FaD strip: tender mercies, part 1

i've been working on this strip for about half a month now, and it's been a while since i've split a fad strip into 2 parts, but it's gotten so big that i'm getting kind of anxious about the file size corrupting it, or suddenly making it inaccessible to read anymore, so i'm cutting it in half. i don't think it'll need to be cut into 3 parts.

this comic i'm not sure has a point at the end, which also makes me a little nervous. this is just one that helps me process or document a lot of emotions and thoughts i've been having.
it isn't much of a cry for help, even though it is about unrelenting suicidal urges. i feel it's been a long time since i've been so unable to cope with the amount of stress in my life that i've been a danger to myself. to me, it's still important to acknowledge that the feelings and thoughts are there, even if no one else can see them right now, though. it means a part of me is hurting very badly. i also don't like feeling on edge, thinking if something ever goes TOO wrong, these latent desires might suddenly have an opening to act again.

i'm also posting it here instead of publicly like i have been for a lot of strips because... i tend to get rude or ignorant comments regarding some of the more "persecutor" driven strips. some people are taught to scream or mock or therapize the suicidal part of their brain into submission. that didn't work for me.
i've fantasized about death since, on record, kindergarten, and i learned about the concept of suicide at age 6 or 7, the first (and definitely not the last) time i had to talk someone down from committing suicide right in front of me. it's a hugely formative part of myself and it isn't easily "resolved," because it's like "resolving" liking the taste of chocolate or being a bookworm -- a personality trait. i'm just glad i don't have a part that is only suicidal with nothing else of substance... there's a person underneath.
so i really don't need anyone projecting whatever ways they've been taught to shout down their problems onto my suicidal part, dupe. maybe this is a part of my brain that isn't really phased by criticism like that, but it personally puts me on edge when somebody basically says "i would happily turn full aggro on you if you displayed anything outside a specific set of behaviors i consider acceptable! this is how i'd treat you if you were a problem, haha!"

anyway. yeah. i'll be posting a sketch strip featuring the trio soon, since that comic only has like 5 panels left and it's also pretty long, and i'll be working on this one, and, hopefully, after this one is done, another older one from march or april about "belief" as a function of the brain. i'll also be trying to get around to posting an update about the traditional endeavors... i've done a lot since my last post.

as a side note, during "whatever the fuck" stream months, i stream pretty regularly, or i'm starting to try to, so if you want more than just streams on saturday or sunday, feel free to subscribe on twitch. i don't always make notices for them.