Honestly, I Don't Know What I Expected: Teen Troubles

Honestly, I Don't Know What I Expected: Teen Troubles

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Commissioned by Patreon Special

Word Count: 3049

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Those who can’t do: teach.

That’s one of the most stupid phrases ever said.

Allow me to explain.

The average human being is a miserable sack of shit that thinks it’s the best thing to ever grace reality. Sure, you might say that’s a baseless assumption, but tell me this: have you met a single person who just accepts being wrong? Now, allow me to continue. The average human being things their hot shit. The best person to ever be a person. They think they know everything, until life itself walks through the door, bends them over the table, and shows them exactly what’s going to happen.

Sometimes that happens at an earlier age, sometimes it happens later, and sometimes it never happens because that particular person has something called money

Anyway, imagine the job of a teacher.

Not only do they need to be able to communicate to a group of people for their entire lives, while working on salary that’s little better than the average government employee, but they have to communicate with immature versions of the average human being. That feeling of knowing better than everyone else? That’s exponentially intensified. The feeling of invincibility and not being able to do wrong? That’s basically what a teenager is. And, of course, the teacher reached this point by studying hard, preparing, and ensuring that they can answer every question regarding the subject matter.

They have to turn the average adolescent child into a functional adult in their field of expertise, whilst not being appreciated, because they’re simply seen as a hassle.

Then, there’s the actual idiots who they need to help, too.

Teachers deserve nothing more than love and adoration from the masses. Statues of teachers need to be at every corner. Individuals who created ingenious new curriculums that can prop up the idiots of humanity should have books written about them. Those who cannot do must be taught, and they need to be taught by their teachers, who condense humongous amounts of information for the individual into a simple series of classes. Without a doubt, every teacher should be venerated and appreciated for their work.

And, I’m not just saying this because I’m a teacher myself.

Absolutely not.

No way.

…

I didn’t normally drink, but when I did, I had complaints that I wanted to air out to people I could trust.

That was Deimne and Landrock in this universe.

The fact that Deimne looked like Totsuka helped.

And, Landrock was better than Zaimokuza ever could be, so I would never compare him to that tub of lard.

Anyway, the number of times I’ve gone to drink, so that I could complain like a little bitch who can’t handle his own problems, once numbered below ten. Ever since Wallenstein reached her latest level, and since I had that talk with Loki, I found my sanity at risk if I didn’t go out to drink and confess at least once a month.

Why?

Because, Wallenstein was hitting that age where my opinion didn’t matter anymore!

“There, there, Hikigaya-kun kids simply grow up that’s all.” Deimne, you’re great, but you’re not Totsuka. Totsuka has this certain aura of Totsuka-ness that you simply don’t have. When I look at you, I see a slightly effeminate guy with a slim build. When I see Totsuka, I see only Totsuka, and Totsuka is amazing. I can still notice the surroundings when you’re hear. Also, knowing that you’ll someday die doesn’t fill me with the urge to kill reality itself. If you die, I’ll probably only cry at the extra work that’ll be foisted upon me upon your death. Anyway, I still appreciate the kind words. Sniff. “If you think about it, Wallenstein’s still surprisingly obedient. It’s simply that she’s being more independent nowadays.”

“Aye, Hikigaya. You’ve raised a soldier, but Wallenstein is a warrior. A grand, capable warrior who yearns for glory. Within her blood rages the desire to be acknowledged, and she is more than worthy of said acknowledgement.” See, Zaimokuza? That’s how you say things like that without sounding like a dweeb. Just build up enough muscle to outmass three grown men, a massive beard, and walk around everywhere in full armor without a drop of sweat on your brow. What? That’ll kill you? Well, if you can’t manage it, then may you die trying to achieve it. Ganbare, Zaimokuza. “She has been granted the Title of Sword Princess by the gods themselves! She strides into the Dungeon victorious, and as the youngest being ever to reach her level of fortitude and prowess! Finn’s words ring true! It would be stranger if she did not grow more ferocious!”

“Glory is stupid. Ferocity is dumb. People die when they’re killed.” I slurred most of those words and that meme out, but I spoke from my heart. It was embarrassing, but the booze lightened my tongue, and made the bartop feel very, very soft, so I didn’t particularly care. Besides, I’ve saved Deimne and Landrock’s lives enough times for me to not care what they think about I think. They owe me. If they have complaints about the way I think, they can keep their mouths shut until they save my life. “Everyone is better off killing monsters safely, quickly, and without showing off! Especially Wallenstein!”

Under normal circumstances, I would bang on the bar top a little, but the waitresses in this particular tavern were a scary bunch, and I didn’t like making the lives of those working with Adventurers on a daily basis any harder. Besides, being a good costumer tends to get me good deals every now and again, so it was more beneficial to me as a person to be nice to the people who made and served me food.  Wait, I was thinking about something else. Right, Wallenstein.

