word useless? That should be succinct enough, wouldn’t you say?”

“Useless,” a little voice mutters from above. 

Before I have time to look up at him, I feel his head come to a rest atop mine, his chin pressing into the back of my head. “Useless, huh?” I shoot Garath a look. I don’t even have to vocalize my thoughts internally for him to get the memo. He sighs, closes the gap between us, and pats Lett on the back. “Useless, but not worthless.” Though I can’t look at him or even comfort him properly, I find myself smiling. “Even if you’re useless, we’d never leave you behind. All I expect in return is that you’ll both do the same for me.”

“Alright,” Lett mumbles into my hair. “I won’t.”

Garath shrugs and pats my shoulder. “Your will be done. Though you certainly know how to breathe fire into me.”

“Being irritating is not restricted to me alone, okay? We can all be very irritating if we simply put our minds to it. I believe in you, Garrie!”

Humming, Garath pauses for a moment, pressing his cane against his cheek. After a while, he looks me dead in the eyes and says, “You never had any chance of becoming a pro gamer and your parents were right.”

My mind shatters into a thousand pieces. Ah. Ah. Ah. 

Suddenly incorporeal, Lett drops straight through me, falling face-first into a pile of snow. 

And Garath, the evil dragon Hitler he is, simply smiles. “It would seem that I have found your weak spot, Kitty. Submit or your pride will forever remain scarred.”

“N—never!” I cry, forcing myself back into the physical realm. “Hold thy tongue, demon! Can’t you see what this petty strife has done? Lett has fallen!” 

Face down in the snow, Lett slowly moves himself to look even more splatted than he already was. “Dead,” comes his voice, muffled by snow. “I’ve died and can’t get up. Revenge is never justified.”

“See?” I say. “A poor innocent child, dead! His blood is on your hands.”

“It is true,” Garath says. “This is all my fault. I must atone!” And then he, too, falls into the snow. 

I’d probably join them if it hadn’t been for the snow. Brushing snow caked into my hair is really annoying. As I consider whether it’s worth it or not, I spot a couple rocks in the distance, perfectly sized to sit and take a break on. “Yeah, okay, you atone and all that, I’m going to go take a break.” I walk all of five steps before remembering that I’m currently the only able-bodied person in the group. “Do, um… Do you guys need help?”

<Please.>

I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure I can hear Lett mumbling the same plea.

Useless buggers. I love them so much.