[Starting in Naruto with a Daily Login System] Chapter 33 Jiraiya’s Life Advice (aka Why Are We Listening to This Man?)

There are a lot of things I could be doing right now.

Training.

Strategizing.

Mentally preparing myself for whatever inevitable disaster Obito was going to cause next.

Instead, I was sitting in a restaurant, listening to Jiraiya of all people give us life advice.

“So, kids,” Jiraiya began, grinning over a plate of skewers, “what’s the most important thing in life?”

I immediately looked to Minato-sensei for help.

Minato just smiled. “Go on, Jiraiya-sensei. I’m curious about your answer.”

Minato. Why.

Jiraiya nodded, completely missing—or choosing to miss—my silent plea for intervention. “The most important thing in life is—”

Obito leaned forward eagerly. Rin looked interested. Even Kushina seemed amused.

I, on the other hand, was already bracing for impact.

Then Jiraiya smirked and proudly declared, “Women.”

Rin choked on her tea.

Kushina whacked him over the head immediately. “No. Absolutely not.”

Obito looked horrified. “You mean like—like romance?”

Jiraiya grinned. “Exactly, my boy! A shinobi’s greatest strength is his passion!”

Rin, still recovering, turned to me. “Kakashi, are you okay?”

I was not okay. I was staring blankly at my rice, contemplating my life choices.

I exhaled slowly. “Obito, this is your fault.”

“What? Why?”

“You suggested the hot springs. Which led to us running into Jiraiya. Which led to this.” I gestured vaguely at the tragedy unfolding before us.

Obito looked offended. “That’s a stretch!”

Minato-sensei chuckled. “I think Kakashi just doesn’t want to admit he’s bad with romance.”

I slowly turned my head. Et tu, Minato-sensei?

Jiraiya slapped my back, nearly sending me face-first into my food. “Don’t worry, Kakashi! With my guidance, you’ll be charming ladies in no time!”

I immediately sat up. “I’m leaving.”

Rin grabbed my sleeve. “No, you’re not.”

“I should leave.”

“You won’t.”

“I should.”

Jiraiya laughed. “Oh, come on! I’m giving you valuable life lessons here!”

Kushina crossed her arms. “Jiraiya-sensei, I refuse to let you corrupt these children.”

He scoffed. “They’re teenagers.”

“They are babies.”

Obito muttered, “I am not a baby.”

Kushina turned to him. “You are a baby.”

Obito sulked.

Meanwhile, Jiraiya was completely ignoring us. “Look, all I’m saying is, the world isn’t just about missions and training. You’ve gotta enjoy life, too!”

Minato-sensei smiled. “That’s a good lesson.”

I sighed. “It was a good lesson. Right up until you started talking about women.”

Jiraiya grinned. “It’s all connected.”

I stabbed my rice.

Unfortunately, the conversation did not stop there.

Some highlights:

“A true shinobi doesn’t just fight! He woos!”

“You should all start keeping a love diary.” (Kushina threatened him at this point.)

“Minato, you should definitely propose soon.” (Kushina didn’t threaten him here. Interesting.)

“Obito, if you need tips, just let me know!”

“Kakashi, your brooding thing could be a real hit with the ladies.”

At this point, I turned to Minato-sensei. “Please make it stop.”

Minato just smiled.

I was alone in this cruel world.

Eventually, by some miracle, the conversation shifted.

I let my guard down.

That was my second mistake.

“So,” Jiraiya said, “what’s this I hear about Minato becoming Hokage soon?”

We all paused.

Minato-sensei blinked. “How did you hear about that?”

Jiraiya smirked. “I have my sources.”

Obito lit up. “Oh yeah! We were supposed to have a celebration for that, right?”

Kushina gasped. “That’s right! Minato’s gonna be Hokage!”

Rin beamed. “It’s incredible, Sensei!”

I gave a nod. “It’s well-deserved.”

Minato chuckled, rubbing his neck. “It’s still not official until next month.”

