Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 49 -Reflection

Hooooo boy, this chapter was insane. SO much stuff happened, SO many plot points coalesced, and we finally get some answers about a certain story arc that I think a few of you have been starting to notice. A bit. It's a pretty niche theory, to be honest. Still, there's a lot to get through, and I have a feeling this is going to a very lengthy Reflection.

So let's start at the beginning, shall we?

This is the second time I've started a chapter by stepping backwards in time slightly, and with a quote from Amara no less, but I think it works. I need to establish a sense of time, and that's a good way to go about it.

With Amara now gone, and Vee chasing her, we're left alone with Tessa, Nick, Chloé and Palesa, but thankfully they're soon joined by Elizabeth. This was a scene I honestly had a really good time with, as I'm really happy with the dynamic of the two Coven Heads. I love the brief flashes we've gotten of their relationship, and how they're trying to keep it a secret, and I think it gives them a really interesting dynamic within the coven.

One thing I wanted to stress was that the coven is not a monolithic structure. It's got a bunch of different people, all with their own agendas and desires, and those agendas frequently butt heads. We needed to see how Davenport controlled everyone, and also understand the limitations of the structure everyone else lives in.

As Elizabeth pointed out in the last chapter, they don't have the privilege of smashing everything to pieces to build their perfect coven. They need to operate within existing power structures, things that exist to keep them safe, and that often means making sacrifices.

It was a pleasant surprise that Elizabeth got to lay this all out for Amara last chapter, and I think it makes her relationship with Palesa a bit more interesting. She insists that, even though Davenport was cruel, she was doing everything in her power to protect Tessa. Therefore, it's easy to extrapolate that logic out, and look at her relationship with Palesa as another thing that she's attempting to make work in a system that, for some reason, doesn't want it to exist.

In my head, Elizabeth is a pretty passive character. She can kick ass when needed, but she's always going to choose the option that causes the least friction if she can. We see this with her reluctance to stand up to Davenport once she learns that Amara was telling the truth about the siphons.

It also gives us more insight into Palesa, a character I've envisioned as somewhat ambivalent to the existing power structure. She lives within it, and won't upset it if she doesn't need to, but she's the one that has to talk Elizabeth into making their stand against Davenport. She's also the one that gets between Tessa and Elizabeth when they starts arguing, which I thought was a great character moment. Again, even though we get so little time with each Coven Head, I'm really happy of these little flashes of characterization.

Speaking of characters, there's this guy called "Nick" in this scene? He's been a pretty random background character, so I can't blame y'all for forgetting about him.

Joking aside, Nick is a character that can be difficult to find a place for. He's not magical, he's not a fighter, and he's happy just sitting on the sidelines offering support however he can. Here, thankfully, I found a great opportunity for him to step up. Ever the peacemaker, he's trying to find a middle ground for everyone present, pointing out that Davenport still needs to be stopped.

After the Coven Heads agree, they also learn that Imani was lying on her reports, which adds another dimension I'm really happy with. This is just another piece of the puzzle that stresses how everyone in the Coven has conflicting agendas.

With that problem solved, and a tentative plan of action in place, it's time for Tessa and and Chloé to do some snooping.

Which, thankfully, gives them a quiet moment together, which I was thrilled with. Tessa's been making big strides with emotional availability thanks to Nick, and I love how eager she is to apologize to Chloé for her past actions. It's clear this has been weighing on her for a while, and she even mentioned earlier in the book that she didn't realize how much she liked Chloé until she was gone. I'm really happy she got a chance to apologize here.

We then get a brief moment where Chloé thinks about her powers, realizing that she was able to pull her phone into intangibility along with the rest of her. It's a shame she doesn't have a way to test this, right?

Her thoughts are tragically interrupted by none other than Coven Head Gautier. She's somehow found Tessa, and we finally get a clear picture of just how unhinged she is. We've seen hints at her cruelty before, but she's probably the least explored of all the Coven Heads. I did this on purpose, mostly because I was already putting so much effort into Bishop, Tsopnang, and Davenport, but also because I think Gautier has a pretty simple deal. She's got some unknown beef with Tessa's parents, and that seems to have carried over into how she feels about Tessa. She's clearly a bit of a sadist, and at the end of the day, I think it adds a bit more texture to show that, even amongst all these complicated relationships, even a truly terrible person like Simone was able to rise through the ranks of the coven.

