On leather fetish and being seen

A few months ago Fleet Ilya,  London-based leather brand working between fashion and fetish, asked me to collaborate with them on some writing. They also asked me to shoot with an incredible artist Ekaterina Bazhenova-Yamasaki wearing pieces from their new season (leather in lilac, who could have thought it would look so good wow). So I wrote the first in the upcoming series of pieces on my leather fetish, the pleasure of being photographed and the power of showing up as you are. Thank you for your support as always <3 

Today, a considerable part of our life is about being seen a certain way. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we have a physical body. Sometimes it’s easy to forget our authentic relationship to ourselves. For me, wearing leather is returning to being fully present, an act of self-love and pleasure. That’s why it was a joy to have it documented by Ekaterina Bazhenova-Yamasaki.

I have had a strange interest in being photographed (and especially being photographed with little clothes on) from a very young age. I’ve always had a complex relationship with my body: I have suffered from body dysmorphia, various eating disorders and general discontent in being in my skin for years. Growing up, I haven’t seen many women who looked like me in media or fashion – it was all about fitting into a very restrictive definition of perfection. I was often shy to look at myself in the mirror closely enough – but paradoxically very keen to take off my clothes in front of the camera. In that moment it felt like my body was finally acknowledged, worthy of attention. It felt like being seen.

I am lucky to have been photographed by Ekaterina a few times. And that’s exactly how I would describe the experience – being seen. The process is just as important as the result: at some point in the course of that hour, my body turns from a surface which other people project things on – into my own experience, physical and mental. I feel like a liberated being with my own desires, my own ideas of beauty and self. I can just let go and be in my body.

Ekaterina is an artist working across different media, but her photography often focuses on the body as “a porous vessel for empathy and emotions”, as much as the notions of fetish, eroticism and self-determination in the expression of our sensual selves.  Her upcoming book “Atom”, produced for Fleet Ilya, dives deep into all these topics. It’s a perspective which is crucial in times when the body, and especially the female body, is either censored or commodified. It’s about the empowering possibility of being sexual, owning your erotic energy, finding the embodied experience of joy.

Leather is a big part of my sexual identity. I am open about practicing BDSM and kink, and having a long-standing interest (personal and cultural) in fetish. Years ago, seeing Fleet Ilya pieces was part of my kink-awakening – and I’m sure a lot of people in the community would relate. I remember being mesmerised by collars and harnesses, the look, the smell, the texture – long before I knew that these were supposed to be the uniform of the BDSM community. I still believe that there is more to leather than just subculture – ultimately it’s all about your own visceral response to a beautiful object, it’s history and potential.

A quality leather piece is a multidimensional sensory experience. The smooth texture, the firm but comforting grip, the click of quality metal hardware, the cool touch of chains, the unique rich leather scent. It evokes a response in your subconscious – it might bring up the parts of yourself you never knew were there. Leather is honest. It’s pure energy: from the moment it’s designed and intricately crafted to every subsequent day of being worn. It’s something you can’t really fake – it echoes at the very core of your body and your being.

The original story could be found here.