do you still think about it, page 7

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sorry that it took me so long to sketch this page. my hand has flared up again... right at the second-to-last panel for this one.

a few details/thoughts:

-the garnish is chives. i made the salmon fillets burnt because i thought it would be an amusing detail, that she spent so long zoning out in her fantasy that she accidentally burnt the food a bit. i didn't want it charred to a crisp or a SUPER OBVIOUS joke, so it's only a little bit visibly burnt.
ideally i wanted the cut strip of slab bacon to be the focal point that helps the audience transition to the next setting, in the same perspective as it would've splatted on the cutting board. i feel ambivalent about the transition and how i pulled it off currently.

-there is a bouquet on the table because i think sugar brings lola flowers regularly. the flowers included are red roses at the top, pink cyclamens in the middle, and white sedum flowers as filler. i could have made it slightly wilted, but i wanted to imply that sugar does this regularly. the roses are also not fully bloomed and will last longer. she has probably noticed what kinds of roses last and what roses don't by now if she consistently buys flowers and has for years.

-sugar washes her hands at the end of the page and i really debated whether to remove it or not (it's written into the script). i wanted a deep, resigned sigh, and the shot facilitated it more over a shot of the cleaned knife or no extra shot at all.
it's a peculiar behavior to wash your hands when they've been touching soap and water the whole time you've been washing dishes. sometimes, though, i will do it if i feel like i touched something particularly dirty or upsetting when i was washing the dishes, something that makes my skin crawl. i wanted her to have this subtle gesture of shame after touching the last dish, the knife, which i imagine she avoided touching until there was nothing left to wash but that.

-chose to have sugar's dish-washing style be "running water the whole time" because i want her to be more of a cleanly person, and the "dunking it all in the same tepid water to wash" style bothers me. also, i feel like her parents didn't drill into her that she needed to keep a water bill as low as possible, as they don't have financial worries.

-initial instinct was to have sugar end her interaction with the knife by holding it to her throat and cowering away from it. i decided to make the "real" way she acts with the knife less loaded with intent pretty readily. her compliance with repressing and obviating suicidal thoughts is, at this point, well-established in her patterns of behavior, and she is probably not teetering on the edge so much as wishing she were. a wistful/regretful look at the knife at an uncomfortably close angle left more about her inner life open to interpretation, including being able to interpret it as cowardice in some way.

-some things i used to try to populate the background more: drying rack and dishes in it, drying, from last night; vase with a pattern lola painted on it and bouquet; bowl of fruit to snack on (probably also patterned by lola); chairs and a dining table that sugar didn't used to have; sugar's pill organizer and separate bottle of adderall, which she doesn't take every day; refillable hand soap dispenser (need to draw the dish soap...); and rag used to wash dishes instead of disposable sponge (need to draw it draped over the edge of the dish rack in the last panel). might want to throw a sweater over a chair or put some mail on the table. i might also want to populate the counter behind her a little more. no counter left behind...

-had to decide whether sugar's glass would be full of water while she plated her food or not, decided the latter. she probably set every dish and utensil on the table first, then got the food to plate it at the table, then realized she needed to fill her glass last.
it's kind of an odd, inefficient way to do things, but i prefer it that way. she DOES have ADHD, and she is also very routine, so i think she just segments things one task at a time and focuses on that until it's all set, even if that means backtracking later.

-had to decide whether a chair would be jostled and not pushed in, but i really feel like sugar is the kind of person who will literally push a chair in if she sees it's not if she walks by it.

-wanted sugar to be visibly enjoying the food.

i think that's everything! it's unreal to me that i can write that much just about decision-making for background objects that would not be missed if i didn't draw them at all.