Legacy Chapter 11

I like what Kadar says about Raja: it puts his character into a newer more full light. The dialogue between Kadar and Ahsan feels very clean and natural. Considering the depth of the discussion, it was very moving. Especially when he talked about how much Amon, or at least what Amon might have symbolized, meant to him and how it was affected by his relationship. I think that was the tug on the heartstrings for me more than anything because it's been hinted how similar Kadar and his father are, and the fact he has rage that comes out, I suspected what happened between him and his wife. Who knows, maybe those bad memories might get buried like the well under the sand. The dialogue between Lavanya and Raja was also good: making good points without feeling hamfisted.

CastJudgment

As others have said, the pacing and the overall rollercoaster feel very natural. Excellent chapter. (A couple typos in the middle section: "one of the lioness" and "a yard few days.")

Well well. I think it is a really great chapter. The second half, from the moment Ahsan takes him to the well is very powerful, and honestly written masterfully. It's better than a lot of other areas during the whole story. Maybe because it was so important for the characters. I really liked the parts Kadar gives over the control, it feels right for him after his story, and makes everything work, and be read, better. Now I'll note some random things: There are some sentences in the beginning that are hard to make sense of, like: “Our escape from the village went relatively unnoticed, the blazing fire that used to be the brothel quite the distraction.” - Might be worth going over as some words might be missing or the phrasing should be different. Loved that area of the text: “And don’t be afraid, you don’t need to hide it here,” she says, cryptically. “No one will judge either of you. And if they do, they’ll do it silently.” It's a good addition. So powerful: "I don’t think it would matter to me what kind of species Ahsan was, or what kind of appearance or gender he had. It wasn’t a type of person I was looking for. It was a feeling. " This is the kind of thinking that made me bisexual in the first place. Happy to see Kadar finding that feeling too :3

Skie

I don't really see Kadar as being an abusive person. Honestly I feel the reason he did what he did was because he was driven to it! That's not to say I condone it in any such way, what he did was unjustified but he clearly still regrets it. With that said I also feel his gentle interactions and affection for Ahsan hm does show that he does have potential to be a kind, gentle, and certainly devoted lover! For me, I'm left with the feeling that Kadar is and always has been gay but was forced into a relationship with a female whom he clearly had zero interest in. From experience these things never work out!

Cosmo

I don't think this could have been more beautiful and intense if you tried. The roller coaster of Kadar finally feeling accepted for who he is and his past and his embrace of his feelings towards Ashan could not have been done better. There is so much care for one another between them ( not calling it love until Kadar ends up saying the L word himself ) and it's so touching to see it finally bloom. I really really hope you'll allow them to be together. (Pretty please don't axe one of them )

Y-Foxy

Beautiful chapter. So many moods and likewise so many memories. I can understand a lot of what Kadar is worrying about but hopefully with Ashen they can find some peace in their lives. What every happens from now - they have each other :) Many thanks for sharing, I am sure there is a lot in these stories that mirror your own experiences and I am honored that you would share them. Sincerely Marc

Marcwolf

I honestly don't think you could have tackled it better. The whole climax flowed just right. I never felt like I was being rushed from one reveal to another, or like I was just dropped in the middle of a fog. Everything was carefully laid out and expertly executed. Simply put: it was one of the best roller-coasters I've ever been on. Thank you so much for writing this! God I'm so freaking happy right now :)

Tiller Brown

The climax was just right! ;P Great chapter!

Dr. Anarchy

... Roller-coaster

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