I am not dead ^___^
Added 2025-03-05 04:31:38 +0000 UTCHello all . I must admit that even i did try to struggle , depression got me . All those events with new USA administration and full uncertainty about what will happen next (i live pretty close to current battlefield , less than 100 miles) is a bit too overwhelming . Still i am working , but for some reason i just cant finish what i started. I am working on ton of things , i managed to add some animations on tails , so they wag a bit (it working on procedure generation based forces from rig itself) , i figured out how to add controller not only to tail but to ears as well , with constant working setup that will be fine in all scenes (at least it was working for me for now), not losing compatibility with timeline animations , i did couple of beta models of kitty ..Also i did another shader that will be used for fur strands , so i can now make them nicely . Basic shaders for vam have only one side and most of double sided shaders got a lot of problems with ligth in VAM , at least those i did find working at all . So i did new shader just for that , because kitty cat need to have some fluff strand and without it would be not as i want it to look . SO i did tested and it working fine , and it has very good compatability with fur shader . it collides with it and sorts in position in space nicely . but as i come closer to publishing that stupid depression and multiplied perfectionism is killing me . So to have a bit of ease (i know that is stupid but i need to do something not just stare at walls in frustration) i will release beta for silver as well so i can feel that some kind of progress is really happening .And as i manage to pull myself from this depressive state - will post finished version . Also for gold i am making pack of emotions for Meredith as well , and they will be more than was for Diana. I wanted do some especially for oral fun , with different position of her tongue .
Sorry about that , but that is just how it is . I am pretty self aware about how depression can start , and what i need to end it :) hopefully also situation will be more clear in near future. So again .. i am not dead :D Just gathering myself from pieces ...
Again thanks for your support . That means a lot for me .
Dl post for silver and up
https://www.patreon.com/posts/75199717
Comments
I hope you're doing ok and that things get better soon. It's probably very hard under the circumstances I imagine, but yeah, working on stuff as distraction might help. Finding some form of escapism, something to explore and to keep your mind busy in dark times. Whatever works for you, there's definitely stuff out there, and here too for your project. I hope you stay strong and optimistic that things will get better.
SPQRAeternum
2025-03-14 00:39:55 +0000 UTCOh well. I write answer and delete it like 3 times :D Because you are right . But on other side - there is really awful side of all of that . I am still cant believe that from my birth to that moment humans are doubled their population . In real numbers whole Ukraine is just 35 millions , of 8 billions. So as i read in India for instance they say - nah. in all that "big" war you have casualties less than small city . We have more died in car crashes in that period of 3 years, so Why so much hassle. And you know what ? they got a point . As sad it sounds - humans not worth much to most humans . On other side if there some kind of nuclear war - just from climate change there will be casualties in china and india exceeding Ukraine population multiplied ( i`ve seen papers stating that approximate causalities will be around 350 millions at least in two years after) . Thats why they are kinda ok with all what is happening . But if you ask that is pandora box. There is a lot of countries that have bigger firepower than their neighbors and they have nuclear weapon. Why dont you attack all of them and just take over , if noone is going to stop you ? And only choice to stop that - have your own nuclear. So i think in few years a lot of small countries will do that , or at least try . As story shown - any guarantees worth nothing , if you dont have nuclear weapon . Anyway thanks for your comment , at this times i need all support i can get ^___^ I really appreciate that
Dorian
2025-03-10 00:14:45 +0000 UTCI've struggled with depression my whole life, and it's been a long life. I know *exactly* how it feels and how it crushes your ability to function. I have lost years of my life to that scourge of a disease. Even though I've gotten to a point where I can manage it and understand what triggers my rumination and depressive episodes and avoid losing so much time, there are still things that will knock me all the way back down to the bottom and make it very hard to crawl back out, and I don't care who sees this and gets angry, but this last election cycle has absolutely crushed me because I knew ALL OF THIS this would be the result, and sadly I knew this would be the result despite all my efforts to tell my countrymen to use their goddamn brains. I am not going to name politicians by name and set myself up for bot attacks, but I always wanted a better world, I always held hope that enough people grew up in the modern age that we could all agree on how to get to that better world, and I genuinely thought for much of my life that America was the best way to get to that better future. But between how we responded to 9/11, how we've ignored threats to our climate, how we keep electing the same people expecting different results, how we have so many people here claiming to be Christian who also hate groups of other people, how we've collectively started to discard the scientific method and factual information, how we responded to fucking Covid 19 and how we allowed objective reality to become politicized, and yes, how we're abandoning Ukraine... it has all given me in the darkest, blackest pill to swallow that we're not going to get there to that promised future we always held a secret hope for. Not us, not in our lives, not anytime soon. Nobody is coming. Our species is going to be stuck on this back-and-forth ride for centuries still. Maybe longer if we live. We're the same damn creatures who were huddling in caves during the ice-age making up stories to explain why the saber-tooth cats sometimes eat some people and not others. That's the world that shaped our brains, and it's why you have a war at your back door right now. We are primitive, stupid creatures and what's worse, is the majority of people are even stupider. We have so, so far to go. The best I can offer you is this: *SURVIVE.* Whatever it takes, for whatever reasons you can muster up, just survive. Abandon all ideas that you are in a rational, reasonable world and pretend you've been transported back to the dark ages and everything wants to kill you, because we never left. I'm here ready to leave my nation behind if it continues to erode, all because men with too much money want more money and the population is made of primates looking for a good story to follow. If you have to get out, get out. Just survive, nobody is coming. Nobody was *ever* coming and that's the hard one we're all dealing with.
Machinetime
2025-03-09 23:07:55 +0000 UTC
