Suddenly A Succubus Ch. 34 - Reflection

Sometime I write chapters and think "Wow, that was fun!" and sometimes I think "Oh god this is so important, did I do my characters justice? If this isn't perfect it changes everything." Needless to say, this chapter falls into the latter category.

Some more recent chapters have included things that I've been thinking about for well over a year. All the conversations Amara and Vee have once they finally start talking? Basically all of that had, realistically, been written ages ago, I just had to find the right order to put it in. This chapter, however, didn't have that benefit.

I had a strong outline, and I knew what needed to happen, but this is a sensitive chapter. I mean, any chapter that opens with "Amara has lost control and tries to force herself on Vee" is going to be a tough one to write.

For me, the hardest part was finding the sweet spot for Amara's behavior. If I make her too nasty, this scene becomes intensely uncomfortable, but if she's not desperate enough, the threat of her starvation doesn't feel real. Finding that balance took a lot of fine tuning. Of course, there was another problem.

You want to hear something crazy? Recently, I've had a few people say that they're shipping Amara and Vee. (Bonkers, I know!) Anyways, some of these people have clearly been excited for this exact chapter, because it would be the perfect opportunity for Amara and Vee to sleep with each other for the very first time. While I honestly have no idea where such crazy ideas come from, the presence of this train of thought presented a secret third issue.

I wanted you, the reader, to not want them to fuck.

So, when I started the chapter, I wanted to make you uncomfortable. I wanted you to see Amara's actions and immediately think about how wrong it would be for this to be their first time fucking. I hope that came across, because I had to be pretty darn picky with my word choices here.

That's a lot of preamble, I know, but it's a heavy chapter. People have been looking forward to this event for a while, for myriad different reasons, and I really wanted to deliver.

That being said, I'm incredibly proud of my little workaround. The fact that Amara can feed without physical contact has never been all that important before. It was most relevant in Chapter 5 when she was feeding on Brandon for the first time, but otherwise it's mostly been a fun detail for when she's out partying or teasing Tessa.

It was really exciting, then, to turn that tiny detail into a crucial part of this tense moment. I love that we get to follow Vee's train of thought, watching as she slowly realizes how she can help Amara out.

Importantly, I think this chapter really showcases how much has changed. If they hadn't reconciled, and spent the last 3-4 chapters really opening up to each other, I don't think Vee would have let Amara feed on her like this. It's a huge step for her, and hopefully it felt appropriately earned.

Of course, this is still a smut book, kinda. We've been going without spice or a while, and it was really interesting that two of the three sex scenes in this book have been with characters who have never been shown having sex, just masturbating. First Chloé, now Vee. I'm particularly proud of how different both masturbation sessions feel, and I don't just mean the context. Chloé had a toy, and was safe at home, but we also followed her train of thought. She was pretty grounded, focusing on the toy and the physical sensations.

Vee, on the other hand, completely lost herself in a fantasy. This is a type of sexuality we haven't really seen before, as it's much more appropriate for this kind of solo sexual escapade.

I do love being a tease though, and I had a blast writing out the specific journey that Vee's fantasy takes. It starts as some random girl, then she adds in details, and then oh shit she's thinking of Amara?!

For everyone who got excited by the tiny cliffhanger at the end of Book Two, when Vee kinda checked Amara out briefly, this one's for you. I even made sure to call back to that exact moment, because I thought it was a great chance for Vee to examine some of her unconscious decisions. Why did she accidentally check out Amara?

The masturbation is only the first half of this chapter though! When Vee finishes, she's able to summon enochian flames for the first time! That's pretty crazy, I wonder how that happened.

Probably a coincidence.

Importantly, when she goes to check on Amara, it's pretty obvious that something is wrong. This is actually a moment that almost didn't make it into the chapter. I briefly considered showing that Amara was crying and then fading to black with the assumption that, other than Vee being there to care for her, nothing significant happened.

But then a funny thing happened. Waaaay back when I first started, like, literally the first thing I ever wrote, I wrestled with the question of whether or not to include Amara's panic attack.

It's canon that Amara has one after her tail appears, which made it tricky to decide on how I should start chapter 2. Do I show the panic attack? Do I show them testing what the tail can and can't do? I ended up deciding against that, and a big reason was that Amara was such a new character, both for me and the audience. It didn't feel right to show an intense panic attack so close to the start of Amara's journey, and I'm still happy with that decision.

But now? Amara and Vee have been baring their souls to each other all book (not literally, but you know what I mean). I've spent quite a bit of time in book three writing tough conversations, showing these two girls at some of their weakest, and I realized that showing them working through this panic attack would be great storytelling.

We've also never really seen one of Amara's panic attacks before. We've seen her worry, and I've made it clear that she's a pretty emotional person, but nothing quite like this.

Showing this panic attack helped me illustrate quite a few things. First, it helps to reinforce the fact that Amara and Vee were friends for quite a while before everything exploded, and I liked seeing that Vee recognized the signs. Secondly, we get to see exactly how Vee comforts Amara, which is a pretty tender moment in my opinion. Thirdly, it also establishes that Amara feels so bad about what she did that she's practically falling apart over it, at least a little. If she had fed on Vee and then immediately been great, I think it would have cheapened her character. There's no way someone like Amara tries to force herself on a friend out of desperation and doesn't have intense feelings about it.

But thankfully, as emotions calm down, we get a quiet scene of the two of them just talking. I thought it was important to not end immediately after the panic attack, especially since this was another great way to show them being friends again. I try not to let the drama be the entire story when possible, I want to stress that they do legitimately enjoy talking and hanging out with each other.

We also get a very rare treat! More of Amara's backstory! It was nice to have a chance to talk about her home life a bit. Her pre-demon life is something that I initially didn't think much about, but it's been on my mind more recently, so I was glad to have space for it here.

We also hear a little bit more about Evelyn! She's a fun character, I hope we get to meet her someday.

Once we finally finish up with Amara and Vee, we get to jump back to Earth. Tessa and Nick continue to be a very enjoyable pairing, and I think they're settling into a nice dynamic. Personally, I find writing from Tessa's POV always a little refreshing just because she's so much snarkier than my other characters.

It's also time for the second attempt at getting Amara and Vee back home, but it doesn't quite work. Tessa's improvements have definitely taken, though, and it's enough for them to touch!

This does mean that, technically, this chapter has two sex scenes in it. I think that's a first for me, honestly, but also I don't think the second one really counts. Tessa ignores most of it, instead sitting with her own conflicting thoughts about Amara and Nick. This moment honestly had more attention in my initial outline, but I eventually realized that I didn't really want to have two full sex scenes in one chapter. I'm also very happy with the timing of how I'm jumping between POVs, and I didn't want to break that.

With Amara now fully juiced up, the circle connection breaks, and Tessa and Nick go to get some food. This gave me a chance for another thing we almost never get: insight about Nick!

He's a pretty simple character, but he's also been around since the very beginning, and yet he's never gotten much time to push back against everything that's happening around him. Pairing him with Tessa was partially to get Tessa to open up, but I always wanted it to be a chance to get to know Nick more as well. We learned earlier in the book that he's demi, and now we get a good look into his general thought process, and how he's been so chill despite all the nonsense happening around him.

And that's that! Man, this ended up being a pretty beefy Reflection. Turns out there's a lot to say when two rivals finally bury the hatchet and become friends again!

Thanks for humoring me, as always!

Nyx <3