It's Me, Dio! - Chapter 54

Chapter 54

23th of December

Bran, Transylvania

Dionysos, Alex, Diogenes, and William the vampire stepped into the small Romanian tavern, their entrance met with a palpable wave of suspicion. The tavern was dimly lit, casting an eerie glow over the ancient wooden walls adorned with dusty tapestries that seemed to shift in the flickering candlelight. The air was thick with the scent of old wood, stale beer, and a hint of something unidentifiable but decidedly unpleasant.

As they walked in, the patrons turned to look at them with wary eyes. These were people who had seen hard times, their faces lined with the burdens of a rough life. Their clothes were worn and patched, their eyes dark with mistrust. They huddled in small groups, speaking in hushed tones, their gazes following the newcomers with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion.

Diogenes, always the opportunist, mumbled something about needing to visit the toilets and disappeared towards the back of the tavern. Dionysos knew better; Diogenes was likely on the lookout for any valuable copper he could filch.

Dionysos approached the bar, his flamboyant demeanor slightly tempered by the somber atmosphere. He ordered three beers and a glass of milk for William, the young vampire whose pale skin and sharp fangs made him stand out even more in the gloomy light. The matron, a plump woman in her fifties dressed in traditional, almost medieval garb, came to serve them. Her attire was elaborate, with intricate embroidery on her bodice, and her ample bosom was prominently displayed, straining against the fabric.

"Three beers and a glass of milk," she repeated, her tone devoid of warmth. She placed the drinks on the table with a practiced efficiency, her eyes avoiding direct contact.

Dionysos, never one to miss an opportunity to charm, wiggled his eyebrows playfully. "Thank you, my dear. Quite a cozy place you have here," he said, his voice dripping with charisma. The matron remained impassive, her expression unchanged. Huh. Strange. She's not receptive, Dionysos thought.

Leaning in slightly, Dionysos lowered his voice. "What's going on here? Why is everyone so...depressed?"

The matron's lips pressed into a thin line, and she turned to leave without a word. Dionysos, undeterred, reached into his pocket and pulled out a crisp banknote. He placed it on the table, sliding it toward her with a knowing look.

Instantly, her demeanor changed. She glanced around furtively before sitting down at their table, her face breaking into a warm, albeit strained, smile. "Well, now, what can I help you with, gentlemen?" she asked, her tone suddenly friendly and accommodating.

Dionysos leaned back in his chair, a triumphant grin on his face. "Why the long faces in this fine establishment? We're travelers, looking for a bit of cheer and adventure. Seems like we walked into a funeral."

The matron's eyes darkened as she began to speak, her voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper. "This town, it has a dark history. About three hundred years ago, we received a visit from some mysterious travelers. Strange folks they were, with an air of danger about them. They brought with them a curse that has haunted us ever since."

Dionysos leaned in, intrigued. "Mysterious travelers, you say? Do tell."

She nodded solemnly. "They were unlike anyone we'd ever seen. Pale, with eyes that seemed to pierce through your soul. They arrived quietly, staying in the shadows, but their presence was felt by all. At first, they were polite, even charming. But then, things started to change. People began to disappear, livestock found drained of blood..."

"Uh, vampires, you mean?" Dionysos interjected, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

A sudden silence fell over the room. The patrons, who had been murmuring amongst themselves, now stared at Dionysos with wide eyes. The matron's face flushed with anger, her hands balling into fists.

"No!" she snapped, her voice rising, her breasts trembling as she hit the table. "Vampires are perfectly good folks, polite and all—well, they sometimes nibble on someone, but who doesn't? No, the true horror are the vampire hunters! Fucking arrogant guys who think themselves better than good ol' folk, assholes that don't pay their drink and meat because they think they’re doing the town a service! They create brawls all the time and destroy property!"

All the patrons nodded in agreement, their expressions turning sour at the mention of vampire hunters. Dionysos raised an eyebrow, surprised by the vehement response.

"Vampire hunters, you say?" he repeated, trying to keep a straight face. "Sounds like a real nuisance."

