Collar6 Remastered #03
Added 2018-12-11 08:37:44 +0000 UTCWell, I couldn't stop myself, it seems. Chances are, I'm going to keep going forward with this remaster, because there's so much I want to fix up. Removing the hot coffee segment here and having Ginger and Laura already familiar with each other makes the narrative far less lopsided, for me.
And don't worry, the original archive will be posted somewhere once I find a safe home for it. In the meantime, I hope y'all are enjoying this at least a little.
New Collar(ed)6 this weekend, followed by a new Collar6 the weekend after~
Comments
That's... a very concise, well-thought out point. Laura's kindness and willingness to put others before herself *does* frame the character.
Fiona
2018-12-14 03:28:40 +0000 UTCThank you, I am so much happier with this version. I went into this not knowing what I was doing a decade ago, but now I have a clear vision of what it's become and I know what to keep and what not to.
Fiona
2018-12-14 03:26:12 +0000 UTCWell, this version of events is certainly nice to see, with the trio already having developed a extremely strong bond between all of them (with both Ginger and Laura treating each other like very close siblings) and how the full truth about what the paxiao herb can do (along with the side-effects) is being publically discussed between all parties... But I do have to wonder about something else now: how exactly did the initial reveal of just how incredibly wealthy Michelle really is (given Laura's roots in the original timeline) end up going in this version of events, along with the first meeting between both Ginger and Laura (since things were a bit bumpy between them, at least to begin with, due to Michelle failing to realize jsut how attracted Ginger really was towards her; in the first version of events)? You might have found certain elements of how you'd ended up doing things in the original story a bit questionable, something which is quite understandable (due to the questionable choices Michelle made when it came to Laura), but I also kind of liked how this rocky start resulted in the initial group's rough relationships developing into the powerful bonds that have ended up forming between both the original three members and all of the more recent additions to their family (along with showing just how kind and generous Laura is at heart, with her not only forgiving Michelle for everything that she'd ended up doing because of all the previously mentioned questionable choices, but also making the demand that Ginger [one of her rivals for Michelle's affections and the one who had also given her an extremely rough time during their meeting, due to just how mad Ginger was that this new arrival seemed to have stolen her mistress's affections away in such a short amount of time, while she'd been working for Michelle over a long period of time and not had much luck with that task] should also get a chance to be collared by Michelle alongside her; a choice which helped to create a powerful bond with Ginger)! Hopefully, we will still get a chance to see Laura's incredible ability to make some kind of a positive connection with most of those who would stand in direct opposition to her personally and all of her loved ones, she's the glue that helps to hold this group together (along with turning most of their past foes into allies)...
DarkJade
2018-12-13 16:24:56 +0000 UTCI like this. Explanation and consent is given before they drink. Everyone is going into this knowing what will happen ahead of time. This is the right way to do this plot point. I also like the elimination of the "surprise I'm rich" part. This flows very nice.
Wild Card
2018-12-13 02:52:48 +0000 UTCThank you. That's precisely what was bothering me. Just this awful disregard for Laura. OG Sixx lies to her about what her life is like for three years, then brings her home, spanks her, drugs her up, and then puts her in a heavy rubber suit and electro-plays with her. How I thought this was okay I don't know. But it's bothered the hell out of me since and I'm very, VERY happy to be getting rid of it.
Fiona
2018-12-11 22:32:16 +0000 UTCI like these. As you've pointed out before, there are some rather untidy story elements back here at the beginning. It's nice seeing this bit with actual communication and things rather than "surprise, I'm super rich, now I'm going to dose your coffee because I'm too insecure to ask first."
Nitari Windrider
2018-12-11 15:06:19 +0000 UTC