I'm happy she has a chance to monologue for a bit here, as I think it's all the insight we need to really understand her. This is also a good look at her powers, and how incredibly strong she is. I very briefly hinted at her abilities earlier, but it's always nice to have two characters compare their abilities in a combat situation.

Unfortunately for Tessa, she's SO outclassed it's not even a fight. She's completely immobilized in seconds, all so that Gautier can have the pleasure of killing her herself.

Thankfully, Tessa's not alone. Chloé's been watching all of this, and she finally decides to step up and try to fight. We've never really seen this before, other than the one time she managed to stab Brandon at the end of Book Three. Of course, we all know how that turned out. This scene, along with that one from Chapter 39, exist partially to show us that Chloé really doesn't know how to fight. She's pretty weak, she doesn't know any moves, and she's only gotten good hits off when she's relied on stealth.

At first, the simple surprise of her existence is enough to distract Gautier. However, the Coven Head is quite smart, and she quickly pieces together that Chloé, however mysterious she is, can't throw a punch to save her (or Tessa's) life.

Her triumphant intervention is quickly shut down as Simone decides to simply ignore Chloé, and ideally I wanted the audience to feel similarly powerless. Yes, it's heroic that she decided to step up and try to fight, but there are still limitations to what she's capable off. Despite her best efforts, she can't physically overpower Gautier's telekinetic bolstering.

Wouldn't this be a great time for a new power to show up?

Well, obviously. I'm nothing if not a dramatic bitch, and I've been dreaming for years of Chloé shouting at Gautier in a rage before realizing that her anger fuels some kind of strange, spacial-warping force that she can project from her lungs. Did I just reinvent a banshee's shriek from first principles? Hell yeah. Chloé fucking rules.

She's able to throw Gautier aside, which gives Tessa a chance to escape, and they start running.

Gautier isn't one to quiet, however, and she launches her makeshift spear at Tessa, which gives me the chance to be horribly mean. Continuing my trend of being a dramatic bitch, I show the spear impaling Tessa, only to reveal seconds later that actually she's fine, Chloé decided to test out her phasing abilities she was thinking of earlier, and it turns out they work!

(Main Characters Impaled: 1)

Chloé fucking rules.

They escape, running upstairs, and we learn that Chloé can make other people invisible too! God she's so cool. I'm so happy Chloé is back.

She needs a nap now, sadly, so she's gonna incorporeal for a bit.

Then it's time to meet back up with Amara! I'm sure she's doing great.

If my great, I mean "horribly murderous," of course. She's been getting worse and worse with each chapter, and this is where we see her preparing to hit rock bottom. She's still blaming the coven for all of her actions, and she desperately wants nothing but Davenport's blood.

She finds the Headmistress pretty quickly, and there's no time for subtlety. The fight starts immediately, and I finally get to reveal what kind of magic Davenport has been sitting on. I wanted to give her a kind of magic that wasn't just raw force. Ideally something that stresses how she's constantly manipulating everyone around her.

I feel like magic portals is a fun ability. It makes sense thematically, as she's constantly turning everyone against each other, and her magic makes that literal. How is Amara supposed to kill Davenport when everything she tries passes harmlessly into a portal and attacks her instead?

This fight scene was tough to write. We've never seen Davenport fight, let alone use her magic, and I wanted to stress that she's an incredibly powerful witch. However, I ALSO needed to stress that, despite how powerful she is, she's no match for Amara in her current state. That's a really hard balance to strike! I think my attempt here worked, for the most part. Davenport seems to have the upper hand for the start of the fight, but Amara quickly works out patterns in her attacks.

I opted not to be super detailed with their moves, and I think that was the right call. Fight scenes are really hard to write, and the important thing to stress was how Amara inches closer to victory simply by overpowering Davenport. She's constantly attacking from multiple angles, throwing fire around, and moving faster with every strike.

