A CONTENT UPDATE DISGUISED AS ME TELLING YOU ABOUT MY THERAPY SESSION LMAO

Hey guys!

So I wanted to hop in and quickly talk about some things I've been thinking over the past couple weeks since my last therapy session (btw therapy good, if you are able to, highly recommend lmao).

Basically one of the big things we talk about in these sessions is the way my body reacts to stress and how periods of heightened anxiety always coincide with periods of prolonged stress for me. In this most recent session we were getting into the "why" of it all and came to the point that I have an intense hatred and fear of letting people down/being a burden/being a disappointment etc. Fun.

Now, obviously my logical brain is like silly silly there's no need to feel that way BUT as we know, the anxious side of our minds aren't exactly logical so... yeah

These past couple weeks I've been trying to think on that and work out where else that could be applying in my life i.e. what other areas I could be afraid of disappointing others and thus creating stress for myself and the most obvious one to me is.. this. 

I'm the first person to stand up and say that I love what I do and I know I'm so so so fortunate to have a community like you guys that allow me to do something I love but of course there's pressure that comes with it. I have an obligation to supply you guys with content right? Right. But it's becoming increasingly clear to me that I put *too much* pressure on myself. Don't get me wrong, all the things I watch and react to.. I want to watch and react to - I would never watch something I really didn't want to - but I keep falling into the trap of trying to do too much at once.

You'd think after nearly 3 years (!!!) of doing this I'd have figured out the right balance by now... lmao.

Anyway, all this is to say that things are gonna be changing somewhat around here. I know I change things like every couple months and that must be frustrating for you guys - it is for me as well trust me - but I think this, in the long run will be the best for everyone.

Essentially my plan... is to have no real plan. At least for the time being, until I'm mentally fully back on my feet again, I'm just gonna film what I want, when I want and try not to worry about letting people down.

I understand that this may mean that if whatever show or content you've especially signed up here for isn't coming as regularly as you'd like that you may want to back out of your pledge and that's absolutely fine. I get it completely. But please know that if I could watch everything at once, I would and I'm doing this for the sake of my mental health which, as we know, has to come first.

This goes for all content as well btw. Variety shows, live stages, album listens, even requests. I need to stop putting too much pressure on myself because if I do, I'm constantly gonna be stressed and I'm not gonna be able to heal.

Speaking of requests, yes this does mean that they may take longer to come out and I apologise in advance for potential delays. They will all be watched of course and I highly doubt it will take me too long to catch up but if you decide to back out of your pledge before I've had a chance to watch your request, feel free to message me (preferably here on Patreon as I rarely see dms on discord) and when the time comes I can send you a link so you can still watch it once posted.

I hope this all makes sense and I once again thank you for your endless patience and understanding during these past few months where things have been so up and down for me. I already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders just typing this so I know it's the right thing to be doing.

Got a couple things on the way tonight as well as the April request form for you requesters.

Thank you for reading, hope you're all doing well. Look after yourselves, always.

- Kaia