Patreon, R&P Q&A #199: Week 100

Breaking Free Activity #11 - Tuesday 13th December 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Plan a weekend trip to the mountains or beach. If possible, plan a vacatqion or retreat for a week or longer by yourself to a place where no one knows you. Visit a foreign country by yourself if at all possible. Use this time as an opportunity for self-observation and reflection. Keep a journal. Practice good self-care. Take along this book and spend time doing the Breaking Free exercises. When you return home, observe how you are different and how long it takes for you to begin returning to familiar patterns. - I will go to Scotland Edinburg in the year 2023 by myself Travelling by myself will be scary and perhaps that why I won’t let my girlfriend do it apart from my caring about her safety. have an emotional attachment to not wanting to be alone for a long time for a long time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Breaking Free Activity #12 - Friday 19th December 2022 Do you believe it is OK for you to have needs? Do you believe people want to help you meet your needs? Do you believe this world is a place of abundance? Back in the day I use to be the type to fuck things up intentionally because I didn’t believe I deserved to have nice things happen to me. I was comfortable living in world of constant chaos. I do believe it is important and okay for me to have my needs met. I should not and will not feel bad for having my needs met, I meet other peoples. We are all humans, and everyone has the rights to have needs most importantly myself. I do people that people do want to meet my needs. I will learn to look out more and more for this. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------   Breaking Free Activity #13 - 24th December – Example 1 1. I will pretend to not see that the clothes in the washing machine is ready to be hanged up 2. You will do the washing, because that is the role you have chosen to do for me. 3. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Example 2 1. I will go to carnival with my boys, I will not talk about that I am going to dance with other women 2. You will go with your girls, pretend as if you are not going to dance with other men 3. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Example 3 1. I will do the bin for us, 2. so that you do the washing for me 3. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Example 4. 1. I pick up a task at work knowing that I can’t do it, ask for help from a colleague 2. THE colleague will pretend as if they don’t know that I do not know the 3. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Activity #14- 29th December – Seems to a strange one of me. Should i tell my partner that i will not be cooking for one week, then for a whole other week?

Cocky_funny

Field report 4- 22/12/2022 Chore play is killing me. My goal is to get a handle of my chore play. Last week Thursday- I failed a shit. My gf came home before me and found clothes on the bed which I don’t usually do. 5 minutes later I arrived, she asked me “what happened to the clothes on the bed”. I froze. I then replied, “is this what you have been thinking about all day”, she responded “no I just came home”. I then walked/(escaped) out of the bedroom to the bathroom. 10 mins later we were both in the kitchen, she then mentioned “you still haven’t answered my question”. I then said, “clean it up for me then, I always clean up your messy clothes from the bed”. This then started a massive argument. I was guilt tripped by her saying “why do I have one rule for her and another rule for myself, why are you a hypocrite and why are you being toxic”. “if this was me, you will be down my ear complaining” this is true. She was not comfortable with for me 3 days. During the tree days I always woke up with a goldfish memory. On Christmas eve on my way to my parents, this same story came up in our taxi. We argued again. She told me to “Man up, be a man and learn to apologise”. I didn’t apologise. When we arrived at my parents she said, “I’m not going to your parents’ house if you don’t apologize, I don’t like to be fake Infront of people, I don’t like us not been on good terms”, “what do you have to say for yourself”. Before we went into my parents’ home, I then told her, “look, I know I over reacted, I could have reacted better”. That calmed things down and we had a nice, lovely Christmas eve and Christmas breakfast. I made some progress by not apologising for something that I meant which was “ clean it up for me then, I always clean up your messy clothes from the bed” Past two days: When it comes to dinner and cooking, I have created a rule stating who ever cooks, should also do the washing up. For the past two days I prepared dinner. Last night after finishing my dinner I said to myself I don’t feel like washing up. I left my plate on the dinner table and went for a shower. 30mins later my gf came into the bedroom and asked me did I finish eating and why did I leave my unfinished plate of food on the table. I told her so you cleared your plate but not mine. This then started another argument. Truth to be told I knew this was a covert contract. Me leaving my plate on the table is something that I use to do in past with the “hope” of her washing it up for me without me asking or stating my desires. But I have noticed we both don’t like to wash each other’s plates. Chore play is killing me. My goal is to get a handle of my chore play. Small assertive progress/win 1. During boxing day when I was travelling with my dad and brother via car. Sitting in the front I had the courage to turn the volume up in the car. This is something I feared doing as a kid but everyone in my family comfortably did. This is something I hadn’t done before. He didn’t complain, nor shout. 2. When he was driving home, I had the courage to tell him that his GPS planning going back home was not efficient, after 10mins of talking he corrected it. Back as a kid, I wouldn’t have said anything and just see him fail.

Cocky_funny

I've gotten to the point where if a woman does that validation shit after sex, especially where I told them they were hot/sexy, I just say "fuck off" and walk away. I have no time for that shit. Not my problem if they feel ugly.

I have no good model of what a "healthy" relationship should look like. Like what's the vision, I do know I want an awesome sex life. Trying to keep things short, I could have written 10 times as much. Unclear to me what to include and what not to. I came home from office. Put my shit away. Immediately went to kissing and groping wifey. Started to lead her to bedroom. She was "oh...ugh...ok". Started with some foreplay. She wasn't gettingwet. (This used to be the norm, lately it wasn't). Wasn't goingto, but decided to go down on her to get her going. I was dissapointed and didn't really want to, she could tell. (I realize now, dissapointment was from validation seeking, I can stop that). Gother going, then I fucked her. She wasn't that into it, I didn't care and just went caveman. Enjoyed myself. After wards she was grouchy. I didn't care. It passed quickly. Caveman sex like this is good for me, programs my brain away fromvalidation seeking behavior. After that, she was generally pleasant(with exceptions) for rest of week. As opposed to generally unpleasant, like she had been fora few days. As I was going to sleep. She said, would like you to acknowledge that I had sex even with my back hurting. I said, "yeah". Then she got quiet, and said something like, I guess I'm not going to getacknowledgement. I should have probably STFU, but just said "I acknowledge" and went to sleep after that. Two days later was Christmass evena and a day before I was leaving to take care of a close relative recovering from a very major surgery. She asked me if we were having sex tonight, I said, yes with a very confident aloofness, which made her giggle. She asked forplans as we were, I told her. She even voluntarily helped me with the ironing and packing for trip. When it was time for sex, she put on her best lingerie, mostly stuff I got her and some of her own additions. Realized how very hot my wife is. Told her. Sex was great. Afterwards wifey said she felt ugly. While I was away, texting was at a minimum, mostly logistics. No phonecalls. When I came home dinner was ready. Wife was pleasant. Next morning wife is unpleasant(mostly silent + out loud complaints to herself I can hear). At first I started to feel anxiety(emotions are stupid and I'm stupid for having them), but instead put on my noise cancelling headphones and now I'm just writing this report and then I'll go to the gym. Then I'll read. It's not that bad. Started reading Sex God Method, and realize where I've been fucking up and how I used to do much of this naturally. Looking forward to Rians new book.