[at a scottish castle]
JK Rowling: finally! the frivolouss lawssuit i funded has finally sstripped transs women of all rightss
Rowling: this callss for a celebration
Rowling: [puts on record]
Record: ceeeelebrate good times 🎶
Rowling: i will
Rowling: finally i've achieved ...
2025-04-21 18:17:48 +0000 UTC View PostKing: hey clive i read online that you were pro trans rights
Clive Barker: what an odd thing to say
Barker: why ever would you feel the need to remark on that
Barker: when it's the obvious opinion held by all right-thinking people
Barker: but yes
Clive Barker: ya know,...
Kit Power: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the song that makes you tell the truth
Power: so there's this song
Power: if you hear it, you have to always tell the truth
Power: OR DIE
Power: after hearing this song, you always have to tell t...
2025-04-16 16:00:19 +0000 UTC View PostDrew Huff: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the divine flesh
Huff: ok so imagine that there's this lovecraftian abomination cosmic horror elder god
Huff: but she's also a total thot
Huff: this woman has a Lovecraftian god in her body
Huff:...
Poe: so things are
Poe: things are pretty crazy these days
Poe: so crazy it's hard to even see the point in getting together with some friends
Poe: around the campfire
Poe: to talk and tell stories and forget the world a bit
Poe: yeah it sure is
Poe: but maybe-
King: hey d...
[at the White House]
Donald Trump: so as i was saying we're putting tariffs on the moon
Trump: i know people like the moon
Trump: it's a beautiful moon
Trump: but it's not pulling its weight
Trump: it's gotta go
Trump: some people on the radical left are saying
Trump: the ...
Margery Lawrence: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of how Pan came to little ingleton
Lawrence: ok so picture this
Lawrence: there's this minister who hates fun
King: what, all kinds of fun?
Lawrence: all kinds
Lawrence: he's a real stick...
[scottish castle]
JK Rowling: [in a darkened room, staring into the dying embers in her fireplace] ssso
Rowling: finally it comess to thisss
Rowling: julia donaldssson
Rowling: it wasss alwaysss going to be julia donaldssson
Rowling: how isss it that her power hass sssurpass...
2025-04-07 20:07:26 +0000 UTC View Post[at a scottish castle]
JK Rowling's agent: hey jk i uh have some news
Rowling: ahhh cynthia!
Rowling: its been a really long time sssince we did a bit with you
Rowling: bringing back the classssicsss i sssee
JK Rowling: itsss jusst another fine day of being the mossst belove...
2025-04-03 18:33:13 +0000 UTC View PostKing: Submitted for the
King:
King: sorry i was expecting to be interrupted
Poe: by elon?
King: yeah by elon
King: that's weird, he hasn't tried to be my friend for over 2 hours now
King: i hope...
King: no sorry hope's not the right word
King: i wonder if he's ok<...
It's happening! Moonflow is coming! In case you're unaware (and how could you be? I feel like I've been yammering about this way too much), my trans splatterpunk psychedeli...
2025-04-01 23:56:03 +0000 UTC View PostChloe Johnson: open wide, horror fans
Johnson: cuz here's a new sheriff in town
Johnson:you've heard of hopepunk
Johnson: you've heard of sweetweird
Johnon: you've heard of noblebright and squeecore and nicewave
Johnson: well get read for the hot new horror microgenre that's blowin...
Silvia Moreno-Garcia: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the velvet night
Moreno-Garcia: i mean the night that is velvet
Moreno-Garcia: the night that was velvet
Moreno-Garcia: i mean velvet was the night
Moreno-Garcia: yeah that sounds good
Stephen King: Submitted for the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy itsa me, elon!
Musk: and ima not here to be your friend Stephano king
Musk: ima here inna my official capacity asa da wallet inspector!
King: elon, i'm not just going to give you my wallet
Musk: eyyyy whatsam...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: did you all see my tweet?
Allison Bailey:
Helen Joyce:
Kathleen Stock:
Rowling: i am sstill tweeting my the way
Rowling: don't think you can sstop paying attention
Rowling: i really don't underssta...
2025-03-19 16:00:19 +0000 UTC View PostElon Musk: eyyy stephano king
Musk: we besta friends ey?
