IBHJ 1323

Arcueid bounced on her toes, her smile brightening the room. "Come on, blow out the candles already! We've got cake to share!" She clasped her hands together. "Since you're the birthday boy, you get the biggest slice, Shirou. But I call dibs on the second biggest one!"

Shirou couldn't help but smile as he leaned forward and blew out the candles. Taking the plastic knife from Artoria's outstretched hand, he positioned it over the frosting when the ground suddenly lurched beneath their feet with a deep rumble.

The cake went flying, splattering across everyone's faces in a spectacular mess. Shirou caught the worst of it, chocolate and vanilla cream coating him from forehead to chin.

He sputtered and wiped the frosting from his eyes. "What the hell was that?"

Everyone scrambled toward the door, pushing and shoving to get outside. When they finally made it through, they all froze in place, mouths hanging open.

The previously flat yard had split apart like broken glass. Sunlight poured through the jagged cracks, illuminating something that made Pandora's jaw drop.

"That's... that's a mountain of gold!" she managed to squeak out.

She was right. Through those massive fissures in the earth, they could see an absolutely enormous pile of glittering gold that seemed to go on forever.

Arcueid's hand flew to her forehead as realization dawned on her. "Oh crap, I completely forgot what Gaia told me!" She whirled around to face him, her eyes wide with panic. "You can't just make random wishes anymore, Shirou! The planet is basically obsessed with you right now. If you wish for something, even accidentally, it'll try to make it happen in the most ridiculous way possible!"

He stood there, cake still dripping from his hair, trying to process this information. "Wait, so when I wished for the rain to stop this afternoon..."

Arcueid waved her hands frantically, her voice rising with every word. "This gold is coming from other continental plates! They're literally being dragged here! You need to cancel that wish right now!" She grabbed his shoulders. "If you don't, the plate movement is going to trigger massive earthquakes all over the world!"

His eyes went wide. "Why the hell didn't you tell me this earlier?" He immediately pressed his palms together as if in prayer, words tumbling out in a rush. "I take it back! I don't want the gold mountain anymore! Please just put everything back where it belongs!"

The ground let out a series of sharp cracks, like ice breaking on a frozen lake. Slowly, the rumbling subsided, and the earth settled back into place.

Shirou slumped forward, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. "That's it. I'm officially done with birthdays. This is way too stressful."

Artoria stepped closer, her brow creased with worry. "But doesn't this mean your birthday wish went unfulfilled?"

He straightened up and met her gaze, a soft smile replacing his earlier panic. He shook his head gently. "Not at all, Artie. My wish has already come true."

"Already… come true?"

He glanced around at everyone gathered around him. A genuine, warm smile spread across his face. "My wish is simple. I want to see happy smiles on all your faces."

The silence stretched for a heartbeat before everyone broke into matching smiles.

"Well then, it looks like your wish has come true after all!" someone called out.

Arcueid threw her arms up in celebration. "Perfect! Now let's cut that cake!"

Kama rolled her eyes. "What cake, you airhead? It's splattered all over us!"

"Huh?" Arcueid patted her face, finally noticing the frosting. "Oh no! The cake!"

Artoria cleared her throat. "Don't worry about it. I already ordered another one from the bakery. Should be here any minute."

"Yes!" Arcueid pumped her fist. "New cake means I still get the second biggest slice!"

Mordred planted her hands on her hips. "Hold up! Why should you get it? I'm Dad's daughter, so obviously the second biggest piece belongs to me!"

As Mordred and Arcueid launched into their playful bickering, Shirou watched them with quiet satisfaction. This right here, this moment of pure happiness and belonging, this was exactly the kind of justice he'd always fought for.

...

The next day at school, Mordred nearly dropped her textbook when Fujimura Taiga made the announcement.

"A h-home visit?" She stared at her teacher, hoping she'd misheard.

Taiga nodded cheerfully. "That's right! It's part of our assessment process. We need to check out Akari-chan's home environment."

