About trying to laze around in the dance of dragons
Added 2024-11-09 23:57:39 +0000 UTCI feel as if a lot if most of you are dissatisfied with the way the story is going. I want through this post know through your own words why and how you think or would wish for me to make the story better
Comments
The story is too introspective (I think that's the right word to use). Feels like the majority of the story is just going through useless thoughts. Multiple times we've gone through his thoughts of how strong he is, how much of a difference he could make, all for that whole thought process to be discarded after the mc mentions how much of a hassle life is.
Noctis117
2024-11-10 04:47:40 +0000 UTCThe story is fine. I liked the concept so much, I subbed here. Some concerns are with the minor spelling errors and the inconsistent attitude of the MC. Maybe giving more POVs would help?
Pokemon Master
2024-11-10 04:19:45 +0000 UTCI agree with @rockus4, the MC is very inconsistent, lazy, and too apathetic. MC is too reactive and shows some care towards a bastard, not his blood cousins.
Nicholas Ace
2024-11-10 00:33:55 +0000 UTCWith how apathetic he is, I think being in his head brings down the whole vibe of the story. Watching someone get a superpower and then not use it isn’t really interesting. Deciding they don’t want to be a hero/villain with it is fine, but not wanting to use it at all is not. If you want to keep him the way he is it might work better as a story where it’s from everyone’s pov but his, or maybe we very rarely see his thoughts after everyone misunderstands what he’s doing or something.
Lictor Magnus
2024-11-10 00:26:40 +0000 UTCI’m not dissatisfied really. I get the critics because of the SI’s mortality or conflicted/sometimes inconsistent nature. The story started with the appeal of an apathetic, “above it all”, overpowered SI. Him intervening in Lucerys vs Aemond was an odd choice to take a stand but he needed one for the plot to progress. Maybe pick a separate event that triggers it. Otherwise I’m happy with the chaos this SI is causing. I don’t want to impose any on you as I rather prefer an unusual SI and plotline
ModNsparksPhilo22
2024-11-10 00:22:57 +0000 UTCBegin his character development and make him develop some actual empathy eventually. Lucerys is a start. Also more lucerys in general
ThisIsNotCool
2024-11-10 00:13:11 +0000 UTCI did feel sorry for all the innocents who died in the Stormlands. Though I can see how his actions really drove into everyone's heads how dragons and armies mean nothing to Monterys. That the world should have been thankful for his previous indifference!
Rachel N
2024-11-10 00:08:16 +0000 UTCI love it! Honestly, all I really care about is saving all the children of the Green and Black factions and showing the nobility of westeros (the royals and all the lords) that Monterys has no interest in their games. Even making the followers of the seven and any other religion being used to further the greed and corruption of men, what it means to face a real 'God'. I'm just here for the absolute shit show Westeros has to deal with from our SI!
Rachel N
2024-11-10 00:04:54 +0000 UTCI guess the main issue I have with the character is that he seems inconsistent. He is extremely lazy and apathetic which is fine by itself. But he changes all that to save luc because he was nice to him when his blood family members seem to be nice to him from everything you wrote and he let them all suffer their canon fate. The fact he saved luc at all make it seem like he is trying to be a somewhat decent person and now he feels nothing towards directly killing tens of thousands and possibly way more through fallout. Plus for all his power he is just reacting towards canon. With all that criticism aside I actually do really enjoy your writing especially the prose you use, while the last conversation he had for the maid actually sounded like someone talking to a bored God
rockus4
2024-11-10 00:04:34 +0000 UTCI am fine with the story.
Vu
2024-11-10 00:04:26 +0000 UTCMake him care more about the world in general
Lucas Lima
2024-11-10 00:03:40 +0000 UTCI think the plot feels a bit slow because you’re focusing to much on the mc’s apathy without giving purpose so he’s become stagnant as a character, I think the best way to counteract this is to keep him the same and try to make people drag him into their schemes so you can give him character development. But those are just my thoughts, still like this story.
GoT779
2024-11-10 00:02:58 +0000 UTC