Jiraiya laughed. “Oh, we’re celebrating tonight. No way we’re letting this slide.”

Kushina’s eyes gleamed dangerously. “That’s right! Minato, you are not escaping a party.”

Minato, a man who had faced countless enemies, survived the war, and was feared on the battlefield, paled slightly.

“…Be gentle?” he tried.

Kushina grinned. “No promises.”

Minato-sensei was doomed.

And honestly?

I smiled

For once, it wasn’t my problem.

—

You ever watch a man walk to his own execution?

That was Minato-sensei right now.

And the executioner?

Kushina Uzumaki, of course.

The second we got back to Konoha, Kushina went full force.

“Alright, listen up!” she barked, clapping her hands. “We’re throwing the best damn party this village has ever seen! We need food, decorations, and—Obito, if you even think about setting off fireworks indoors, I will personally throw you into the Hokage Monument.”

Obito, caught mid-suspicious-thought, slowly closed his mouth.

Rin smiled. “I’ll help with decorations!”

“I’ll handle the food,” I said. Because let’s be honest, that’s the most important part.

Jiraiya smirked. “I’ll invite some lovely ladies—”

“No, you won’t.” Kushina shut that down immediately.

Jiraiya sighed dramatically. “You guys never let me have any fun.”

“Your version of fun is illegal in at least five countries.”

Minato coughed. “Should I—”

Kushina grabbed his shoulders. “Minato. Love of my life. Shut up and let us celebrate you.”

Minato shut up.

The Hokage’s office was decorated with banners, lanterns, and a suspicious amount of sake (which, apparently, Jiraiya was allowed to contribute).

The guest list was small—just us, a few trusted friends, and some of Minato’s allies. No big formal thing. Just a private party for Konoha’s next Hokage.

Minato, of course, was doing his best to stay humble about it.

“You guys didn’t have to do all this,” he said, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

Kushina smirked. “Oh, we absolutely did.”

Jiraiya clapped a hand on his back. “Don’t fight it, kid! Just accept your fate.”

Obito raised a cup. “To the greatest Sensei!”

Rin smiled. “And the future Hokage!”

I added, “And the poor soul who still has to deal with us.”

Minato chuckled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He says that now.

At some point, the party turned into an impromptu roast.

Jiraiya started it.

“You know, Minato was the biggest crybaby when I first met him.”

Minato choked. “Jiraiya-sensei—”

“Oh yeah. Couldn’t handle a single scolding. One time, he messed up a Rasengan and sulked for three days.”

Kushina cackled. “Oh, I knew he had a secret dorky side!”

Rin gasped. “Sensei, you sulked?”

“I was ten!” Minato protested.

Obito snickered. “Still funny.”

Jiraiya grinned. “And don’t get me started on his first time talking to Kushina—”

Minato turned red. “NOPE. We’re done here.”

Kushina’s grin was downright evil. “Oh, we’re not done.”

She leaned forward. “Minato once wrote me a love poem.”

Minato groaned. “Kushina—”

She cleared her throat dramatically.

"Your hair is red like fire so bright,
 Your strength and kindness, my guiding light—"

Jiraiya wheezed.

Obito was crying. “I can’t—this is gold—”

Rin giggled. “That’s actually really sweet.”

Minato had his face in his hands. “I regret everything.”

I patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, Sensei. We all make mistakes.”

Kushina beamed. “I kept the poem.”

Minato slumped forward onto the table.

Rest in peace, Minato-sensei.

By the end of the night, Minato had suffered severe emotional damage, Jiraiya was tipsy, and I had successfully stolen a plate of dango to take home.

Kushina sighed happily. “That was a great night.”

Obito grinned. “Best party ever.”

Minato, looking exhausted, smiled. “I really appreciate this, guys. Thank you.”

Jiraiya ruffled his hair. “You’ll do great, kid.”

Minato straightened. “I’ll do my best.”

I watched him, thoughtful.

Minato Namikaze. My Sensei.

My future Hokage.

…Yeah.

I think he’ll do just fine.