Keely 3, 005

Maggie told her that Cole knew what they'd done. And that he was fine with it. Of course he’d be. And Maggie said he’d been disappointed he wasn’t there. She’d hid it from her face when Maggie said that, but it was an awful thought. Four people in bed together? All of them doing what?

The whole thing had taken a weird turn. Maybe they shouldn’t have done the thing they did in Michigan, but it was done and they’d have to deal with it. But she wasn’t about to get into some weird space with Max and Maggie and Cole. What the three of them did years ago together was none of her business. Which was a lie, because she poked and poked and prodded at Max for little details. Nowadays did it just to watch him squirm a little. Make him uncomfortable. But, the last thing she’d want was a foursome with them.

The CD’d fallen all the way to the bottom of her bag, but she produced it now to him. Cole was slipping out of his jacket. He lay it in his lap then looked at the Cd she held but didn’t take it.

“Make sure she gets it,” she said.

“I don’t have my bag with me.”

She wagged the CD. “Put it in your jacket pocket.”

He rolled his eyes and took it, then fumbled with his jacket, getting the lapel folded over so he could slip Maggie’s CD into the side pocket. It was a weird exchange and she couldn’t help thinking he was hiding something. Something like an erection. Gross. But that would be such a high school boy thing, and Cole wasn’t like that.

“I’ll see she gets it,” he said, laying his hands in his lap now, jacket clutched between his legs, not dissuading her notion he’d got hard thinking of her with his girlfriend.

She wondered if any of them had thought of a foursome before. Or were thinking of it now. If there was anyone who would be thinking about it, it would be Cole. Sitting here with her now trying to keep a straight face, doing those handsome lazy eyes and sunken cheeks thing. Fuck, he was a stunner. But the idea they’d open their legs up for each other was crazy. Hot as he was, and as much fun as it had sort of been with Maggie this weekend, it would just lead to a bad place. And probably bring up a lot of baggage for her Max.

At least the thing they’d done this last weekend was organic. And it wasn’t about sex, as crazy as it might sound. That’s the tact she would take. It was better addressed, but entering that forest you better be armed with a good sense of direction.

She said to him, “Maggie told me you know what happened this weekend.”

“In Michigan?”

She smiled. “Look at you playing dumb.”

He laughed, ran a hand through his hair. It was getting long. He did have amazing thick, blond hair. And she liked being seen with him, sitting in the café everybody looking at the two of them together. But it was just a fun little thrill. She said, “In Michigan. That’s where we went, you know.”

“Yeah, she told me.”

His delivery was flat and it was hard to interpret his understanding of what they’d done. Maggie said he was fine. “It wasn’t . . . well, I’m sure she’s told you what it was.”

“She told me.”

Again, not much to go on, and she’d hate for him to have secret anger for her. Or worse, for Max. “Can I tell you my perspective?”

“I’d love it,” he said and brightened, smiling a little even and relaxing his posture like he wanted to be comfortable for story time. Was he expecting a dirty story, or did he really want to hear what she had to say about what happened, hear some honesty?

“It wasn’t about . . . sex.”

He nodded, looked interested.

She said, “I think Maggie had a hard time being there with Max’s family and me being there too.”

“All things must pass, and all that,” Cole said.

“Right. I think it was just hard for her, and me being there put her in a bad place. All we wanted to do was make her feel better.”

“It wasn’t about sex.”

“A little bit,” she said. “I don’t want to really talk about it.” She showed him a sheepish face so he’d get the point.

He eyed her up and down, and she imagined he was thinking about sex, despite her. Thinking about when he might get his turn. But the answer was never.

“No way, buster,” she said then laughed.

“What?” he said, joking, putting on the charm and feigning innocence. That was what he’d been thinking. Big smile, light sparkling in his eyes. He could get his way very easily.

She said, “It was really just about that moment in time, about being there for Maggie. It’s the stupidest thing for me to say, but I hope you believe me.”

“I believe you,” he said. “Maggie told me everything. At least I think everything . . .”

“Even about when we were hanging from the chandelier?”

That got him. For a second he looked at her puzzled. Bewildered. She burst out laughing, then he followed suit.

She said, “So you swear we’re not going to talk about it anymore?”

“Not if you don’t want to, we won’t. I swear we won’t.”

She nodded a thank you, averting her eyes, thinking “we?” Then: “We thought about you,” she said, and was quick to double up behind that, saying, “Not like that. We thought about you not being there and if it was okay or not.”

“Maggie knows me.”

“That’s what she said.”

“I’m not mad.”

“I’m glad. I didn’t want to bring this up with you, but . . .”

“It gets awkward if you don’t say anything.”

“That’s what I figured, too. You’re not mad at Max or anything?”

“No. I’ve been texting him. We don’t even mention it.”

“But what happened to ‘It gets awkward if you don’t say anything?’”

“Max and I know each other.”

“I know Max, too. And I know you,” she said, and then in the silence following that statement the words meant to be lighthearted grew heavy with meaning. They did know each other. Knew each other very well. She did shag the fuck out of him her first month at Farm. Fucking went hard for him, too. Thought there might be something between them, but he’d busted her heart. Her poor few-days-over-eighteen-years-old, new-to-America heart. But it wasn’t the first time it was broken, and it wasn’t the last. Definitely not. Cole taught her a valuable lesson. She bore him no grudge. But the truth of the matter was she knew a lot about Cole Cantarella. Knew what his mouth tasted like. Knew what his tongue felt like between her legs. Knew his cock. Had sucked it. And fucked it. And she’d fucked him good. He had a big, fat cock. It was funny because she’d forgotten about that until Max brought it up. Always associated Cole with being hung, but forgot the details. The thickness.

