Rough Draft - Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 34
Added 2024-12-17 00:32:11 +0000 UTCVee woke with a start several hours later. With
Comments
People are also prone to shifting between different masks depending on their surroundings! Is this still Amara, just a more desperate one? Are there supernatural forces at work inside her? We still don't really understand demon physiology, as we've got a pretty small sample size
Nyx Nyghtingale
2024-12-19 22:36:30 +0000 UTCSomething I'm really wondering is how actually separate are "demon Amara" and "human Amara"? After all, everyone else has intrusive thoughts, selfish and even destructive or harmful impulses, and desires that we'd rather not think came from us. Obviously most of us don't usually have urges or impulses to goad a group of would-be rapists to gang-bang us so we can apply the "domination loss" tag on the scene and suck them dry (potentially both literally and soul-wise). But a lot of us would be hard pressed to do some pretty extreme things if our own survival or the survival of our loved ones was on the line, and especially if we were in a state of extreme deprivation. So yeah, maybe there really isn't a "demon Amara" so much as she now has a new set of biological/existential needs and has been put up against the wall and desperate far more often surrounding those new needs and just in general than the vast majority of college co-eds. Or I could be mistake and there is a distinct, metaphysical difference between the collection of impulses, thoughts, and behaviors that is "demon Amara" and a mere ramped-up and sexually-charged version of any human's darker side.
Sturstryk
2024-12-19 21:50:52 +0000 UTCI usually lurk, but this was a great chapter! I do "hate" how you're teasing the sex scenes. Most other writers would have had Vee/Amara hooking up, but it's the better call not to. To tease but not show the Nick/Amara scene... Oh man you're keeping us tense :p
Anonymous Lurker
2024-12-17 23:39:10 +0000 UTCI was just wondering if it was some sort of reaper revenge plot. "You guys are in here attacking us. So we're invading" Though also, well, I somewhat doubt we'll get answers. Not like they can talk.
Ryan
2024-12-17 11:00:27 +0000 UTCSide note: you keep bringing up this fog over the Quad. Chloé noticed it, Tessa noticed it, and I'm sure the audience has noticed it. That suggests that the reapers -- who gathered in Purgatory's Quad in a circle -- are trying to break out of Purgatory and into the Material World (TM). And who knows how to build planar portals between dimensions? The cultists. Therefore and thusly, I conclude that the reapers are the cultists who got sucked through the portal on the night of the ritual. Furthermore, their invasion of the Material World will be the action-packed climax of this Book. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.
AFanofRoses
2024-12-17 07:25:50 +0000 UTCI love the way you handled this chapter! It's awesome to read a story where the characters communicate and handle their supernatural and their painfully-ordinary problems like adults. I'm so glad that Amara and Vee didn't get up to anything more potentially-wrong. Amara wasn't in her normal state of mind, and either having Vee give into her or having Amara force herself onto Vee would have been stepping over a line that for me seems like a very big deal in this story. The solution of Vee having those specific thoughts as she allowed Amara to feed hits a sweetspot where it's naughty without either one taking advantage of the other, but it still leaves at least one of them with questions to ask themselves. I also appreciate how it gives me (a reader) some questions to consider. Did Amara influence Vee to think of her, even unintentionally? Did Amara take anything when she fed? Was she telling the truth when she told Vee that she can't read her aura very well, or was that a cover and she knew exactly who Vee was fantasizing about? Questions that may or may not have been intentional, and may or may not ever be answered, are sometimes my favorites. I loved seeing their emotions afterward! It makes total sense that Amara would feel things after feeding on Vee. Doubt and regret are very real emotions, and Amara is still living through and figuring out some very heavy stuff. I can only imagine how awful Amara feels for basically demanding that of Vee in order to survive. If my two options are Amara being apathetic to her friends or Amara breaking down after doing something morally questionable, I'll take the latter every time. This next point isn't related to this chapter, but I haven't forgotten about Chloé. She's still on campus, where Nick and Tessa are. She's going to find out very soon what's been happening, and I hope her friends are able to take their time coming clean to her.
AFanofRoses
2024-12-17 07:10:57 +0000 UTCVisualizing her concept of self meeting another presence is a great way to put it. It’s amorphous and vague, but it’s supposed to be. And the idea is clear enough for the reader to imagine what that would be like. Vee’s initial shock at feeling the connection, then later on her acceptance of it, then finally her commitment to the connection and to her best friend when she came was really well done.
Jeff
2024-12-17 03:23:12 +0000 UTCDid the connection feel abstract enough? I struggled quite a bit on the wording for that portion
Nyx Nyghtingale
2024-12-17 03:12:11 +0000 UTCVee accepting the feeling of Amara feeding and drawing comfort from it was a great touch. You did a wonderful job of showing Vee’s mental journey.
Jeff
2024-12-17 02:56:54 +0000 UTCYay! Definitely a newer experience for me, in terms of POV and focus, but I'm really happy with how it turned out.
Nyx Nyghtingale
2024-12-17 02:50:48 +0000 UTCRelieved to hear that the discomfort came across. It was a very fine line, as I didn't want it to feel too rapey (for lack of a better word). It's funny that you mention the very first chapter, honestly. I purposely skipped the panic attack there because it didn't feel right at the beginning of the story, but now we're two and a half books in. I wanted to show the vulnerability, to stress that Vee and her used to be best friends before all of this. I'm glad it felt appropriate! Certainly a lot of fun details in this chapter, so it's great to see them all land!
Nyx Nyghtingale
2024-12-17 02:50:12 +0000 UTCThe scene with Amara and Vee once they got down to business is fucking. Hot.
Jeff
2024-12-17 02:26:41 +0000 UTCI would have felt more than a bit uncomfortable if that was how Vee and Amara had sex, so that definitely came through. And good call on including the panic attack, it also nicely draws parallels between Nick and Vee, and draws the thread of Amara's character back to the very first chapter. (I was wondering if she was just over them now that she's a demon, since she hasn't really had one since accepting she was a demon) Skipping over the Nick/Amara scene was definitely the right call as far as I'm concerned. My first thought was "Really? Two sex scenes in a chapter?", so :p I don't think the ending feels rushed, but it does feel abrupt. But with that final sentence and their dirty little secret getting out, I think it feels earned too :p. Other thoughts Really Amara, your mom is tired and doesn't eat enough? Kind of like another demon we know who doesn't eat much when she's tired? I'm sure there's no connection we can draw there. I'm distantly chanting "same patron". If this theory is ever proven, I will finally arrive at my local taco shop and order the long awaited tamale Congrats Vee, I guess your job is to be a guardian angel! For a succubus. Not sure you should tell the church. But if your patron is on board with this, what were the visions actually warning you about! Do you think Amara and Nick just joined something like a magical mile high club? Or is this a magical version of phone sex?
Ryan
2024-12-17 01:10:39 +0000 UTC
