This Quest is Bullshit - Epilogue

Epilogue - Life Quest Complete

Eve sat back in her chair, taking a few moments to catch her breath and sip from her glass of vintage champagne as the party continued around her. She’d needed this. They’d all needed this. For all involved but for Eve, Wes, and Preston especially, the past week had been nothing short of an absolute nightmare.

But it was over. After all that work, all that preparation, all that unending stress, everything had turned out okay, and now, beneath an embroidered canopy outside Wes and Preston’s manor house, friends new and old had gathered to celebrate. If nothing else, Eve had come away from the ordeal with a newfound respect for Alvin and Lina.

Planning a wedding was hard enough when most of the guests were human.

Eve let out a contented sigh as she gazed across the reception at the happy couple, who even now refused to leave each other’s side. She smiled.

They deserve this, a stray thought reached Eve’s head, one she recognized as coming from a certain phantasmal harvester.

“They do,” Eve answered aloud, knowing only Lumy could hear her over the team of Bards performing to her left. “This and so much more.”

So, what happens next? Seems like now the wedding’s over, you’ve crossed off everything on your to-do list.

“Not quite everything,” Eve said. “But I’m not sure. I’ll probably spend some time in Nowherested, help ma out with the shop.” She glanced across the space at Martha, locked in a lively conversation with Art’s father on the topic of troublesome children. Eve grinned and gestured with her head towards Wes and Preston. “I’ll stay put at least long enough to let them enjoy their honeymoon.”

And then?

Eve shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll see what they want when the time comes. Maybe they’ll join me, maybe they’ll stay here and enjoy the married life for a bit.” After everything the couple had gone through, Eve couldn’t blame them either way.

She turned back to gazing softly across the reception at them. Preston looked exhausted and exuberant at once, his tuxedo topped off with the stylish hat that had come be his signature, decorated with the prismatic feather he’d earned for completing his life’s quest. Its ability to open portals between him and any monster he’d formed a connection with had been how he’d delivered Art’s wedding invitation. He’d never again be separated from his friends.

Wes, in contrast, had received something a bit more necessary—a class upgrade that would have made a lot of things a lot easier if he’d managed to claim it before the devouring flame had taken control. Eve Appraised him for the umpteenth time since that day.

Level 96 Master of the Devouring Flame
Unique Tier 4 Class

Life quest or not, Eve had often wondered if Wes’s reward would’ve even been possible if she hadn’t Defied the devouring flame’s control over him, at least until Lumy’d reminded her that assuming she’d been necessary was a rather self-absorbed way of thinking about it.

But you’ve decided you’re going to go after it, Lum sent, pulling Eve’s focus back to the conversation at hand.

“I think so,” she said, materializing her most prized possession in her right hand. The fist-sized Ar-gold sculpture of a scone rested heavy in her grasp. She’d already tried a dozen times to modify or experiment on the enchantments upon it, but any change she made always resulted in the device losing its function, something Eve absolutely could not have.

With a stray thought, she activated it, and a head-sized portal appeared right in front of her. Eve reached through and withdrew a cupcake—one of Alvin’s recipes.

Lumy sighed. You realize we’re at a wedding, right? The lungeon catered an entire dessert spread.

“But that’s all the way over there,” Eve laughed. “Besides, this is more fun.”

Personal Pastry Portal
Rarity: Legendary
Effect: Opens a portal to the pastry dimension, which can recreate any pastry it’s been shown.

Lumy flashed purple. I still think that’s weird quest reward. It’s clearly absurdly powerful, but the being limited to pastries is a but much.

“I love it,” Eve said, reabsorbing the Ar-gold artifact back into herself. “I’m already absurdly powerful. I don’t need something that helps me fight.”

But you need something that makes scones?

“Yes.” Eve didn’t bother trying to explain what really made the personal pastry portal so special. Lumy wouldn’t have gotten it.

Years ago, when she’d first been standing in line to visit the Questing Stones, Eve had wanted one thing more than anything else: to see the world. She’d since made pretty good progress on that, but there was always more to explore. Of course, with her myriad of dangerously fast methods of transportation, she hadn’t needed a quest reward to help her travel.

She’d needed one that gave her a reason to.

The Ar-gold scone, when she’d first touched it, had come with another reward, one Eve hadn’t even known was possible.

Secondary Quest assigned: Collect Them All
Complete the personal pastry portal’s collection of recipes.

Wes called it her Questing Scone. Eve liked the name more than she was willing to admit.

Eve finished her glass of champagne and pushed herself to her feet. “Alright,” she said, “it’s probably about time I rejoin the festivities.” She glanced over at Wes and Preston. “What’re the odds I can force one of them away from the other to make them dance with me?”

Moving from one Legendary quest to another, are we? Lumy joked.

“No,” Eve laughed. “No quests tonight. Only dancing.” With that she left the table behind to go join her friends.

She could worry about plotting the course of her next journey later. Now was not the time for grand plans or great mysteries or deadly fights. Now was the time for celebration. They’d made it. They’d run the gauntlet, faced the crucible of danger and hard times, and come out okay on the other side.

They’d also saved humanity and then the world, but compared to planning this wedding that felt like a piece of cake. Delicious, delicious, lungeon cake. Ayla’s tits did Alvin know what he was doing.

So, for the time being, Eve put her worries aside. She tabled her next quest, banished any apprehension towards the future, and let go of the tension that had snuck its way into her shoulders. Tonight, Eve was going to do exactly two things: drink, and dance.

And by the gods, the Stones, and the concept of fate about which Eve give not one solitary shit, she did.

After all, there would always be time for another adventure.

THE END

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[Author's Note] 

What a long, strange trip it's been.

When I first sat down to write what I thought was going to be a silly side project about a quest to buy a loaf of bread, I never could've imagined it becoming what it has.  From pacing circles around my living room with a big stupid grin on my face at the concept of a foot elemental to crying at my desk as Art said goodbye, I don't think I can find the words for how much this project has meant to me, which sucks because finding the words for things is kinda my job.

I want to take this moment to say, in no uncertain terms, that this story could never have existed without you.  Maybe it would've lost steam once they got to Lynthia, maybe it would've stayed a small side project or a brief palate cleanser between more serious projects.  

Wherever it would've landed, I know, without a doubt, that you made this story happen.  Your feedback, your kind words, your overwhelming show of support from royalroad and redditserials to amazon and especially here, on patreon.  

Thank you for joining me on this incredible journey.

Today marks the end of this bullshit quest, but as the epilogue says, there will always be another adventure.  I have a few ideas for side stories in the TQIB universe kicking around in my head, as well as the first chapter of my next serial already written.  

I'll be taking a week off to rest up, celebrate, and catch up on all the errands and holiday shopping that fell by the wayside as I worked to finish this story, but stay tuned for updates on future projects both within and without the world of TQIB.

It means the absolute world to me that you've chosen to join me on this grand adventure.  Here's looking forward to the next one.

-Nixia

P.S. I'll just leave this here.