The Weapon Master Shall Never Die Bare-Handed in Genshin Impact [372]

“Well, that’s just how it is, right? Ghosts in horror stories are bound to be scary.” Jia Changjiang mused. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll run into a ghost popping up out of nowhere around Wuwang Hill.”

Paimon huffed in annoyance. “Mr. Jax, you too?! Stop trying to scare me! That’s impossible!”

She flew ahead, facing Jia Changjiang and Lumine while drifting backward. “Besides… e-even if there were ghosts, we have the Traveler and Mr. Jax! There’s definitely a way to handle it.”

“Paimon believes—”

Before she could finish her sentence, she suddenly bumped into a shadowy figure that had appeared behind her.

“AAAAHHH!!!” Paimon shrieked in terror.

The man she had crashed into—a funeral attendant dressed in burial robes—let out a scream of his own the moment he saw Jia Changjiang and the others.

“A-a flying ghost! A zombie?! And a blonde… w-what?!”

The man took one look at them and bolted.

Paimon, still mid-scream, paused in confusion. “Ghost…?”

Jia Changjiang patted his bandage-wrapped body. “Zombie…?”

Lumine, looking utterly baffled, frowned. “And what do you mean by ‘blonde what’? If you can’t think of a proper description, don’t just make something up! Get back here!”

With one hand gripping Jia Changjiang’s wheelchair and the other holding Paimon, Lumine charged after the fleeing funeral attendant.

Seeing the fierce expression on her face, the man panicked even more.

“A-a monster! A blonde youkai!”

Because seriously, what besides a monster would be dragging a zombie in one hand and a ghost in the other while chasing someone through Wuwang Hill?! At that thought, the funeral attendant picked up his pace, running as fast as he could.

---

“Master… Master!”

The funeral attendant finally burst out of the woods, gasping for breath as he called out to a young girl. “There’s—there’s a ghost, a zombie, and a youkai all chasing me!!”

The girl, clad in black robes with hints of deep red, carried an air of solemnity despite her youthful appearance.

This was none other than Hu Tao, the 77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

“Oh?”

Hearing the man’s frantic cries, Hu Tao perked up with interest and turned her gaze toward the forest.

A second later, a golden-haired girl came charging out, dragging a wheelchair with one hand and clutching Paimon with the other. She rushed straight at the funeral attendant, grabbing him by the collar and lifting him off the ground.

“Who are you calling a youkai? Look closely, will you?!”

Lumine demanded. “Have you ever seen a youkai that looks like me?!”

“Ma… Master…”

The funeral attendant, nearly choking, gasped for help. “S-save me…”

“Ahem.”

Hu Tao cleared her throat, drawing Lumine’s attention to her. “Dear guest, my apologies. This is Lao Meng, a new undertaker at our funeral parlor. It’s his first time handling funeral services, so he’s still a bit jumpy.”

“Funeral services…?” Paimon’s eyes widened. “Wait, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor—that’s the one where Zhongli works as a consultant! You’re from that Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?!”

Hu Tao arched a brow. “Oh~? So you know Zhongli? That makes things easier, then.”

After Lumine finally let go of Lao Meng, Hu Tao continued with a cheerful smile. “I’m Hu Tao, current director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. I oversee, well… matters of life and death.”

“We’re a long-established business. Whatever your needs, feel free to let me know—I can even offer you a discount.”

“I’m not a customer,” Lumine said flatly.

“Yeah! Even if we were looking for Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, we wouldn’t come all the way to Wuwang Hill for it!” Paimon added.

“Oh?” Hu Tao raised an eyebrow. “That’s odd. I’d say you need our services quite badly right now. Didn’t you bring a corpse with you?”

“…Corpse?” Lumine blinked and turned to look for Jia Changjiang—

Only to realize he was gone.

Instead, there were two long, freshly imprinted wheel tracks leading straight toward the cliffside.

Everyone knew that one of the reasons Wuwang Hill was called Wuwang Hill was because…

Well, it was a hill. With a steep incline.

“GREENIE!!!!!!”

...

By the time Lumine managed to haul Jia Changjiang and his wheelchair back up—after stopping his fall by stabbing her sword into the cliffside—he was completely done with this entire situation.

Technically, he should have been able to stop himself.

But thanks to the momentum from Lumine’s reckless charge earlier, he had ended up rolling straight off the edge.

If not for his quick reflexes—stowing his wheelchair into his inventory and grabbing onto some cliffside vegetation—he would’ve already been enjoying Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s special buy-one-get-one-free service.

Yes… buy one burial service, get a free box with it.

No matter how fancy you renovate a house, it’s only a temporary residence. That little box is your forever home…

“What a shame,” Hu Tao sighed as she watched Jia Changjiang catch his breath. “So it wasn’t a business opportunity after all.”

“I told you we’re not customers…” Lumine muttered, feeling a little guilty.

“No worries. Even if you’re not customers now, everyone who’s born into this world is fated to be my customer someday.” Hu Tao grinned. “Maybe not today, but eventually.”

“Wangsheng Funeral Parlor welcomes advance reservations. Just make sure you get the date right—otherwise, it takes a lot of effort to fix.”

She smiled sweetly. “Even if you can’t decide right away, at least let me know. Otherwise, if I see you walking around all alive and well, I might get really disappointed.”

“…?”

Lumine’s face displayed two large question marks.

She understood every word Hu Tao said individually, but once she put them together, she had no idea what they actually meant.

Lumine studied Hu Tao carefully.

A beautiful girl. Approved!

“I totally understand now!” Lumine declared confidently.

“Hey!” Paimon protested.

“Let me explain instead.”

Lao Meng, having finally caught his breath and realizing that Jia Changjiang and the others weren’t actually monsters, spoke up. “Recently, there’ve been strange supernatural occurrences at Wuwang Hill. To put an end to the disturbances, we held a funeral ceremony… Everything went smoothly, so there shouldn’t be any more issues in the near future.”

“Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Wuwang Hill, funerals… those all go hand in hand. No need for extra explanations.” Hu Tao waved dismissively. “But you guys… bringing an injured person all the way to Wuwang Hill—were you really looking to do business with us?”

“…I think,” Jia Changjiang sighed, pressing his fingers against his forehead, “that I really don’t want to do business with you. From the bottom of my heart.”

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T/N: heheheheheauehuahe a blonde heruheuheuhe

This is a fan translation of 武器大师在原神绝不死于徒手 by 徐人双 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!