She's also growing taller, has deep red skin, and has hellfire visibly bubbling just underneath her surface.

This is Amara at her absolute worst, and showing her physically transform is a very clean analogy. She's never been more inhuman, and she's doing everything in service of trying to butcher someone. She also melts a sword after it impales her, completely shrugging off the concentrated metal slag that she had inside her body for a moment. I LOVE this moment, as I think it's a perfect distillation of how warped Amara is right now. Being stabbed does nothing, having molten metal in an open wound does nothing, and she's like "Yeah, whatever, next."

(Main Characters Impaled: 2)

But, gosh, it appears someone else is closing in on the battlefield.

Jumping over to Vee, we get a pretty short scene, but one that's incredibly impactful. I hadn't always planned on making this scene a direct callback to her nightmares from the first book, but I think it works really well. Back then, the nightmares were representative of losing her campus to a demon. Now, this scene represents her fear of losing Amara.

She's no longer scared of the demon, she's scared for it.

It also gives me a great opportunity to show Amara from a more reliable point of view. Vee is able to see exactly how different Amara is, point out how incredibly fast she's moving. We see how well Vee understands Amara, as she's able to pinpoint the exact strategy Amara is using in her battle: she's just tanking the attacks without any disregard for her own safety, and using that recklessness to give herself more opportunities to attack. (Yes, I did just reinvent 5e's Reckless Attack from first principles.)

Through Vee, we're able to understand the exact stakes of the moment in a way we wouldn't had we stayed in Amara's POV. She's planning on letting Davenport stab her through the chest because it will give her the final opportunity she needs to kill the Headmistress, and that thought spurs Vee into action.

Vee manifests a burst of angelic magic, one that's weirdly potent, and knocks Amara aside to stop her from killing Davenport. Unfortunately, this also means she ends up taking the attack that was meant for Amara.

(Main Characters Impaled: 3)

This exact moment, of Vee getting stabbed, saw a huge number of tiny changes. I went back and forth on a bunch of different versions with my beta readers, and I'm incredibly happy with the version we ended up with.

One decision that haunted me for a while was how exactly Vee should get injured.

See, there's a HUGE argument that it would be more thematically resonant to have Vee knock Davenport out of the way, and have Amara's killing blow hit Vee instead. This would be a direct callback to Book One, where Amara almost kills Vee, but the context is completely reversed. Now, Amara's in complete control, and Vee threw herself in front of the attack out of love, rather than starting a fight out of hatred.

However, there are some downsides. Most noticeably, the effects this action would have on Amara. Firstly, we saw in the last chapter that accidentally hurting Vee isn't necessarily going to shake Amara from her rage. Secondly, if we look ahead at the coming moments, Amara nearly killing Vee changes the emotionality of the scene. The most powerful thought would be "I just killed Vee" rather than "Vee tried to save me."

The point of this action, from a meta standpoint, is to shake Amara from her rage. In the version I wrote, where Vee is injured by Davenport's sword, the instant gut reaction from Amara is the thought that Vee pushed Amara out of the way to keep her safe from Davenport's attacks.

However, that's not entirely true. Vee did push Amara out of the way to keep her safe, but not from Davenport, from herself. I say this as much in the chapter.

“Vee!” Amara gasped, cradling Vee’s face in her hand. “Why did you do that? Why did you stop me?!”

“I was… saving you.”

“I would’ve been fine, Vee! We both know I would have survived that!”

Vee shook her head, her brilliant blonde hair briefly covering her face. Amara tenderly brushed it away, then Vee continued. “From yourself, Amara.”

Because Davenport hurt Vee, not Amara, she's primed to look at this situation as "Vee cares about me, and sacrificed herself to keep me safe." That's why her first argument is "You shouldn't have done that, I would have survived a blade through the heart." It then falls to Vee to point out that Davenport wasn't the threat, it was Amara herself.

If Amara had been the cause of the injury, I think this scene would have been eclipsed by her own guilt, and that she wouldn't be in the mindset to see Vee's actions for what they truly are.

I'm getting ahead of myself, however.