The matron leaned in, her voice dropping to a whisper again. "They are the real troublemakers. They come here, swaggering around with their holy water, penises and stakes, causing chaos. They don’t respect our way of life. They think they can just waltz in and do as they please."

Alex, who had been quietly sipping his beer, finally spoke up. "So, let me get this straight. The vampires are fine, but the hunters are the problem?"

William, having finished his glass of milk, wiped his mouth and looked up at Dionysos with bright eyes. "I've finished my milk!" he announced, a satisfied smile on his face.

Dionysos ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. "Good job, little one. Now, let's get ready to visit Dracula's castle and return you to your family."

The matron's eyes widened at the mention of Dracula's castle. "You... you know where to find it?" she asked, her voice a mix of awe and fear.

Dionysos winked. "Oh, we've got a pretty good idea. Besides, it's not like we can miss the giant spooky castle on the hill, right?"

The matron shook her head in disbelief but said nothing more. Dionysos turned to his companions, his grin widening. "Alright, team, time to pay a visit to the most famous vampire of them all. Let’s give this little angel a proper homecoming."

Alex stood up, stretching his arms. "About time we got some real action," he said, his voice tinged with excitement.

Diogenes, reappearing from his ‘scouting mission’ with a piece of copper wire sticking out of his pocket, nodded. "I've always wanted to see Dracula’s digs. Think he’s got any nice antiques?"

"Focus, Diogenes," Dionysos said, shaking his head in amusement. "We’re on a mission, remember?"

"We are?", he asked in surprise.

— — — — —

23th of December

Bran, Transylvania

The night was dark and moonless as Dionysos, Alexandre the Great, Diogenes, and young William ventured deeper into the Romanian forest. Shadows loomed large, and the air was thick with the scent of decay and damp earth. Twisted trees with gnarled branches seemed to reach out toward them, their bark resembling tortured faces frozen in silent screams. The ground beneath their feet squelched ominously, and distant howls echoed through the stillness, sending shivers down their spines.

Despite the unsettling atmosphere, the group's conversation remained light and humorous. Diogenes, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, began to regale Alex with tales of his philosophical exploits.

"You know, Alex, there was this one time I took a lantern in broad daylight and walked through Athens," Diogenes said, his voice cutting through the eerie silence. "When people asked me what I was doing, I told them I was looking for an honest man!"

Alex laughed, his eyes wide with amusement. "Did you find one?"

Diogenes shook his head, a mock expression of disappointment on his face. "Not a single one. But it did give me quite a reputation."

The path grew narrower and more treacherous as they continued, the forest closing in around them. Strange, bioluminescent fungi glowed with an eerie green light, casting ghostly shadows on the ground. From the corner of his eye, Dionysos spotted a figure standing still among the trees, only to realize it was a scarecrow-like effigy, its head a hollowed-out pumpkin with an unsettling grin.

William yawned, looking more bored than fearful. "Are we almost there?" he asked, his voice monotonous.

"Almost, little one," Dionysos replied, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Just a bit further."

As they broke through the last line of trees, they found themselves standing before the massive gates of Dracula's castle. The iron bars were twisted into grotesque shapes, with bat-winged gargoyles perched menacingly atop the posts. The gates creaked open slowly, as if beckoning them inside.

"So, Diogenes," Alex said, his tone deliberately casual to mask his nerves. "Did you really live in a barrel?"

Diogenes snorted. "Barrels weren’t invented until the fifteenth century, my dear boy. I lived in a big ass amphora. Much more spacious. And it had great acoustics for yelling at people."

They stepped through the gates and into the castle's park. The path was lined with roses, their petals a deep, blood-red. As they drew closer, the roses writhed, their stems covered in thorns and tiny eyes that blinked and watched their every move. An eerie, whispering wind rustled through the garden, carrying faint, disembodied voices that seemed to speak in forgotten tongues.

Alex tried to focus on Diogenes's story, his eyes darting nervously to the roses. "And what did you eat?"