Stephen King: goshdarn it elon leave me alone!
Musk: eyyy i aska da grok to draw a picture of us together
King:
King: maybe i'm looking at this all wrong
King: i mean we're all story tellers, right?
King: maybe we co...
King: well, things are pretty bad these days
King: but if there's one up side
King: it's that elon's really too busy to
Elon Musk: [rising up out of bushes] eyyyy stephano king!
King: goshdarnit why won't elon just leave me alone?
King: oh no
Barker: HA HA HA
King: stop la...
Grant Allen: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of Pallinghurst Barrow
Allen: it's about a scientist who's going to a scientist convention
Allen: to talk to scientists about science
Allen: as you do
Allen: of course, this scientist
Allen: he...
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have big newssss
King: oh no
Rowling: it'sss about harry potter!
King: oh!
King: i didn't expect that
King: well that sounds just fine then!
Poe: careful steve
Poe: she's tricked you before
King: now come on edgar
King: harry ...
Stephen King: hey guys guess what?
King: maurice sendak and me are teaming up to tell a bold, original new story!
Poe: oh yeah? what's that?
King: hansel and gretel
Poe:
King: i was just fascinated by Maurice's illustrations for hansel and gretel
Maurice Sendak: and i'm fasci...
Lovecraft: hey everyone i've got exciting news!
Lovecraft: i'm gonna be collaborating on a story with harry houdini!
King: harry houdini the famous magician and escape artist?
Lovecraft: yes!
Lovecraft: yes that harry houdini!
Lovecraft: and i know what you're all thinking <...
2025-03-04 17:52:36 +0000 UTC View PostBobcat Goldthwait: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of Willow Creek
Stephen King: great! I could do with a laugh!
Goldthwait: it's not funny
King: ha ha! I'm laughing already!
Goldthwait: it's not a comedy!!
Goldthwait: this isn't a co...
2025-03-03 18:19:13 +0000 UTC View PostEM Forster: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the machine stopping
Forster: imagine, if you can, a future where everyone just posts online all the time while the world crumbles around them
King: wow, chillingly prescient
King: i don't think i ...
[at unicorn fuck club]
JRR Tolkien: ugh everyday the news is worse and worse!
Tolkien: it seems that certain hunnish practices have taken root in America
CS Lewis: oh that sounds bad
Tolkien: quite!
CS Lewis: look i know times are bad jrrt
Lewis: maybe this will cheer you up<...
Poe: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the descent into the maelstrom
Poe: it's about a guy who survives a descent into the maelstrom
Barker: why'd you just give away the ending?
Poe:
Poe: look, you already know that he survived the maelstrom because t...
2025-02-19 17:00:20 +0000 UTC View PostJK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: exciting newsss out of America these daysss!
Rowling: we're banning transs women from ssport because of their innate biological advantage
Rowling: we're also banning ciss women from ssport because really we should all be back in the kitchen
Rowling:...
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there's a new harry potter sseriesss coming out!
Rowling: you all ssstill love harry potter, don't you?
Rowling: i hope you're all ready for the gloriousss new age of harry potter
Rowling: now that the falssse ...
[at unicorn fuck club]
GRR Martin: hey jrrt we just saw that peter Jackson movie
CS Lewis: yeah it was pretty good
JRR Tolkien: bleh
Tolkien: they never make the hobbits hot enough
Tolkien: there are entire shots where you can't see their feet at all
JRR Tolkien: god why can'...
2025-02-14 17:00:13 +0000 UTC View PostJRR Tolkien: submitted for the approval of unicorn fuck club, i call this the similrian
Tolkien: i know that you all had a lot of questions about middle earth after LOTR
Tolkien: so this story will answer all questions
GRR Martin: even questions about the blue wizards
Tolkien: no it d...
David A. Truesdale: hey it's me David a truesdale, editor of tangent online, fearless advocate of political INcorrectness
Lovecraft: whoa!
Truesdale: so watch out, snowflakes!
Lovecraft: wow!
Truesdale: [rips CENSORED tape from mouth] this ain't your dad's short fiction reviews!
Lo...