Vee falls into a portal, Amara dives after her, and they're now miles above the ground. Vee's magic is freaking out, creating an immensely powerful enochian electrical storm, and it seems to be having weird effects on Amara. For some reason, she flashes back to the moment she first met Vee.

This flashback, and the one coming up shortly, were the last additions to the chapter. I'd never planned on including them, but in the moment, I realized it was the perfect fit.

My initial plan was to spend more time having Vee and Amara talk. Amara was going to stress that, even though she can't fly, she can still hold Vee close and shield her from hitting the ground. In the end, I didn't like the thought of this moment turning into a small argument/conversation about mechanical semantics. I needed to focus everything on the emotionality of the moment, the mental journey Amara goes through as things start snapping into place.

So, we see how they first met. We get to learn Vee's last name, we get another glimpse at pre-transformation Amara, and we get to see what Amara's first impressions of Vee were. A single look at Vee inspires Amara to calm down; she's struck by Vee's appearance, inflicted with jealousy over how good she looks, and is a nervous wreck as she tries to introduce herself.

We're only back in the present for a short conversation before more of Vee's magic explodes out, causing another memory.

This time, we see Amara at the party. The very same party that happened the night before the series began, and the moment where Amara's transformation began. In the past, I've hinted that her demonic instincts were triggered by somewhat vague things, just kinda being around a bunch of horny college students. However, I've also stressed repeatedly that Amara isn't always the brightest bulb in the bunch, and it's easy for her to miss what's right in front of her.

We see her nervously fidgeting with her dress, chastising herself for coming out to a party, and then Vee shows up. Because of Vee, Amara is able to find the joy in dancing, and she's able to shake lose her nerves about the night. Vee pulls them closer together, they're holding each other and whispering into each other's ears... and then Amara's demonic senses overwhelm her. She's caught off guard by Vee's scent, the simply look of her body under the lights, and Amara runs off the find Nick and lose her virginity.

Ooooh doesn't that reframe the events of the story in an interesting way?

Again, this was a last minute addition. Some thing I've been sitting on for years, but the thought that Vee was literally the person who kickstarted Amara's transformation? I thought of that right here, and fell in love with it.

Mostly because it serves the most important story beat of all.

It's time. It's time to talk about VeeMara.

Years ago, I sat down and wrote a silly chapter about a young woman fucking her best friend and then growing a tail. When I realized I wanted to write more, I started making choices about where the story was going. What did I want to write about? What would the themes be?

Ideas flooded my thoughts, ideas of types of stories and dynamics that I felt I wanted to see in fiction, but never really found. These thoughts mixed with another lingering dread: my own fear that I wouldn't stick with the story in the long term. I've had a bunch of other interests in the past: I've tried to learn instruments, I've tried to learn game coding, I've tried making board games, and nothing has stuck. Every single hobby I've tried has eventually grown to bore me.

So, I decided that I would start writing this story on the assumption that I would burn out eventually. That decision made me think "Hey, if I know I'm going to give up on this eventually, why don't I just take all my favorite tropes and put them in one place? Hold nothing back, make this story the absolute epitome of all my favorite things."

Near the top of the list was the thought that I've always wanted to see a story with two people in a happy relationship. They're not constantly on the verge of breaking up, the story doesn't end the instant they get together, we just get a bunch of time with two people that are deeply in love. Maybe they have small issues here and there, but nothing major. Now, that thought conflicted with another item on my trope wishlist.

Wouldn't it be super fun, and super cheesy, to do a big dramatic Angel/Demon enemies-to-lovers plotline?

Ooh that's juicy. I'm a huge lesbian, and the thought of giving my new demon character a hot angel girlfriend was the ultimate wish fulfillment fantasy.

So, what's the problem with that?

Well, if I want to have a story with two people in a happy, long-term committed relationship, that can't happen until I've already gone through the entire enemies-to-lovers storyline, which is a big ask. That plot requires that I spend a bunch of time setting up why they're enemies, then we need time to see them bristle against each other and reluctantly team up, then they need to slowly realize that maybe they can be friends again, and only then can the love part come up.

That's a lot of plot!

And so, my hands were tied. The only way forward, obviously, was to make the enemies-to-lovers plot the very first thing that happens.

