Kindred - Chapter 18
Added 2020-04-21 10:34:11 +0000 UTCThis is a very 'getting from point A to point B' chapter, but it's got some important details in it. Obviously not the emotional bombshell the last chapter was, but fuck this story needed a chance to breathe.
Comments
Oh and also that's very true, him letting his guard down over desperation, maybe that innate fear is less prevalent when he's in times of need (as it stands, And as far as we know he's never had this level of bond with someone other than his mother). I guess I'm seeing this as a side to his pragmatac and realistic attitude (which as you've shown he can let go of). But having said that, caught in the act of intimacy and eliciting the reaction from ottterfa as it did would leave anyone on edge I think. But like I said, this is just my subjective interpretation
Nat Golder
2020-05-02 00:54:45 +0000 UTCI totally get that oh my gosh, and when you ask people and they're too polite to actually criticise what you've written... But anyway, I think I felt that moreso around the scenes at the bear caves than anywhere else, and I could totally feel that intention in the way you wrote him, but I still feel there were moments where he may have been a bit more careless than the way he is portrayed. To be more explicit I'd say maybe the scene where they confess their love, as it's said I think three different party members heard that, granted the place they were in (the main cave next to Odina) it seems their lack of caution came off as odd, especially when Odina's views are yet to be uncovered. I also noticed this in the scene where where Finn calls the otter chief out ("talk to your son you f***** coward"). I felt like that affection, whilsy neccessary, comes with little guard or caution. I believe Sawyer is even nearby practicing. To me it feels unfinnlike to not have some kind of nervousness or precaution to those instances. But like I said that's just me and that may also come at sacrifice for wanting those heartfelt moments whilst keeping a reasonable even flow, it may even just come off as clunky mentioning it. But something to consider atleast.
Nat Golder
2020-05-02 00:46:23 +0000 UTCWhich scene in particular made you feel that way? The way he acts around Odina? I thought I was being fairly careful about that, like limiting it to moments where he'd be too wanting for comfort to care about PDA fears, but it's sometimes hard to look at your own work retrospectively.
Rukis
2020-05-01 21:10:00 +0000 UTCThis is a fantastic story so far and I've honestly been gripped by it from the start. I love the characters and the pacing is fantastic. But being a writer myself if I could offer any feedback, I'd say I'm struggling to believe Finnigans comfort in his relationship with Tulimak infront of the others. This man has spent his entire life hiding something he fully believes is a death sentence, and the idea he is so quick to forget that, even around people he may understand as safe. It's such a primal fear and instinct to repress that around others and I can understand Tulimak not having that (granted his age and upbringing), But for Finnigan I don't see him so easily giving that fear and repression up. But hey, that's just me and it might just be the way I interpret his character. Regardless, amazing story, I'm particularly fond of your respect and portrayal of these kinds of issues. Thanks for publishing this awesome novel!
Nat Golder
2020-05-01 00:02:49 +0000 UTCThe reference to the mainstream canon--the tree supporting your franchise's branches--made me wanna cry. And I've had moments on the verge of tears recently. To your writing: I might envy you for going paragraphs of describing the environments and the transitions without dialogue. You manage to follow the adage: "Show; don't tell."
Alex Peterson
2020-04-24 00:10:56 +0000 UTCNo worries. I'll comment any typos that I spot then. Re. the second: yup. I realized that after I posted it and swiftly edited out. I guess you saw it anyway. Oops! I got confused by the sentence, I blame the lack of proper sleep.
Gotriss
2020-04-22 21:50:41 +0000 UTCCaught that first one on a second pass, but thank you for pointing it out! The second one actually isn't a typo, he is actually calling him 'the master of worrying about other people's feelings'
Rukis
2020-04-22 21:38:17 +0000 UTCGood chapter. There definitely was need for some breathing room. Reading about poverty/slums, or colonization and its effects, never fail to make me feel bad, though. BTW, do you find it useful if we report typos here in the comments? I found 2. Gonna post them here just in case: 1) "It didn’t upset me to see them interacting peacably (peaceably)" -edited out something I had missed and understood right after writing this comment-
Gotriss
2020-04-22 21:36:26 +0000 UTCLove your descriptions of the various environments and parts of the more urban areas. Its not just big and industrious and a marvel to behold... its gross and dirty and a pain to navigate daily. The little hand hold between Tuli and Finn GAVE ME LIFE. For such a small gesture its too cute. Tuli's innocence is still as precious as ever. Great chapter!
Connor Laleff
2020-04-21 19:43:23 +0000 UTCAh, yes. I am the bringer of DOOM. I knew it.
Rukis
2020-04-21 18:13:22 +0000 UTCRukis I don't want you to feel bad... but the rate you release your stories is timed perfectly with drops in the stock market. It's honestly the only indicator I trust now.
Ty Laurich
2020-04-21 12:46:40 +0000 UTC
