Ancilla L

Writing The Rainbow: The Rejection of Yellow

In a sense, I am private about my living space. Not the whole house, just the part of it that I consider home.

Back in my parent's house, this was my bedroom. Few people entered my bedroom even then and after a certain age, I always locked the door when I was inside (call it paranoia, I sti...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: "I'm going to try to figure that out as well." (21/9/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I write with a pen. Some of...

Spit or Swallow.

She used to piss in my mouth. She told me specifically not to swallow, just kneel on the floor, tilt my head backwards, and let it fill up in my mouth. Let it flow out when my mouth fills up, trickle down my chin, let it get in my eyes and hair, drench my chest. Then she'd make me hold what was l...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: "Shoes use me and I thank them." (17/09/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I write with a pen. Some of...

Podcast E16: Stroking Furniture And Moving All The Time.

What is home when you are never in one place for too long? Why did i stroke the furniture? 

At least one of those answers is in there. 

Enjoy! 

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: "I want to stop having orgasms."

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I wr...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: "He still won't touch me." (12/09/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal ...

2021-09-12 13:15:54 +0000 UTC View Post

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: Entry 4 (11/09/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I wr...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: Entry 3 (10/09/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I wr...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: Entry 2 (9/9/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I wr...

Podcast E15: What The Hell Makes A Relationship Work?

Okay, so I imagine you're expecting an answer, let me tell you now, I don't have the right one. I have an answer that I've been thinking about because a lot of people talk to me about their relationships and all the discussion gives me questions and thoughts. This is not a solution, it's question...

Ancilla's Dirty Diary: Entry 1 (8/9/21)

Note: Welcome to my journal. This is a new segment. It's an unfiltered collection of my thoughts and relationship. It's an erotic journal so it's mostly dirty. It's more loose and unstructured than most of my writing, and much more blatant, something of an extension of my actual journal that I wr...

I Never Know What Will Happen When I Call Him Daddy.

It felt like the distance from my head all the way over to him spanned acres. I couldn't see him because I was lying on my back and I couldn't touch him because he was sitting on a stool placed between my legs. The only part of him that touched me was the tip of his thumb wh...

Bad Girls Splutter and Choke.

"Do you see that babygirl?" He asked me pointing to the screen, "Do you see?"

Of course, I could see. I could see the tall, bendy woman down on her knees. I didn't know her but I knew the cock she was wrapping her pretty pink lips around.

His cock.

Daddy's big beautiful co...

Podcast E14: Sex Parties and New Normals

Hello! 

For an episode about kinky sex parties this one gets really political. Regardless, it does address the issues and mindset of fulfilling your wildest sexual fantasies, and how eventually you start to take it for granted. 

But I wouldn't be myself if I didn't share 12-...

Podcast E13: The Death of Love.

Hello! 

This one is a little sad, though I did my best to make some inappropriate jokes. What happens when love dies? Do you feel it? Is it instant? How does it happen? 

You aren't about to find out, just listen to a lot of questions and feelings I have about it. 

My Sexuality Is Not My Personality.

There are a lot of things I do that seem like they are part of the stereotype and social role of being a woman. There are a lot of things I do that seem like adherence to the domestic responsibility that is disproportionately placed on women. I wash my husband's clothes. I m...

Writing The Rainbow: The Memories of Orange.

I could not have been older than five. I was sailing with my father and the moment we stepped out onto the deck that evening I noticed, the orange sky.

It may have been my first orange sky.

I was a kid and in kid world roses are red and skies are blue....

Podcast E12: The Dirty, Sick Pleasure of Feeling Sorry.

Hello! 

This week's podcast is strongly personal and weirdly sexual.  I discuss how I discovered that feeling sorry makes me feel aroused and how that can go horribly wrong, and wonderfully right. 

Enjoy! 

(Also answer my one question from the podcast. The on...

Writing The Rainbow: The Senses of Red.

I wouldn't wear red lipstick for the longest time. Oh I bought one every year since I was 16 and there was nothing concrete stopping me from from wearing it. Yet I was reluctant to even rub it onto my lips in the darkness of night when there was no one around to witness my audacity. I had no idea...

Still Made Of Dirt.

"Would you like a drink while you wait?" She asked, appearing out of nowhere. 

I looked up expecting to see a young woman with a bright smile and a little yellow pencil.  Instead, there she was, in her pretty green dress; her eyebrows shaped in a way that made her look ...

Podcast E11: When You're More Sexually Experienced Than Your Partner.

Hello! 

In this episode I talk about the situation where you're more sexually experienced than your partner. More specifically, when a woman is more sexually experienced than a man in a heterosexual relationship. There is some unfair social context here and some personal context that i...

The Girl In The White Box.

She came in a big white box I wasn't allowed to touch. He put it on the dining table and went out for a run. The cats wandered over to it almost immediately. Sniffing and prodding. They seemed suspicious of the contents at first, swiping at the cardboard and jumping back as if they expected somet...

13 Men Who Bought Me: C3: The One Who Bought What He Already Owned.

Note: This is a series. The prologue can be found here and the catalogue of all the posts is here...

Bitch.

"If you're going to act like a bitch, I'm going to treat you like a bitch," he said clasping the choke chain around my collar.

I am bitchy, I suppose. Most of the time I'm just snarky and mean for fun but sometimes I pick the wrong moment. The wrong person. In my defense, it's second natu...

Podcast E10: Youth and The Death of An Old Man

Hello everyone! 

This week I talk about a sad but profound moment with an old man who died later in the week and the social, sexual and professional disadvantage of being judged for being young. 

Enjoy. 

Thanks for listening! 

Why do so many relationships seem scary?

Every once in a while I will come across a relationship that scares me. I don't mean to say that the relationship seems dysfunctional or that it even seems unhappy, I just find it hard to picture myself in their relationship without hurting my own feelings. Sometimes it can be a very small-seemin...

Fly On The Wall.

She's pretty, but not in a way that would make people uncomfortable; her appearance isn't so dazzling that it makes her unapproachable. Or maybe I just desperately want to believe that because I can't stop comparing myself to her. She is prettier than me, I think, yet I don't want her to be the m...

Podcast E9: When You Fall In Love With Your Best Friend.

Hello! 

Glad to see you're all still here and eternally moved by your constant support and encouragement. 

This week I talk about something relatable — falling in love with a close friend — and how that can sometimes have a totally unrelatable ending. We expect that situ...

Playing Fantasy In A Faraway Land.

I drink beer only when I am in that town, I have this irrational belief that beer loses half of its calories if there is an ocean in the vicinity. Plus I really like their beer, I haven't had beer like that anywhere in the whole world. I can't get enough of it. By the third time that I visited, t...