Book One needs to say "Okay, these two are friends, and here's what drives them apart."

Book Two is "A greater threat forces them to work together."

Book Three is "They're shoved into a space together and forced to work out their differences."

Book Four is "With the relationship repaired, they eventually figure out that maybe they have feelings for each other."

Every single thing that happened in the first four books spawned from my desire to make Vee and Amara as gay for each other as I possibly could. The literal first thing that happens after the first chapter is we meet Vee, and I start seeding hints that Amara is attracted to her.

Suddenly A Succubus, Chapter 2:

Amara giggled to herself as she thought back on their meeting. She had been jealous of Vee, the taller of the two, with long blond hair and a toned figure, but that feeling had faded fast; Amara had decided she preferred her curvier features and more prominent bust. Now, she lingered on that feeling of jealousy as it flared again, this time wishing she could have a normal, tailless body.

(Originally published 10/2/2023)

Jealousy is a GREAT way to show that a character is attracted to someone but hasn't realized it yet. We also see that, even in this moment, Amara is thinking about Vee's body.

(Also, technically there's a bit of a retcon here. In the original release I say that met in Freshman Biology, but I changed that for the publication.)

In Chapter 3, now that we've met Vee, I start planting seeds that hint about Vee's ambivalence towards the Church. She doesn't want to be an angel, she just wants to be a college student. I did this specifically so that her actions on Halloween felt more like a tragedy of errors, a terrible thing brought on by misinformation and nightmares ruining her sleep and sanity.

It was important that we see, in this early stage, that Vee isn't actually super invested in her Church. While this isn't a hint at her feelings towards Amara, it's a hint that she's able to be redeemed after attacking Amara on Halloween.

One thing that's super fun about enemies-to-lovers plotlines is the moment where they're forced to work together, and so that was the entire second book. Once Vee comes back, we get a bunch of awkward moments where they don't know what to say to each other. They each hurt the other accidentally, and they even get super sweaty wrestling each other in the Gymnastics building, which Tessa flat-out says is "the most homoerotic shit I've ever seen."

Then, at the end of the book, Vee decides Amara is worth saving, and even steals a glance at her nearly naked body.

The entirety of Book Three exists because I wanted to write the "only one bed" trope.

At first, my thought was that this might be just a couple of chapters. They pop over to Purgatory, it's really cold, and then boom, its time to share a bed. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized it needed to be the entire book. I loved the idea of having each book be a different planar threat, and so Purgatory being a place of entropy was a really fun idea. It's a backseat threat, one that doesn't stop Amara and Vee from being snippy with each other, but it's also a great catalyst for them to finally talk out their issues.

Of course, it's also SO cold, and Amara is SO warm.

I also loved the idea that being trapped in Purgatory meant Amara couldn't feed. It was a great chance to see what happens when she gets desperate, yes, but it was also an opportunity to let us see Vee admit her attraction to Amara. She only admits that it's a small sexual attraction, of course, but we see her masturbate while thinking of Amara.

One thing that was really important to me was stressing that the eventually relationship wasn't just physical attraction. I needed to put in a TON of work to show that these two people genuinely care for each other, and that they're really great for each other. They make each other better people, and they have SO much in common. They both have complicated feelings about how other people look at them in relation to their supernatural identities, but they're coming at those feelings from opposite direction. Amara clearly loves being a demon, but she hates how so many people keep trying to kill her. Vee kinda seems to regret being an Angel, as she thinks her entire life is out of her control, but Amara encourages her to think about what she wants out of her life, not just want she thinks the Church wants from her.

Book Four sees Amara at her lowest point, and who's there? Vee. Vee is busting her ass trying to cheer Amara up, keep her grounded, and she even jumps off a fucking cliff just because she thinks flying will help Amara break through her grief. Vee is also, of the two, much more emotionally intelligent, and so it makes sense that she would piece together her feelings first.

Which brings us back to the present.

I never wrote out this scene. I never outlined it, I never detailed a single piece of it, and it has existed in my notes purely as "The Scene."