Mordred felt sweat forming on her forehead. "Is that really necessary? My home is totally fine, nothing weird about it at all..." Her voice cracked slightly on the last word.

A home visit? At her house? Her mind raced through the cast of characters living under that roof.

There was the man whose eyes could literally charm anyone if he forgot his glasses. The golden-haired idiot who spent most days running around in nothing but underwear. The white-haired kitchen demon obsessed with stuffing goji berries into every meal. And don't even get her started on the purple-haired lunatic who kept bringing home actual monsters as ingredients.

Morrigan and her mother were the only remotely normal ones in that entire circus.

Oh god. If Taiga saw any of that, her carefully crafted image as the cool, sophisticated student would crumble into dust. She'd go right back to being the school weirdo!

Mordred gulped and tried one more time. "Teacher, I really think this is unnecessary. My family situation is perfectly ordinary, nothing interesting to see..."

"Nonsense!" Taiga waved her hand dismissively. "This is very important for your academic development. I'll swing by tomorrow afternoon."

With that, she strolled away, leaving Mordred standing there with her mouth hanging open in horror.

Once the initial shock wore off, determination flickered in Mordred's eyes. She clenched her fist. "Fine! If I can't stop this disaster, I'll just have to prepare for it!"

…

Shirou folded his newspaper and set it on the table. "Home visit? What did you do this time? Beat up some kid?"

"What? No!" Mordred crossed her arms. "Why do you automatically assume I'm the bully here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Can you honestly picture anyone bullying you?"

Mordred opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again. She shook her head and got back to the point. "Look, the teacher's coming tomorrow, so you absolutely have to keep your glasses on, Father!"

"Come on." He groaned and leaned back in his chair. "You know I hate wearing them. It's bad enough I have to wear them outside, but in my own house?"

She leaned forward, her voice dropping to an ominous whisper. "Unless you want to deal with romantic complications. With a forty-year-old teacher."

That got his attention. He straightened up immediately. "You know what? Glasses stay on. Got it."

"Wait." Scathach's voice cut through the room like ice. She smiled, but there was nothing friendly about it. "Did you just imply there's something wrong with older women, Mordred? Perhaps we need to have a little chat about your values."

Mordred's entire body went rigid. She frantically waved her hands in front of her. "No, no, that's not what I meant at all! Mature women are amazing! Full of charm and wisdom and, uh, other great qualities!"

Scathach settled back into her seat, apparently satisfied. "Good. I'll help you prepare for tomorrow's visit then."

Mordred's shoulders sagged with relief. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Arcueid lounged against the doorframe, her lips curled into a troublemaker's grin. "So, a home visit, huh?"

Mordred took one look at that expression and knew she was in for it. She kept her face blank. "You got something to say?"

"Me? Oh no, nothing at all." she pressed a hand to her chest in mock innocence. "I just think it would be educational for your teacher to see what the school's perfect little angel is really like at home."

Tick marks practically sprouted across Mordred's forehead, and she immediately shifted into her Blue Flame Demon form, tackled Arcueid to the floor, and planted a foot on her chest. Her sword materialized in her hand, its blade hovering just above Arcueid's throat.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy with the pointy thing!" Arcueid squirmed beneath her. "Come on, Mordred!"

From across the room, Kama watched with barely contained glee. Yes! Do it, my wonderful niece! Squash that annoying roach!

Mordred pressed her foot down a little harder. "If you even think about ruining this for me, I'll raid your underwear drawer and hide everything."

Arcueid batted her eyelashes. "But I'm so adorable. Could you really be that mean to little old me?"

"I don't kill people." Mordred's grip tightened on her sword. "But squashing an annoying bug? That's a different story."

Arcueid went quiet for a moment. "..."

"Okay, okay! Message received, loud and clear!" With surprising ease, Arcueid grabbed Mordred's ankle and lifted her into the air with one hand, dangling her upside down. She brushed off her chest with her free hand. "No pranks tomorrow, promise."

"Put me down!" Mordred thrashed in the air, trying to kick at Arcueid's grip.