She shook her head and chastised herself. A heavy, warm and wet feeling gathered below, pooling heat between her legs. She laughed it off, but knew her cheeks would be red, and the tops of her ears as well. And a guy like Cole would know she just got hot. She leaned forward to hide her face by sipping her coffee.

“What a shame,” he sang, looking off, wistful.

She faced him. “A shame?”

“We were pretty good together,” he said, narrowing his eyes and smirking.

“Hey, don’t say that.”

“What? We were. No harm.”

“Just don’t say it.”

“Max doesn’t care.”

“It makes me feel funny.”

“Aw, don’t make anything out of it.”

She blushed deeper and lowered her eyes. “I know you’re joking, but I think we’re entering territory I’m not comfortable in.”

“I am only kidding, Keely.” His voice was serious and she met his eyes. The joke was over for the moment and he looked at her with compassion. “I’m trying my best to make it through this too. You and I are in the same boat.”

“You and I?”

“Max and Maggie are a thing. I accept it. They’ll never, ever be together again . . .” He held her gaze, this time making sure she knew he was adamant that Max and Maggie were not getting back together.

“I didn’t think they were.”

“Good. They’re not. I just mean you and I are on the sidelines no matter what.”

“This took a dark turn.”

“Sorry,” he said and there was a clear heaviness to his brow.

“One second I feel like I’m fending you off and you’re hiding something under that jacket, the next you got my stomach hurting.”

“Oh, come on. You know what I’m saying.” Now he looked regretful, and he reached out. She gave him her hand and he held it. “I don’t want you to feel bad. You and I . . . we’ve never talked about where we fit in.”

“I thought I knew where I fit in.”

“You’ve got him, Keely. That’s not what I’m saying. You’ve got Max. He’s so wild for you. I’ve got Maggie. Do I look like I’m sweating?”

“Sweating?”

“Worried. Worried about Maggie and Max.”

She sighed. “No, you don’t.”

“Don’t take what I’m saying and run with it.”

“You’re right.”

“Look, what I’m saying is I get how you feel maybe more than Max, more than Maggie. You and I are in many ways on the same team.”

“It’s us against them,” she said, then realized she didn’t smile. She said, “I’m joking.”

“Good. There’s shit we have to deal with if we want to be with them. I love Maggie in ways no one can comprehend. I mean, I love her more than anything. Look, Max . . . gave Maggie to me whether he wants to think it, but I have him to thank for putting her in my life so Max is my man forever. It’s a package deal and I love Maggie so much I’m willing to live with it. Live with it and appreciate it in a way.”

“Fuck. You’re right.”

“Shit, I’m not bumming you, am I?”

“No,” she said, letting his hand go, shaking her head and reaching for her coffee. “Just some insight I didn’t expect from you.”

“Max is one-hundred-percent worth it. I hope you see it.”

“I do see it. I already know it. And, wow. Thanks. I thought this talk would be a lot different.”

He smiled. “It might have been. Depends how you talked to me first.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Not at all. You said more than you can know.”

Now she lightened, sat back and crossed her arms, turned to face him. The two of the lounged on the couch, and she couldn’t remember a time she’d felt closer to Cole. He was always a repulsion in their foursome. For her friendship with Maggie to thrive, her past with Cole was problematic. And for her love for Max, Cole’s present with Maggie was problematic. He’d taken Max’s girl, even if Max wouldn’t admit it to her. She’d never thought of them as connected, but Cole illuminated it, and he was right.

“Maggie is part of Max’s past, and she made him the man I love today—”

“So you see it?”

“I do. I love Maggie.”

“Maggie is mine, but part of her will always belong to Max,” he said, still caught up in some darkness. He scoffed, said, “She asked me if it bothers me she wears his ring around her neck, and—”

“What ring?” But she already knew exactly what ring. Her heart pounded.

“Oh, shit,” Cole said, face showing alarm and horror. He’d said something she didn’t know. “She . . . wears his engagement ring around her neck.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Her face reddened for a whole new reason now, and an anger swelled within her.

“Stop,” Cole said. “Don’t be mad. That has nothing to do with Max. Don’t you see?”

Her mouth slimmed and she tried not to be angry but couldn’t help it. When they’d all been naked in that hotel room bed in Michigan, Maggie’d worn a ring around her neck on a gold chain. She’d admired it. Max had proposed marriage to her with it. “Sorry,” she said, voice tight.

“Do you see? See how you’re mad? It’s not even about you. It’s about me. You don’t get to be selfish and claim this one, Keely.” He chuckled and shook his head. “How does that make me feel? She wears his ring. Not on her finger, but she wears his ring. I told her it doesn’t bother me because I don’t want her to know it does. I have to be her strong man. Max got to be her sensitive man . . .”

“Did you want to be the sensitive one?” She said it light and singing, trying to make him laugh.

He did laugh, shaking his shoulders and staring out across at the stairs where he’d last seen Maggie. “I don’t get to be like Max, I have to be the strong one all the time, I can’t let her know, you know, when I hurt or whatever—you think I like it? You think I like how much she cares about Max? I say it’s okay because Maggie needs it to be okay. What do you think I feel inside? She still loves him.” He sighed then, and gave her a serious face. “Not like in a way you should worry. Or me, even. It’s not like that.” He shrugged, looked away. “She still wears his engagement ring around her neck.”

He looked back, steadied his eyes on hers, wanting someone to listen to him. She knew there was no way he’d ever shared this with any of his friends. This was a deep, dark secret he’d opened up to her. Max was his best friend, and he wouldn’t say it to Max. And he’d be too macho to open up to one of his other buddies.

“I get it,” she whispered, put out her hand. He held her fingers and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. It was tender and sweet, and Cole surprised the fuck out of her today. “I get it, Cole. I get it. It’s you and me, chum. We’ll watch out for each other.”