“She’s being a bitch, plain and simple!” Deimne and Landrock were shocked by my words. However, again, I didn’t care about what they thought about me. I was going to say my piece, without care for the consequences, until those consequences fell on my head! Ah, I missed my mouth. Actually, that’s fine. Beer tastes terrible. It makes no sense to drink, if one doesn’t want to get drunk. I’m already tipsy enough to say what I want, so what’s the point. “She… she wants to be famous instead of staying alive! And, that’s shitty! Down there, in the Dungeon, all that matters is staying alive and killing things before they kill you!”

So many wasted movements and flourishes in the last expedition. Even if you can alter your course in the air via your magic, you shouldn’t make yourself a target just so that you can do some shitty, flashy lancing attack. You know what works? Staying on the ground, using that same power to pierce through a monster’s skull, and throw them into other monsters. One move lets monsters way in the back throw their shit at you, while the other gives you breathing room! Guess which I taught her and what she did!? Of course, it was the move that made her look like some heroin who fell from the heavens! But, you know what? One act of heroism leads to another and you’ll be dead before you know it if you keep that shit up!

Ah, I tried to say that all aloud, but the alcohol is getting to me.

I’m sure that 60% percent of it got out, and that both my drinking companions knew what I was talking about, thought.

Still, I needed to make it clear that I wasn’t the bad guy here.

“I… I get that she wants to be famous, but she can do that by just doing what she’s always been doing. It’s not like what I taught her was shit. She got to where she was now by doing what I told her to do.” Y-yeah! I wasn’t shit. I didn’t teach her wrong. So, why did she have to go and treat everything I taught her like trash? I spent lots of time making sure that she knew what she needed to know and how she needed to act, so that she wouldn’t get hurt, and so that she’d get stronger? But, now she’s ignoring everything I say and doing her own thing, like I’m worthless. That hurt, y’know!? “She doesn’t need to do fancy, dangerous shit, y’know!? All she needs to do is keep calm, keep doing what I tell her, and she’ll be able to take on any challenge no problem!”

“That’s true. No one in the Familia will disagree with that, Hachiman.” Oi, oi, oi. Who gave you permission to call me Hachiman. I might be drunk, but I can still clearly tell that you’re you, Deimne. Wait. Maybe, if I squint. Gwueheheeh. Hiii Totsuka. NO! Bad Hachiman! That’s a lie! A lie you made yourself! Forgive me, Totsuka! Please, so many years without you has made my spirit weak! Please, grace me with the memory of your smile. Ah. Thank you, Totsuka. This false idol cannot compare to you. “But, you must remember that Wallenstein is quite young. She has yet to mature and appreciate the teachings you’ve ingrained into her. Allow her to grow, make her own mistakes, and learn, now that you’ve taught her all the safety measures you possibly can.”

“And, if you’re still worried, keep an eye on her! Make sure that whatever idiocy she does, you’re there to make sure it doesn’t get her killed or crippled! Ensure that her body and spirit are hale and hearty and she will surely be able to gain wisdom from her mistakes.” Landrock, as always, you’re the better Zaimokuza. Actually, now that I think about it, comparing you to Zaimokuza is a grave insult. Can I just call you Oji-san? You’re middle-aged, wise, and affable, correct? Surely, you’ll be able to dispense some wisdom onto the younger generation? “There’s no denying the bond between you and Wallenstein. It is an honorable bond between a teacher and student, however a teacher must allow the student to learn on their own, as Finn says.”

The advice was sound and I should’ve liked it.

I mean, technically, they were telling me that the situation wasn’t my fault in the slightest. Heck, I could tell that I was getting the whole ‘let the kid leave the nest’ speech. Really, I should be glad Wallenstein was growing up, maturing, and going out of her way to become more flashy. The more flashy she was, the less eyes there were on me, and the better I could work. Not only that, if I stop teaching her, then I could spend more time on my other projects. I could probably have a life again, now that Wallenstein’s doing her own thing, and she’ll still be there for my master plan, since she’ll never leave the Loki Familia.

However…

Yet…

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever fucking heard!” I thumped the comfy bar table for good measure. However, I was drunker than I thought, because my fist rebounded from the wood and barely shook a single glass. I probably slurred through my words again, but I didn’t care. I pointed my finger at both Deimne and Landrock, not caring that the bar was silent, and that there were dozens of eyes on me. Many were judgmental, but I didn’t give a fuck. They all thought Deimne and Landrock were right too, so their opinions mattered even less. “I told you! People die when they’re killed! Why the hell would I let Wallenstein keep doing stupid shit, especially when it’ll get her killed, just because she’ll be happy!? I don’t care if she hates me, I’m keeping  her alive even if she wants to off herself!”

Landrock and Deimne both seemed taken aback by my words.

That was good.

That mean that they could actually see reason, instead of just following along with Adventurer instincts.

