Highschool AU 2: AU Harder

Highschool AU 2: AU Harder

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Commissioned by Althero

Word Count: 1053

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“Cute.”

Oh my Kami-sama, I understand that you truly exist now.

This being before me cannot exist, if you did not.

This utter pinnacle of cuteness…

This being composed of the very essence of purity and happiness…

This being known as Coda is undoubtedly a miracle you have granted upon us people of the Earth.

“Ah, thank you.” LOOK UPON THIS YE MIGHTY AND BOW WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING. Though the word had slipped out of my mouth the moment I’d laid my eyes on her, I was not emotionally destroyed by being looked at with a disgusted face! Aahahaah! My life is amazing— “Oh, Li-kun. Welcome home.”

“I’m home, Coda-chan.”

Kami-sama is dead. There is no justice in the world. There is only corruption and evil. Everyone is but dust in the wind. The only solace anyone has is that in a few billion years nothing will remain of anyone and anything. The light of the stars will die out. The universe will die due to entropy.

And, the darkness I feel in my heart shall be everything.

“Ah, Issei would you like to have dinner with us?”

“Please, come in. I would like to meet Li-kun’s best friend.”

“Okay! Thanks, Li!”

Kami-sama, I will ensure my children praise you!

…

Li in a ponytail and an apron was too much for my mind, so I decided to spend my time with Coda instead.

Coda in a shorts and a too big shirt was too much for my mind, so I decided to spend my time with Li instead.

Wait.

I’m looping aren’t I.

I’ve reached the point where my brain can’t keep up with this comfy domestic life between two incredibly attractive people, one of whom is a guy who I have absolutely no interest whatsoever no matter how much my parents state otherwise.

Anyway, with sheer willpower, I sat myself next to Coda whilst she watched TV and ate ice cream before dinner.

Generally speaking, ice cream shouldn’t be eaten before dinner, but I don’t think anyone in the world is evil enough to tell Coda in a too-big t-shirt to stop eating ice cream.

And, if such an evil existed, they were surely such a terrible force in existence that all of reality would rise up to destroy them.

Yep.

Coda is that cute.

Just looking at her makes my heart feel calmer.

I could probably just stare at her all day and die forgetting to take care about myself!

Ah, that’s bad.

And, staring for that long is really bad.

Quick, brain! I know that you’re struggling to stay sane at this very moment, but we need to talk before we’re declared too weird!

“Ah… ummm… so, you’re the Ebony Emperor, Coda-c-san?” Nice job, brain! You’ve stopped me from making a fool of myself! Yes! Wait. Why dos she look so sad suddenly!? I didn’t call her –chan so that she wouldn’t be sad, like all the others girls! BRAIN, APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING CODA CRY THIS INSTANT! “Ah, did I say something wrong!? I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay. It’s just that I don’t like talking about the past, because I was a delinquent.” What. Those words and Coda being Coda doesn’t make sense. Coda walking around with a baseball bat and a long coat with Ebony Emperor in red on the back… nope. Still cute. How does that even work. “I made a lot of people hurt. And, when no one on the streets could fight me anymore, I took to the dojos. There I destroyed many people, too.”

I’m sorry, but can this exposition wait for a second. I’m still trying to equal you with being a delinquent, Coda-san. Please, hold on for a second. I can’t see you harming a fly, let alone beating people half to death. How about a motorcycle with the rest of the costume? Does that make it more threatening? Nope. Now I’m just seeing Coda-san with a wicker hat, sundress, and on a scooter. See? Reality itself is rejecting the notion that Coda can be anyone besides a good girl. It makes no sense at all.

“I went into dojo after dojo without mercy.”

Let me try this again.

Coda with a baseball bat. No good. All I’m seeing is some fun times at the batting cages and Coda with a baseball helmet too big for her. Sundress is still there. Yep. Still cute.

“To end violence, I inflicted violence.”

Coda with a baseball bat and a delinquent leader’s black coat and with the Ebony Emperor on the back. What do you have for me, brain? Ah, yep. That’s Coda in a too-big black sweater with the word cute plastered on it. The baseball bat has ceased existing completely.

How about Coda with a  gang of menacing individuals who’d beat my face in?

“Without care or composure about humanity itself, I destroyed.”

Oh, well. She’s still cute, but there’s definitely a bunch of menacing individuals at her back who’ll still beat my face in. That makes total sense, though. They even have “Coda is the best” plastered all over their clothes. There’s a banner to. How can I join this fad, exactly? I want in on this fad. Really, I’ll buy that shirt and that banner.

I’m sorry, Kami-sama, but I’m sure you’ll understand why I’ll be leaving you.

“I even kicked a puppy.”

Wait, what was that? You already protecting Coda-san? Ah, I see.

You’re definitely worthy of being worshipped Kami-sama.

“Then, Li-kun came and helped me, and we’ve been living together ever since.” Augh! Pain! Insurmountable pain! I feel it coursing through my body, entering my heart, and shattering it into a thousand pieces. That voice, so filled with joy and love, is my anathema. Those cute features that I praised have become a weapon to surpass all weapons. I can feel my very soul dying. Oh, Kami-sama, damn you for toying with my feeble mortal life. I will find a way to kill you one day. ONE DAY! “I’m so happy he’s introducing his friends to me now too. I hope that we can be friends, Issei-kun.”

Kun?

KUN?

KUN!?

I need to go to the nearest temple and seek a life of piety this instant!

Wait, wasn’t there something about a challenge that we needed to talk about?