dupe

doodle dump 5

Added 2019-11-20 06:04:08 +0000 UTC

sorry i haven't uploaded one of these in like a month... i never realize how much i've drawn. patreon's image uploading applet is struggling so hard here that i have to wait 30 seconds before i see the text i'm typing right now appear.

i haven't been doodling much this month either just because i'm really... emotionally tired. it's been really nice to get hit with random strong urges to draw something Right Now Immediately though. the FaD strip, and sketches of sivan and maxine, and a lot of the meme redraws felt like "being in the zone."

tangentially... i don't think max's design is actually difficult to draw. i think i tend to mentally want to "push" designs or scenario to challenge myself or for novelty, but a lot of the time i don't realize how low-energy i am.
some ways i enjoy myself and my hobbies inherently involve a level of alertness and wellness that i don't always have, and sometimes go for long periods without, and i've only just started to realize that, and that these kinds of enjoyment can't be replaced by low-energy activities forever, and not making space and time for them actually affects my overall mental health pretty profoundly.
i'm trying to learn how to undo the antagonistic methods i've utilized internally to get myself into a more tense and technically alert headspace before while also twisting my own arm to make room for ultimately "selfish" needs like entertainment and a sense of freedom, privacy, and prestige. or... at least construct alternatives so that the more hostile methods of self-regulation are more of a last resort.
so, how that's related to max's design, is i'm trying to learn how to enjoy characters i've designed to be easy and pleasant to draw without feeling like i have to earn it by making the design difficult with the angle, pose, action, clothes, etc. this usually involves telling myself it's okay to draw things repetitiously, especially if it's in a context where i'm drawing for my own enjoyment and the act of making shapes.
on the other hand, it involves paying attention to urges and thoughts i have about challenging myself or pushing a design and knowing that isn't something inherently bad, or contrary to what i'm doing now, so not just repeating the same trite sentence at them all these internal sensations. it's definitely forced me to flex more continuous awareness of my internal states, and planning for them.

i dunno if it's applicable to anybody else's situation, but i do like to write about emotional literacy, especially when art teaches me something specifically, in case it helps somebody else move forward too.