rudetalesofmagic

Rude TAROT of Magic: Eight of Wands

The catapult is so much larger than its missile. Yet the missile travels farther than the catapult could possible imagine. Strange...

Bears! Part 3 Bonus: Oh No! A FIASCO fell in my Honey Heist!

For a special peak behind the BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk curtain, we present Tim's instructions for Part 3, incorporating some rules from the game Fiasco by Jason Morningstar. Jeez! You let a...

Rude TAROT of Magic: Four of Wands

If an album were a religious service, then each song be a prayer. If a single were a religious service, then I would have to guess that a chord change be the prayer or something.

Rude Talks of Chatting- BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk Episode 2

SPOILERS FOR THE ACOLYTE & THE UNAIRED NEW SEASON OF ANDOR

Tim Platt and Christopher Hastings answer YOUR questions about Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk Episode 2! They talk animals, games, AND how they doin'.

Rude TAROT of Magic: The Star

The STAR of ONE franchise becomes the "special surprise guest appearance" of another. Doesn't that break your f-ing heart? I know it does mine...

Opening Monologues for BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk Parts 1 & 2

Below are the opening monologues for BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk Parts 1 & 2.

PART ONE

Thank you, Grave Freaker. 

My name is Tim Platt and I’d like to talk to you about 300.

Ah, 300. What is 300?
It’s half 600, and twice…30, I thin...

Rude TAROT of Magic: The High Priestess

Who gave the Priestess an edible!?!?! I'm joking of course. The "high" in the card means something different. I was just trying to impress you.

Rude Talks of Chatting- BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk Episode 1

Tim, Chris, and Joe talk the talk about why obelisks, why obelisks like that, why obelisk SOUND like that, and, again, why obelisks. We also talk about MORE!

Rude TAROT of Magic: Two of Coins

I had planned to excerpt lyrics from the song "Two Coins" by the band Dispatch but I thought it would ultimately be disrespectful to Joe's character work, Branson's art, Carly's taste, Chris's morals, Ali's resume, and it would actually be amazing for me, Tim.

Rude TAROT of Magic: Ace of Swords

"Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes, I'm Siskel, yes, I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch
Y...

Rude Talks of Chatting: Weird Times in Piss Harbor- When The Times Get Weird... Ep 12-

A finale lovingly discussed by Branson, Ali, Joe, and Chris. We talk fav moments, the power of the creative impulse, and, of course, Drillo, the Living Drill. The gang sings each other's praises while teasing what delights are yet to come in Rude Tales of Fricken Magic, baby!

2024-06-04 10:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post

Rude TAROT of Magic: Six of Coin

"'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all a...

COMING IN TWO WEEKS- Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk

Oh, bother! We're just two short weeks away from the next adventure in the grand Rude Tales tradition: BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk is a madcap 4-part story running in June and July from the twisted mind of Tim Platt.

Follow our bears as they journey to the ...

Rude TAROT of Magic: Two of Swords

"Joan of Arc walks into my mirror, A burning sword.

 I'd like to cry. I look into her eyes.

I see she's seen the long days and night.

'Ooh,' she says, 'The games are still the same, I see,

But they've changed the names now.

Are all Lionhearts put in parks, a...

Q&A With Jonathan Large & Kneel

You had questions! The centaur (Chris Hastings) and the statue (Ali Fisher) had answers! Find out best houseguest practices, favorite sins, how memory works and more with in this candid interview.

Announcing our Next Campaign- Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk

If you've heard today's Rude Talks you already heard this incredible news, but the day has finally come- we're excited to announce the next incredible Rude Tales Saga. Get ready for BEARS! The Blessing of the Obelisk, premiering on June 11th! This thrilling...

Rude Talks of Chatting: Weird Times in Piss Harbor Episode 11- Gloop's Soup with Zach Cherry

Teasers & Features, Revelations & Recriminations: this ep has it all!

Ali, Branson, and Joe answer YOUR questions and talk about Zach Cherry, noble sacrifice, mascots, and what is to come...bwa ha ha! 

2024-05-21 13:51:28 +0000 UTC View Post

Rude TAROT of Magic: Three of Wands

Here's a riddle to STRIKE (wands!) your FANCY (rule of THREES):

Three classmates skipped school on the same day.

The First Classmate, desirous of success, went straight to their job with hopes that their academic sacrifice would convince their boss to promote them...