(Exclusive) Cuddles, Kisses, and Comfort for Low Self-Esteem (for Emotional Ab*se)

He hurts you because he's hurting. And you can't let him break you.

A Note from Moon

You could've been warmer, more pleasant. If you weren't so cold and dejected, you would've been easier to like. And you should've been calmer, more assertive, stronger. But instead, you were—are—sensitive and weak. That's why you were hurt then, and that's why you're hurting now. You are difficult to deal with, and eventually, everyone who you dare to care for will realize that.

This is a cruel story that our wounded subconscious may tell us as we slip into the dangerous, unpredictable unknown that is love. He doesn't mean any harm; he's actually protecting us. Because he knows that beneath this (almost) impenetrable exterior that he's built for us is a child, thin and frail, trembling in fetal. And he tells us this story to keep us there, safe and cared for by the only one who ever has. We're alone within ourselves, with ourselves, because we're the ones who kissed and rocked that "difficult" child to sleep every night, as we do today.

But that child has only ever wanted to be loved. He wants to feel the warmth of a hug that he can sink into fully and without reservations. He wants to run through the grass and palm the dirt and trip and fall into open arms and a smile and a kiss. He wants to be seen and understood and embraced, unconditionally.

But his pleas are quiet, too quiet. They're tiny, like him, and the bigger, stronger, wiser protector buries them. Because the protector knows that love is the one force that can penetrate each layer of the womb that has sheltered this naïve, vulnerable child.

But we're not growing in this womb. It is not warm and nurturing. It's cold and dark, and we are stunted. We are stuck in a state of pain and fear—but at least we're safe, right?

You never stood a chance, by the way. Nothing would have changed your fate. You could have been more this or less that, but they still wouldn't (or couldn't) have loved you in the way that you needed them to. Their treatment of you is a reflection of them and them only.

I used to blame myself, too. I think that the first step is awareness: identifying thoughts that aren't yours but a story, composed of words that were spat at you, mumbled, whispered about you, written, texted, even posted.

Part of awareness is also getting to know your inner child for who they are, no labels or judgement. When and where are they happiest? Who are they happiest around? What are their dreams and aspirations? They are not without flaws, but you'll begin to see and understand and embrace them unconditionally. You'll begin to love them, and you'll wonder if maybe, just maybe, despite the stories, others can love them, too.

(The answer is yes.)

I'm still here, somewhere between awareness and action. But wherever you are, especially if you are still experiencing emotional ab-se or neglect, please know that you are worthy of love.

You are worthy of love, including self-love, despite how they treat(ed) you.

You are worthy of love independent of external successes or failures.

You are worthy of love from your highs to your lows, on your good days and your bad days.

You are a beautiful soul, a light. Yes, someone who was supposed to love you did not. But there are people who will see you and love you if you give them the chance.

I know that it's hard. You've protected yourself for so long. You may be hurt again, but you also may not. You owe it to yourself to take the risk.

If no one has told you today, I love you. And I am proud of you.

Take care of yourself,

Moon ☾

Credits

SCRIPT

Improvised by Moon Berry Audio

SOUND EFFECTS

Zapsplat

Freesound

Additional sound effects recorded by Moon Berry Audio