Mae West

I continued taking photographs on "short walks" to the most beautiful views I knew of. Just a couple years earlier, when I first got divorced at 22, I went on a hike every single day, and knew every mountain trail by heart. I even crafted my own "mountain home" in my favorite forest by dragging fallen limbs and constructing a little covered hut that I could live in should the end of the world come about. 

   One photographer decided we should go to an abandoned trailer park that had many dilapidated structures for me to pose with. He had no problem hopping "No Trespassing" signed fences. I wore nothing but thigh high stockings, a garter belt, high heels, no panties, but lovely long black velvet gloves, which I wore again for this video. We found our way into one of the abandoned buildings and it was very dark inside, though it was morning. As our eyes adjusted, we discovered that we were not the first ones to utilize this old giant garage. There were several "suped up" cars parked in there, clearly racers, and a few cars on stands which were just skeletons. I believed this to be a gangs chop shop? There were a few posters of naked girls on the wall along with indiscernible graffiti which I would call "dog piss", artless markings of territory. Then we spied a big pile of ash in the middle of the floor, which you could tell was burnt clothing. I can think of a few reasons why a gang would burn clothes in ther middle of their secret garage hideout floor, most of them less than savory, but I smiled and said, "Probably a bad case of lice!" He said, "I don't think we're should be here, I'm getting a bad feeling." I was disappointed, this would be a great, epic photoshoot spot! I said, "Ok, let's just take a few shots first and then we'll go, I'm going to pose on this little race rocket!" I jumped up on the hood, and it maybe may have bent a little bit and I might have scratched the "primo" spray paint job with my heels that I hadn't had the time to replace the heel taps on and so I was sort of walking on nail points.. I stood on the hood and bent over suggestively. I liked down against the windshield and spread my legs over the hood, I jumped in the car.. To me, this was all very funny and if the gangsters came back in the daytime, which I thought was unlikely, I would use my magic sparkly eyes to charm them into not being mad. Anyhow, I think I still have these pictures, and I'm going to look for then after I post this, and I'll share them here for you =) Then I hopped into one of the chopped up skeleton cars and as I was posing we heard the chains rattle on the outside of the garage door. At lightspeed we grabbed our shit and darted out the back door we had originally come through. We ran to the chain link fence, me completely naked and struggling to get my robe around me. We flew over the chain link fence and made a dash to our cars. We looked back, but saw no one. He paid me, and set up another shoot with me for next week. He let me choose the location. 

  I decided to take him to the place that I took the last photographer, since I never got any photos from all the epic view spots. This photographer was much more professional, he was also a doctor for Kaiser. He edited photos and sent back only several from each shoot. I wish I had them all! That second shoot was easy, uneventful, but the third shoot.. Well, as it usually goes, he said, "I want to try something different." "Different how?", I asked. Well im thinking we should try film. I want to get a suite with a kitchenette and do a little movie. You'll wear a 50s dress, pretend to cook something, then undress and roll around naked on the bed." I knew that by "roll around" he meant "I want you to do a little solo porn". This shoot paid $300 for just one hour. I was in a very desperate situation at that time. I was living in a house where a man repeatedly tried to molest me, and I often found him in my bed when I woke up "sleeping" beside me, totally naked, with an erection. One morning I woke up to him shooting cum on my back, and when i flipped around totally freaked out and disgusted, he just ran away. He was an absolute man child, like an especially incompetent 12 year old boy in a 50 year olds body. He couldn't hear "No" and often walked around the house naked singing pop songs where he changed all the lyrics to some version of "just slip it in, let it happen". I was staying here for free by the grace of my friend, but really it wasn't free at all. The cost was the constant break down of any boundaries I ever had. I adapted to this weird, creepy lifestyle because I was poor for one, and he would take us on lavish vacations and fancy dinners, and was in fact very generous in giving. It's just that the thing he wanted to give most, his dick, disgusted me and I made up my mind that I would make as much money as quickly as possible and get out. Living in this situation really made these other modeling experiences with sexual predators seem "not that bad." I told a Male friend of mine what had been going on on the house and he said, "Well, that's his payment for taking care of you. You owe him something." 

  Then my beloved angel kitten "Mae West" was suddenly looking very pregnant. It was not a good time.. I never ripped out her reproductive organs because the thought of it hurt my to my soul. Also, shes fucking Mae West and she tolerates NO MAN (cat). In fact, I do believe she has brought me more than one of her suitors heart and liver. Since I raised her as my baby angel child, she never considered herself a cat and I suspect seeing other cats is an ugly reminder that she is not my human daughter, and so she will see them all die.. I don't know, she's hard to read. But I never in one billion lifetimes expected her to get pregnant unless she was date raped or something. I mean she's fast, burly, never hesitates, has a mean triple left jab that she uses even on dogs 10x her size. And yet, her belly grew with every passing day, and it was firm. I told everyone it's just winter weight, and I myself was plagued with dreams of hiding a pregnancy. Then one day, she became very ill, and unresponsive. I could tell something was horribly wrong.. It was 10 at night and I drove her to a 24 hr vet, where they charged me $180 just to tell me she had an enormous tumor growing in her stomach, likely cancerous, though they would have to autopsy it, and that it would be $1600 to operate, or $400 to "euthanize" her. I sobbed so hard I couldn't breathe, and she was terrified, and hid inside my giant 40s camel hair trench coat. "Do you have payment plans for operation?" I finally choked out the words. "Sorry, no we need up front payment, but you can check with the office on applying for vet care credit. How's your credit?" I sobbed harder, it was in the high.. 400s.. not acceptable. I had $1200 left after paying the $180 for the after hours vet exam, and I needed exactly $1600 to move to the new place I had found. I had three days. The next day, I took my baby angel to every single vet in Sonoma County begging for help, crying at everyone in the most pitiful way and even made some office girls cry with me. Finally, the La Plaza Veterinary in Cotati, Ca. which is a small clinic run by the one vet who owns the place, came out when he heard my literal sob story and took my little baby and inspected her fat belly and said, "Shes been in a fight and she has a giant internal abscess pressing against her bladder. It will be $300 to drain and you can pay when you pick her up in 3 days." He was the kind of man who always seems grumpy and stern, but is actually a softie hero with a heart of gold. The office ladies cheered and I cried happy tears of joy and relief and love and gratitude and disbelief that something so wonderful could happen to me. I kissed my little baby goodbye and promised I would be back. 

  The next morning was the $300 hotel shoot. He was still wearing his scrubs and sweating profusely throughout the entire shoot, but remained professional. I was an excellent little actress for him, doing a "Point of View" video, pretending to cook breakfast in my fancy getup, then undressing seductively, crawling onto the bed, roll around, pose provocatively, and made it look like I was touching myself, and pretended to orgasm, Meg Ryan style, and took my $300. Not a care in the world to where this video was going and who would see it. I still don't know, and that's part of why I tell these stories. Someday, more than likely, many, many, many photographs and even more videos of this manner could pop up, and im just telling you that as a mother to a kitten and six horsies, I will always do whatever it takes to keep them happy and healthy. I took on three explicit nude shoots the third day, made the money to get in the new place and pay for kittens surgery and meds. I did it, and for a short (like a month) while, all was well.