Seriously, who the fuck would let anyone do anything besides the right thing in a situation where they could get killed!?

That’s stupid!

It’s so stupid that I regret coming here instead of putting Wallenstein back on the right path!

Since when did I care about what she thought about me!

She can hate me all she wants while she’s fucking alive!?

Ah, I slipped.

Huh, I never looked at the ceiling of this place before.

…

Wallenstein refused to comply and Loki decided that Wallenstein shouldn’t be punished.

I understand that my way of thinking is strange and alien within Orario. Fighting the way I fight, teaching the way I teach, and approaching every situation the way are all born of a different time and place. Lives were worth more in my previous world, while in Orario lives were spent like water in exchange for anything. Adventurers who sought out glory, instead of prioritizing their lives, were the norm.

I understood that I was the exception to the rule, and that Wallenstein wasn’t, but that didn’t mean I didn’t need to comply.

If something wrong is considered by all of society to be correct, then society is still wrong.  

And, no matter what anyone says, an individual can still change society.

Especially, if they have plenty to leverage.

Now, without a doubt, I appreciated Loki. She was a psychopath, but she was a psychopath that kept her word, protected her own, and made sure everything was going her way. As long as I stood by her side, she wasn’t someone I had to worry about. While other gods focused on shit like wine, merchandise, and other things, all she cared about was being the strongest, killing the most monsters, and not caring about those she threw down while pursuing that title. While she wouldn’t hesitate to spend the lives of her Familia, neither would she spend them without care or compassion, and she’d readily spend every Valis in the coffers to make sure every expedition was as well-prepared for every threat as possible. Frankly, I would have nothing to do with her if I wasn’t involved in Orario, but in Orario a person can’t ask for a better leader and planner. Loki is without a doubt the best boss a Familia can have in Orario.

But, the fact remained that I was an indispensable facet to her Familia, and that I needed them less than they needed me.

So, with my subordinates rebelling, upper management doing jack shit, and the fact that I had plenty of money to spare, I did what any person would do in my situation.

I tendered my designation in a letter, and escaped in the middle of the night.

Of course, I counted on the Loki Familia chasing after me.

I am one of the Familia’s top adventurers, the teacher of most of their lower levelled adventurers, and the manager of their finances. Loki isn’t the type to give in to a request unless forced to do so. Sometimes, she’ll even cut her losses. However, while she might let loose other adventurers without issue, I was a different matter. All the benefits I’ve given her, she can certainly maintain through delegation. However, what she wouldn’t be able to stand is if the benefits I’ve given her are suddenly widespread and falling into the hands of other Familias.

While I certainly can’t call on anyone in the higher ranks of the Familia to come chasing after me, since I was… me, Loki won’t stand by with me being unaffiliated with her/being affiliated with another Familia. Loki would declare a Wargame upon the first Familia I joined to get me back into her clutches… or maybe have me killed. The chances of that were small though. Not because Loki wouldn’t do it, but because I was confident I could take on most of the Loki Familia’s hardest hitters on without issue, and I wasn’t going to be doing that anyway.

Hiding, going about unnoticed, and blending into the faceless masses is a one of my 108 Hachiman Skills.

If Loki would launch people to recapture me, or start a Wargame to have me back, then the obvious solution was to not be found, so that Loki couldn’t play her hand.

If the opponent can’t make a move, due to one’s actions, then they’ve already lost.

Ergo, I win by doing practically nothing, and that was just great.

However, of course, there were unforeseen complications to my plan.

Or, rather, I underestimated how much another Familia would want my services.

Freya most of all.

Ottar, the strongest Adventurer in Orario, stood before me and all there were fifteen others of the Freya Familia present.

A single block away from the security perimeter and I get ambushed.

Quite frankly, I was almost flattered that people took all the work that I did so seriously, but I was mostly creeped out. Just how many eyes did everyone have on the Loki Familia? How many people were out there stalking me? That was creepy. Very creepy. I didn’t like it one bit. Not to mention the fact that there might be someone in the Familia who could be leaking information to the outside. That would be quite bad, especially since I planned on coming back after my demands were met.

However, that was an issue for another time.

What mattered was my current situation.

If I accepted the unstated, unsaid offer that was before me, I’ll find myself in the Freya Familia.

If I didn’t accept the offer, then I’ll be forced to join the Freya Familia by Orario’s strongest adventurer.

And, they knew this, because they hadn’t said a word.

I hated clever, strong enemies with a passion.

Mostly because I had to show off more tricks than I wanted to.

Like, for example, showing Orario what several houses filled with wood dust, all lining an escape route in an abandoned location, can do when ignited by a few barrels of shitty monster crystals.

There was shrapnel, but not enough fast or speedy enough kill an Adventurer.

There was fire, but not hot enough to kill an Adventurer.

But, Adventurers are still people, and when you blow up a whole neighborhood they tend to get distracted.

Naturally, I took that opportunity to escape.