What Dominant Women Want

Hello my dears! Happy autumn!

Every now and then I'll do a post like this one where I give you some (hopefully helpful) insights into the minds of your favorite type of female. How useful it will be depends on your current situation. Maybe you're seeking a relationship with a dominant woman, maybe you're already in one and perhaps you prefer to keep your dealings with them strictly professional. This missive will mostly be for the first group, though you may find it enlightening regardless.

Let's start with what dominant women definitely DON'T want. I was thinking of making that the title of the post, but it's not nearly as catchy. So, how is it that dominant women NEVER want to be approached? Exhibit A:

Guys like this (and they are legion) are why I have DM's turned off on our Twitter account. If they weren't turned off, I would be spammed by such messages endlessly. Requests to sext / role play. Offers to be my slave from men I don't know in the slightest. This is despite my clearly written bio that I'm the proud owner of James and I've made no mention, anywhere, that I'm looking for more.

Anyone who's been around the scene for a while knows this is a bad idea. I mention it only for less experienced submissives and to give an example of the kind of thing dominant women have to put up with ALL THE TIME once they announce to the world that they are, in fact, dominant. It's also to make the point that it's BECAUSE of all those rude, poorly behaved guys that many women DON'T announce they're dominant or interested in trying it out. So, to the extent you can help discourage that behavior, the world will embrace Femdom more and things get better for all of us.

Ok, so that's a good example of what not to do. What is it, more precisely, that dominant women are looking for?

If we're talking about a Pro Domme, that's fairly straight forward. Be on time, be clean, pay in full. Be respectful. Communicate your desires and boundaries clearly before the session. Tip her well if you enjoy the service.

If you're looking for an FLR (Female Led Relationship) that question instantly becomes more complicated, because women are not a monolith. What women want, specifically, varies greatly. For the purposes of this post, I will be very general in regards to things I think most dominant women who are interested in an FLR are looking for.

The vast majority of dominant women (who are not professionals for hire) will want to be in some kind of relationship with you before they even consider dominating / topping you. They need to feel comfortable around you. They need to be able to trust you as much as you're placing trust in them. And for many women it may go even further than that. They may want to LOVE you first (oh my!)

Have you ever heard of Demisexuality? Demisexuals are people who can't feel attraction to another person until they form an emotional bond with them. I'm not a demisexual, because I can see a handsome actor on television and go "Wooo, he's hot!" I might feel a little tingle below while looking at them. Demisexuals literally cannot do that. For them, there is no physical attraction without an emotional connection first.

Demisexuals are a tiny portion of the population (1% or less most likely), but I bring them up because I find it's a useful analogy for women and relationships in general. Your average dominant woman might find you physically attractive. She might even be raging horny on a given day. But is she willing to top you? Almost definitely not. Why? Because she doesn't know you yet. She doesn't feel safe. And no trust / respect / bond has been formed. Domination, especially in the context of a relationship, is a form of intimacy, and no stranger or mere acquaintance has earned it. (This is highlighting the contrast between real life Femdom and some of James' more fantastical stories, isn't it? I hope so.)

Even more than regular relationships, BDSM requires trust, knowledge and respect to engage in play safely. Having a bond with your partner is that much more important. In that context, you can see why the (sadly typical) example of the direct message above is so insulting, inadequate and dispiriting to dominant women. It ignores and devalues everything important about Femdom and BDSM culture in general.

Their endeth the lesson, for now. Perhaps I'll get into more tips about how to meet, engage with and impress dominant women another time. Also, what dominant women want beyond the basics, once that bond has been formed. There are different types of Dommes after all. Gentle / Mommy dommes, Sadist / pain dommes, Fetish dommes. The list goes on.

Now, I'd like to hear from you! You'll find the latest poll below. Where do you stand, at this moment in your life, in terms of FLRs and your enjoyment of Femdom? I can't wait to see the results.

James has had a hell of a time nailing down his commission for this month, but it's finally sealed and the writing is underway. You can expect a full length story before long, most likely near the end of the week.

That's all for now, my lovelies. Until next time, stay naughty!

Yours Truly,

Mistress Cereza