The climax of the first Act of the Series, the payoff of years of planting, the moment where everything comes together. More than anything, I always knew that The Scene would include some variation of the following line:

It had always been Vee.

So, when I wrote all the prior books, I knew I needed to plant the seeds for that line to land. I touch on most of those moments in The Scene, actually.

Vee was the first person Amara shapeshifted into. Why did she do that? Was she afraid of losing Nick? Or was she so excited at the thought of someone dating Vee that her own feelings pushed her shapeshifting to finally activate?

While disguised as Vee, Amara's hellfire appeared for the first time.

Her hellfire, the flames of her existence that illuminated every corner of her soul, had only sparked to life because Derek had threatened Vee.

This was, again, a moment I was really careful about.

Suddenly A Succubus, Chapter 7:

"This game's called Stay. Fucking. Quiet." He was practically growling now, his mouth twisted into a horrific grin. His other hand moved down, his heavy fingers starting to fumble with his pants. "I've waited too long for this, Vee..."

Vee.

Derek's attention was slipping, and the bottle pushed even harder against her. She could feel its jagged edges scratching her skin as she strained to keep away from it.

He thinks I'm Vee.

The thought snapped Amara out of her fear. Her thoughts began racing, taking a step back to look at everything that was happening, and her panic turned to white hot rage.

(Originally posted 1/16/2024)

In my first draft of that scene, I made the thought of Vee more prominent, but I thought that gave the game away too much. The goal was to make it seem like Amara just wanted to protect her friends, and she happened to be disguised as Vee. Of course, we know better, don't we? :P

The goal was always that, when you read "It had always been Vee," it feels earned. It doesn't feel like I'm trying to crowbar feeling where they never existed before. Alongside Amara, you're realizing that, yeah, Vee has always been hugely important to Amara, and vice-versa. Hasn't Vee had multiple times where she's stress that Amara was uniquely special to her?

Suddenly A Succubus, Chapter 8:

Minutes passed, the silence only broken by Vee's sniffling. She was glad Amara lived the closest of her friends; Tessa had a bad habit of being too flippant, and Chloé wasn't the most reliable in stressful situations. Amara had always been safe and comfortable, eager to help however she could.

(Originally posted 2/9/2024)

This is the moment where it all came together. It need to be obvious that Amara has always had these feelings, but also obvious how she managed to completely miss that she felt this way about Vee. After all, just like Nick tells Vee in Book Four, Amara's never been great processing things head on.

And yeah, that's it.

“What do I want?” Amara asked, repeating Vee’s question. Here, in the face of potentially losing her forever, the answer had never been more clear. 

“I… I want you, Vee.”

Vee opened her eyes in shock, the dim light inside her soul still fighting for survival. Tears welled in her eyes, and with the last of her strength, she reached for Amara’s face, softly caressing her cheeks. Amara wrapped her arms around Vee’s waist, pulling her even closer as they stared into each other’s eyes, their souls finally laid bare before each other.

They leaned in. Hesitation. A silent question, a silent answer. Vee's hands slid back, pulled Amara closer, and they kissed.

I spent so long on this moment. How do you write a first kiss? How do you write the payoff to four whole books of buildup? Everything I've done has led to this point, and the thought of fucking up their first moments together really scared me.

In the end, I couldn't be happier with how this moment came out. The two years of setup, the constant hints, all of it. In my head, a true romance should be making the audience scream out "When are you two gonna kiss already?????" I'm so tired of stories where two people kiss and it's like, what? Since when did either of you care about each other that way? Or want a relationship?

If the comments I've gotten in the last year are any indicator, I've done my job. Everyone has been shipping Vee and Amara together for months, and I bit my tongue every time I playfully denied it was happening.

But now I can finally say it! VeeMara is fucking canon!!!! IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!!!

I love this scene so much. I wish I could animate it: the kiss, the rainbow storm around them both, Vee's halo that's a racing coalescence of infinite different colors, it's beautiful. I hope I was able to do the visuals justice for you, my lovely readers.

In the end, we close with a totally random paragraph about some weird magic feather?

Eh, it's probably nothing.

Happy VeeMara everyone!

Nyx ♥