372 Pages We ll Never Get Back

Zot!

Conor here! Got out of the woods after a weekend camping trip and beelined to the nearest brewery, Foley Brothers, in Brandon, VT. Foregoing the coffee, (even though it was probably more appropriate for the time of day), I just ordered beer and was moving back and forth between the brewery and th...

2 Worthy Causes

Hey Patreon supporters! First things first, we won't be recording til Monday - the breakneck pace at which Maxim and Alessia looked at each other near a piano in this section made us have to tread slowly.

More importantly, as you may or may not know, we earmark a chunk of our patreon earnin...

Conor Makes a Banoffee Pie

I will admit: while I made fun of the Banoffee Pie enjoyed by our starcrossed lovers in the last episode, I was secretly thinking "Terrible name, but that actually doesn't sound that bad." So I decided to make one and document it for you.

The verdict? It's... Kind of good. The toffee is dif...

Episode 44 - Male Tasting Fingers

This episode is nearly two hours long, despite the fact that if you cut out all the sex from these five chapters, all our characters did was buy shoes and play chess. Oh, and they saw a deer.

Anyway, there's a ton of fun details to dive into. We've got a word count guessing game, an alterna...

Meme Contest Winner(s)

Once again, we received an abundance of great memes. Our first "Wicker Man, what's in the bag" usage. A very unexpected ZOT in the King of the Hill gif. And a great Sonos ad that came in at the last minu...

Conor vs Mike in a no holds barred battle of, well, who is better at whatever the hell this is!

Conor doesn't know about this yet, but next episode I'm throwing down this challenge: who's better at imitating The Mister in whatever this is: "Maxim closes his eyes, and a low hum of appreciation rumbles in his throat."

Stay tuned for that. Then vote for me, ofte...

My Bedside Books

And, hey, if you've never read any Mencken his "autobiographies"* are cracking good stuff, a great place to start.

*It's pretty clear that aside from the broad strokes he flat out made up most of the stories of his life. Also he was almost certainly a closet racist. Still, great prose!

Episode 43 - Music for your what now?

WARNING: This section of The Mister may contain the dumbest sentence we've ever covered on this show.

Join us in pastoral Cornwall, where Maxim and the entrancing Alessia, who's beauty, we're often reminded, is very beautiful, are hiding out from Albania sex traffickers. What do they do to ...

A 100% Random You-Must-Trust-That-I-Picked-This-at-Random-From-Trucking-Through-Time Sample

"Tell me, where did you learn those moves you put on Collins?" The Captain asked. [sic!] "I haven't seen that kind of maneuvering before. He was in total shock when he finally got himself together."
"Captain, that was known as karate. It's an art known by a handful of people back in the Unite...

The Mister meme contest!

Alright, as promised, we're running a meme contest for The Mister. Hopefully we're far enough in to give you enough material to work with! Feel free to use material from this week's assignment.

We'll award a prize of $25 to the winner! So get meme-ing!

(we'll probably pick a winner ne...

Episode 42 - Not A Groin Was Stirring

In part two of our deep dive into The Mister, author EL James gives her audience exactly what they came for: Sex! Nobody actually having it, of course, but people are being trafficked for it in a cheap attempt to lend gravitas to a tawdry romance novel! We were so disgusted our groins barely stir...

I read The Mister in public (and survived)

In our last episode I challenged those of you who were not so traumatized by the damage that buying The Mister had done to your Amazon algorithm to go and read it in a public setting. I would never ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do, so I boldly ventured to my favorite coffee shop in town ...

Random Sentences from "Trucking Through Time"

"Next time partner, use one of those freezer bags and just toss it out the window. It would save you a lot of trouble." Chad said laughing at him.

"Now, you tell me. I forgot we had them. Thanks a lot."

"Anything for my pal, but if you have to take a crap, I don't know what to tell yo...

Housecoat anyone?

As promised, here is the picture of the Nylon Housecoat that I surprised Mike with at the end of the last episode. I think we're all thinking the same thing: what if this is also the same guy inside the rubber cow suit?

