Why I havent been posting

Im finally gathering up the courage to tell you all what has been happening, because you guys deserve to know. Im sorry its taken me till now but i will tell you why that is too in this.

Basically, for the first time in my career- im being harassed. Ive had people say the odd thing off or make tweets about me before, i all for freedom of speech so ive never made a big deal of it. Ive never put anyone on blast (especially when their following is smaller than mine). However ive never had anything as vile as this.

Someone found out one piece (a very very small piece) of information about my personal life, and has been harassing me about it. Saying very explicit things to me, about me, on every platform they can comment or message me on.

In a good way- this really highlighted to me how amazing and respectful my community is. I make explicit content, yet yall never ever make me uncomfortable or cross boundaries. I have never been harassed before!

Im learning as well that i really really dont take harassment well. I guess thats something im gonna have to learn how to deal with, being on the internet and all. Ive cried over the incredibly cruel things this individual has said- more painful due to the situation i find myself in (that i cannot and will not discuss simply because i cannot handle this person saying anything nasty about it).

I am more scared to talk about my personal life. Which i hate. I love being open with you all- you guys are the most supportive people on the planet! I genuinely just havent figured out how to not take the negativity and vile comments so personally yet. It hurts me, and they shouldnt. Im a people pleaser it might be because of that lol.

There is another thing- a more patreon related thing.

It has come to my attention that my content has been leaked.

I am dealing with really weird and complex emotions about that.

Its not about the money- i dont really care about that… it just feels so violating. In my head these were personal audios, hidden from prying eyes. As a person who isnt sexually explicit irl, the thought of the whole world hearing my explicit content against my will is just very… very… violating.

I know that this isnt a good way to feel. I know that i need to have thicker skin. I know all of this but thats just not who i am. I care deeply about things and unfortunately that includes things like this.

My personal life has not been simple either, i am heartbroken. I am trying to heal but nothing is ever simple or easy and i have found myself in a web very hard to get out of. I cannot elaborate on this and i am sorry about that.

On more bad things, my stepdads cancer surgery is tomorrow and while its most likely he will live from it- there may be irreversible damage that would cause him to never talk again.

So thats basically what has been happening in my life. I cannot stand it. I want to give you guys the world but im just not strong enough emotionally. I hate that so much. I feel a bit better now, so i am really gonna work my butt off to make sure everything is perfect for you guys. I cant express how sorry i am for everything, and how much i appreciate you guys.

Thank you, and i love yall.