"Whatever I could find or beg for," Diogenes said with a grin. "Once, Alexander the Great himself offered me anything I wished for. Do you know what I asked him?"

"You know I am Alexander the Great, right?" Alex asked, intrigued despite the chilling surroundings.

"I asked him to move out of my sunlight," Diogenes replied, laughing heartily. "He was blocking it, you see…Wait, what ? You are ? I thought you were just another stalker that looked exactly the same and had the same name…"

A sudden rustling in the bushes made William jump, his grip tightening on Dionysos's hand. From the darkness emerged a creature with glowing red eyes and a skeletal frame, its bones clicking with each movement. It sniffed the air before retreating into the shadows, leaving an eerie silence in its wake. They passed a fountain, its water black and bubbling ominously. The statue at its center depicted a weeping angel, its eyes hollow and empty. The water seemed to whisper secrets.

"You know," Diogenes said, his voice cutting through the gloom, "living simply means you're always prepared for the unexpected. Like this little adventure of ours. Or fucking a sheep in the ass. Or even better ! A donkey!"

"Fucking a sheep…" repeated Alex, as he was writing everything the philosopher said in a little notebook.

Finally, they stood before the grand entrance of the castle. The doors, made of ancient wood and reinforced with iron, loomed before them. Gargoyle knockers stared down, their eyes seeming to follow their every move.

"Ready, everyone?" Dionysos asked, his voice echoing in the silence.

"…in the ass", Alex finished writing.

Dionysos stepped forward and knocked on the door, infusing a bit of his natural presence into the action to flex his metaphorical muscles. The sound reverberated through the eerie silence, and the door creaked open ominously.

"Ma che! Benvenuto!" a voice exclaimed, filled with exaggerated enthusiasm.

Standing in the doorway was an impeccably elegant and handsome vampire. His aristocratic features were framed by dark, slicked-back hair, and he wore a tailored suit that was clearly an attempt at Italian fashion, though it missed the mark. The ensemble was adorned with unnecessary frills and patterns, making it look more like a costume than genuine attire.

Diogenes snorted so loudly he almost passed out from lack of oxygen. "Why is the vampire doing a very bad impression of an Italian?" he muttered to Alex, who was struggling to keep a straight face.

The vampire, oblivious to the mockery, continued with a flourish. "I am King Vlad Tepes, at your service," he declared in a heavy, obviously fake Italian accent. His voice was a theatrical ugly mix  of dramatic tones and rolled r's.

"Oh, William!" Vlad's demeanor softened as he spotted the young vampire. He opened his arms wide, and William ran into them, wrapping his arms around his father. "My son, my precious boy," Vlad said, hugging William tightly.

After a long embrace, Vlad turned his attention to the rest of the group. His face, already dramatic, became even more expressive as tears welled up in his eyes. "Thank you, thank you so much for bringing my son back to me!" he exclaimed, his voice quivering with emotion.

Without warning, he pulled Dionysos into a bear hug, practically lifting him off the ground. "You are a hero!" Vlad declared, tears streaming down his face. "A true hero!"

Next, he enveloped Alex in an extravagant embrace, crying profusely. "I cannot thank you enough!" Vlad sobbed, his hands wandering a bit too low and giving Alex a firm grope on the ass. Alex's eyes widened in surprise, but he managed an awkward smile, patting Vlad's back.

"Uh, happy to help," Alex said, his voice strained.

Vlad moved on to Diogenes, who barely had time to react before being swept into a tearful hug. "Bless you, noble philosopher!" Vlad cried, nearly squeezing the breath out of Diogenes.

Finally, Vlad turned to William again, lifting him off the ground and spinning him around in joy. "My son, my dear son!"

Setting William down, Vlad clapped his hands together, his earlier tears forgotten. "This calls for a celebration! We must party! Come, my friends, you are all my honored guests tonight!"

Wiliam looked a bit lost - why was the Vampire Count thinking he was his son ? William was Vlad's twice removed grand uncle - and William was the Vampire King.

[Dracul "William" von Carstein]

Vampire Progenitor

Lvl 1 362