Anyway, I'm placing an order, how many can I put you down for?

-C...

Episode 41 - Handsome Buttocks

Who's ready to get British and horny?? This is our first episode devoted to The Mister by EL James, and it's obviously unlike anything we've read on here before.  We'll examine the author's clever methods for padding out the book length, as well as some very surprising similarities to the wo...

Line...?

Did anyone else have Twilight flashbacks every damn time our two leads start "interacting" with each other?

Episode 40 - Book Number Seven

Time to start our seventh book together! This one promises to be quite the journey. Don't want to ruin this surprise, so get listening!

Episode 39 - Broken Camera Blues

We are back after a week in Nashville! While we were there, we figured that we would take advantage of the opportunity to record face to face. So we recorded a dynamic, hilarious, touching video rattling off some potential Next Book candidates (it was well shot too.) Unfortunately, Mike had a che...

Bob Honey "winners"

Congrats to the two winners of our copies of Bob Honey!  Please email 372pages@gmail.com with your contact info and we will send them out to you.

Win our copies of Bob Honey!

We're done with Bob Honey and the titular stuff he just does. Now's your chance to win these one of a kind editions that we've scrawled illegible notes in and signed (along with the author himself, in Conor's edition!) No word on whether Pappy Pariah is available for signings as well.

To en...

Episode 38 - 160 Pages We'll Never Get Back

Thank god this book was not 372 pages long. Neither of us could have handled that.  Bob Honey was fortunately only 160, and even so, managed to have three different characters crap their pants, two of them in this final section. It's a fitting metaphor for something, but we'll be damned if w...

Episode 37 - I Laugh a lot When I Write

Our favorite unreliable narrator who is also a toilet salesman/mallet assassin is back to bring his book into the homestretch! We've got brand new onomatopoeias, lipstick smeared on teeth, and of course, boatloads of alliteration. There's also a literal boat, which our hero uses to abandon Hurric...

Conor's Poem

Hey Patreon, we're not recording again until Monday, but since I've been comparing Bob Honey to the terrible poem I wrote and performed recently, I decided to share it with everyone. May it enhance or ruin your weekend accordingly. If it inspires any more terrible poetry, please share!

-Con...

Meme contest winner(s)!

Truly excellent work on the Bob Honey memes everyone! Take a Maraschino Cherry out of petty cash. It was hard to pick just one winner, the payoff on the 2019-03-27 13:32:39 +0000 UTC View Post

Episode 36 - We're Baffled By The Cherry Water

The enigma that is Bob Honey continues to baffle and frustrate us. From offering guests a drink that no human has ever consumed (and they accept??), to possessing a secret preternatural scuba diving activity, to being unable to comprehend basic figures of speech. Oh, and he's a literal superhero ...

Bob Honey meme contest

As we approach the halfway mark of the book, we figured we should do another meme contest. Same rules as before! Submit as many as you like, our favorite gets $25!

Special consideration may be given to memes mashing up content from previous books. Simpsons and Far Side references appreciate...

Create your own Sean Penn character

As mentioned in the latest podcast, Conor created a game to help you construct your own Sean Penn protagonist. Here's your own chance to play! If you write any adventures with your character, send them our way or post them in the comments!

Episode 35 - Uh... OK?

Sean Penn certainly has written a collective of words arranged into sentences! There's a lot to discuss in our first episode diving into Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. There's the mysterious backstory Penn created for the book, the maddening alliteration, and the book's strange ability to make you ...

Daylight S**** Time!

Conor and I have been friends and colleagues now for longer than I think he would care to remember and I'm nearly positive that one of my many, many eccentricities that he pretends to put up with is my annoyance with Daylight Saving Time. (If you say "Daylight Savings Time" and someone c...

Important update

Conor here, I am pleased to report that immediately following Mike and I recording yesterday, I opened my front door and TWO packages had arrived. One, obviously contained the book Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff, which I ordered in Used - Very Good condition. What I was not expecting was for it to b...