the best shoot i've ever done thus far coming soon ♡ + live stream this week + rant

This iphone photo doesn't compete with the professional high quality photos that are coming this month to my patreon 🔥🔥 this shoot took 3 hours to prepare with my hair and make-up artist, body paint, props, and accessories, PLUS another 2 hours to shoot. so around 5+ hours of work to make this magic happen for y'all :') i am waaay beyond proud of the final product and i'm so excited to share this exclusive art with you!!

who's down for a live stream this week? would y'all be free to hang out with me friday?! around 1pm PST??

thank you for sticking with me this month. 

if it's ok, i would like to rant about something personal to me.. to be completely honest, i haven't had the easiest time with creating lately. that's why I wanted to go all out and put in extra effort for this shoot because i wanted to prove to myself i still got it!! i'm not gonna lie, i've been having a hard time with myself. i've been asked questions about my acting and i know i haven't talked a lot about it lately. i haven't posted any of my acting auditions lately either.. it's an extremely difficult industry and i've been doing my best work yet and coming SO close to roles. at this moment, i'm in the running for the lead role in a really cool indie film i'm passionate about. i've been producing work i'm so proud of , and i get so close to the final few for the role that the directors and producers are discussing, then i get the news that the role didn't go my way. that's happened to me so many times in my career and it's disappointing, but every "no" gets me closer to the one "yes" that will change my life. sometimes it's hard to get in a healthy mentality. there are times where i feel like i'm completely lost. i get negative with myself and tell myself how stupid and talentless i am. being in therapy is so helpful at this time.. i am so thankful for my representation team and manager who constantly validate my abilities and talent. they continue to believe in me no matter what. they believe in me more than i believe in myself lately. i want to find healthier ways to cope with the industry. so i've been taking extra time offline lately. being on social media tends me to make me more depressed and feeling not good enough. in conclusion, i've been very disappointed in myself this year and it's caused me to be less creative and active online.. but i never forget about my special patrons. i am constantly thinking about you and what i can do to express my fullest creativity with you. this shoot coming up is made so special and with alot of love for you xoxo

thank you to those who listen to my words and engage back with me. thank you to those who don't put expectations on me. it's hard being an artist when there's so much professional pressure in real life. i am so blown away with my community's kindness. i love interacting with real genuine humans who support me and not just see me as a piece of meat. you see me as a real human, an artist, a person with a soul. you are the ones i am truly here for.. i don't care if people come and go, i know who the real supporters are here and you have my entire heart. i love you.