Patreon Subscriber Update #6 - July 2017 (in August)

Oak Tree in the Storm

As many of you know, my mother died at the end of April. While still reeling from that loss, Jeane got very sick. I took her to the Emergency room, and she was in the hospital for nearly a month. I will avoid going into gross details, but she had an intestinal problem, with some life-threatening complications, and a major surgery. She is home now! Still recovering, but she is doing very well, and is getting stronger every day. 

This has been an interesting time for me because I'm used to having Jeane around, and used to her being active. I'm used to sharing the work with her. Her presence makes me feel stable. When I feel stable, I set and follow a healthy routine. And there are so many other ways that I feel safe and secure when she's doing what she does. Without this routine, I have often felt like a leaf blowing in a storm: ungrounded, uncentered, bending every which way. 

A while back, a friend told me to be the "Oak Tree in the Storm". Become still and breathe. Feel the storm's wrath, listen to its howling. Whether the storm is a turmoil of life events, anger from a friend or partner, or even a literal storm of rain and wind. Can you remain still and breathe through it? Without fighting it? Without controlling, arguing, shouting, or shutting down?

I have been about 50% successful at this. I've had to manage my time better to make sure her needs were met, while continuing to function at my job, and make time to take care of myself. I went off script quite a lot, because the grieving process was interrupted by another major life event. Sometimes I was able to become still, become centered, breathe through the pain, breathe through the stress; sometimes, I wasn't. Sometimes I was able to feed myself and keep the house clean; sometimes, I wasn't. Sometimes I was able to maintain my career path; sometimes, I wasn't. 

Sometimes I had to ask for help. Sometimes I didn't. When I couldn't take care of myself, most of the time I had friends who took care of us. A very few times, I had to go through a difficult moment by myself. Overall, we have had an enormous show of support from our friends, family, neighbors, and community. I am full of love and gratitude for all of it. 

Wherever you are in life's journey, set aside moments to become still and listen to the storm. This is not a technique, it's just part of life. Breathe. Listen. Breathe. Feel. Do your best, and don't beat yourself up if you fail. (If you do beat yourself up, become still in that storm!) Eventually, look for opportunities to do this. Find the storm, root yourself in it. Breathe. Listen. Breathe. Feel.

© 2017 Jesse and Jeane Stern, all rights reserved.