'Control' - Short Story (Tulimak/Finnegan)
Added 2020-06-30 09:46:08 +0000 UTCThis ended up being an unusual one, in many regards. I'll let you all give it a read and just see what you think. I got to explore some interesting things, peering into Finnegan's headspace, for once.
Adult content! At the end, anyway. Nothing I think warrants a trigger warning.
Comments
"Housewolf". I like that. I love these short stories.
CometFoxYote
2021-03-21 19:25:40 +0000 UTCLate to the party, but I just read this. I very much enjoyed this! I have struggled with anxiety and intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember, and have gone through bouts of overworking and overbusying myself in attempts to drown them out. I felt the way you wrote that through Finnegan was exactly describing those experiences I had, so I think you fid a fantastic job. :) It was also so nice to get a peek into Tuli and Finn's life together after Kindred, and how they are settling into parenting. ^^ Absolutely precious. This was quite wholesome, naughty times at the end aside (which was also very enjoyable!). I would love to see more short stories like this, snapshots into your various characters lives.
Samantha Jo Cash
2020-09-03 13:40:08 +0000 UTCLove having domestic scenes. And (spoiler?) no one died!
CastJudgment
2020-07-01 17:04:59 +0000 UTCI wish I could hug Finn and tell him to forgive himself..
Marcwolf
2020-07-01 09:47:49 +0000 UTCWhat a great story to read after a long day! Great glimpse into Finn’s mind on this one. Domestic boys are such a delight and I love the kids lol Also, +1 for clothed sex. Infinitely hotter.
Connor Laleff
2020-07-01 04:28:38 +0000 UTCSo, i totally wasn't expecting this to be an in depth character study but it made for a very good read regardless. It was very interesting to learn about Finn's inner workings and help put some of his action and motivations in Kindred in to perspective. I did find the actual sex to feel very flat and lacking you usual flair and deep sense of intimate connection though which is a shame. But i guess it was never meant to be the true focus making it feel rather rushed and tacked on rather then the thing we where working towards in the end.
Y-Foxy
2020-07-01 04:19:07 +0000 UTCYeah, I care more about word count than page count.
Alex Peterson
2020-07-01 01:44:40 +0000 UTCI don't really care about page count, I'm more aiming for word count when I do short stories. When/if this story gets put into a collection of short stories for print, it'll get entirely re-formatted, I use large font when I write to save my eyes, but I don't keep it that way for printing, don't worry.
Rukis
2020-07-01 01:29:44 +0000 UTCThis feels shorter than the page count indicates, and you write long chapters. I think the font is too big, too. The format in the file's text is my only problem. Now then, let me gather this: I see Finnegan having become a controlling workaholic perfectionist because he wants to be useful; Tulimak is also a working man, but is convinced that Finnegan will push himself to his breaking point. I'm a perfectionist myself, and I get nervous about what little things pose as problems. You well execute get the message of overexertion. About giving up control: would the symbolism weaken if Finnegan takes his shirt off before getting cuffed? Also, is it wrong that I found the sex to be not so exciting?
Alex Peterson
2020-07-01 00:34:20 +0000 UTCIt's not me doing it, actually, it's Word. This version seems to have trouble making a distinction as to where to capitalize, so you have to go back and actively fix it's attempts. Kyell actually had this issue while editing Kindred.
Rukis
2020-06-30 19:41:48 +0000 UTCAhh, am I ever so glad I woke up early for no apparent reason and getting this update!! I feel like writing POV of broken characters is walking a really thin line which, if done half-assedly, can tend to get either melodramatic or cartoonesque. However, your writing of Finn's mental dilemmas and inner (eternal, probably) fears are pretty spot on to me, without feeling preachy in the slightest... it helps that his guilt is very, very much warranted on many psychological levels. Still! Reading this kinda has me wistful, even if it is unlikely considering how perfect the ending was, for another book from his perspective, but that's simply part of a reader's greedy woes~ Thank you for this as always, I love reading about housewolf and bearpa!!
wasteprocyonid
2020-06-30 13:26:45 +0000 UTCIf you don't mind me acting as your editor once again, you've slipped back into your habit of capitalizing the pronoun after a quote. e.g. "...something," He said. (should be '"...something," he said.') You got better at it while writing the second part of Legacy and most of Kindred, but it was all over the place in this one.
Trejaan Cavelion
2020-06-30 10:34:01 +0000 UTCThat was a good one! I loved the reason for it all and the twisted way Finn has of justifying what he does.
Trejaan Cavelion
2020-06-30 10:28:55 +0000 UTC
