Hey Everyone.

I am sorry if I sounded a little harsh in my latest post about my feelings about commissions.

But it doesn’t change my feelings about them.

I admit I used a lot of ‘Hate’ this and ’hate that’ but sometimes even I need to use some colorful language.
But it was a little too much, so here comes something I hope will bring a little less gloomy hate and some more shining love.

   I am socially awkward there is no denying.
I am in a way an odd… in fact I am very odd… I might also come across as rude, but it is really hard expression true emotions and real intentions in text.

The reason for my dislike of commissions has nothing at all to do with the people who ask for commissions. None at all. It’s my own issues, and my own problems.
I hate doing something I don’t enjoy, and I am incredibly stubborn and hardheaded.
Besides that, I have been harassed and cheated more times than I can even count by commissioners. They either wouldn’t pay or demanded a refund because they weren’t happy with the result. This is a horrible amount of my past experiences with commission work.
So that is why I cringe. I am prone to anxiety and stress and sadly, my experience has been bad with commissions.

My former post was not intended as an attack on anybody. Least of all you guys. I admit I was in a bad place, but I felt I needed to say it.

Now something positive.

I am proud, immensely proud to work and make the stuff I like and have you all support me. It truly means the world to me. I feel like I can finally walk on the streets again with a straight back and chest forward and feel a sense of joy in life.

I wake up every single day, happy, and alive, for one reason, and one reason only, in the hope and joy that my work actually will make people happy. That my silly doodles and goofy stories can bring some happiness to you all.

I LOVE the work I do in here. I truly do. I love that I am waking up every single day not thinking bad thoughts, not turning over in my bed in endless sleepless horror or pain.

You guys, and Patreon has changed my life in ways I didn’t even think were possible. I love you all, and I love your passion about my work. I truly do and I want to thank you all for your interest.

I love making art. I live for it. I want to do it for the rest of my life - if possible. In fact, when my parents and my friends ask me about my retirement plans, I am usually laughing because… I ain’t ever gonna retire. I am gonna make art and write it until I drop dead… hopefully many wonderful years from now.

I have had great experiences with commissions. The last two posts are from a commissioner who is beyond amazing. He is a patron as well, and I enjoy our engagement, because he is just wonderful and forthcoming and seeks me out. I really don’t like pressing a commissioner for information or input because I feel like a leech - I know this might be silly, but it is how I feel.

And honestly, the last few commissions I have made and the last few commission ideas I have heard has had me over the moon because they were genuinely GREAT Ideas, and I was dying to get to work. But if I don’t hear anything for a while, then it just feels like that the commissioner either changed their mind or didn’t want my work anyways.

I don’t know, anything can happen. Maybe they found another artist?
All I can say, is good for them ♥️ I hope they will be satisfied. Heaven knows I feel like I have let dozens of people down in my time.  

In fact, that is my worst fear. Letting people down. Disappointing them. Making them feel like I have failed them.

I try to live my life in the words of Robin Williams to always be kind, but even I fail at this.
And for that I am sorry.

Please accept my apology and also please, remember to be good to one another.

Love
Hammer