Nanomoral No moral no Nano?

The documentary keeps rolling.

 So this time, I filmed Nanomoral's very rare acoustic live set. It was at Shinjuku Dues. I had so much fun at this live, and felt so many great emotions. It's weird because there is kind of an underlying sadness in Nanomoral's songs, I think, yet you can't help but feel like it's at the same time a celebration of life when you hear Miku sing and Kajiwara croon like they do so very well in every song together. And also, Miku's smile is so damn infectious... even when she's bearing her soul and getting pissed off during some songs, she still returns to that billion dollar smile of hers... it's just the best smile the world maybe has ever seen. I love her so much for this. And for many other things she does for us all too, as an idol. I look forward to exploring more of her life in the weeks to come with my documentary. 

It was really cute backstage... I had Miku hold my camera, and she was saying she couldn't believe how heavy it is with all the setup. I taught her how to do some filming, and she was filming Kajiwara and actually doing a great job of filming him too! Better than me! I showed Kajiwara as well but he kind of was not as into it as Miku was, perhaps? They both were super nervous before their show, so I was trying to get their minds off what would become an absolutely incredible performance. Seriously... I could make my documentary at least another hour longer than it's going to end up being (which... don't be scared... might be at this point a three hour epic loool) JUST to show their whole concert in its entirety. It was too good. And there were so few people in attendance, which is a damn shame. I was on the stage, right next to Miku, and feeling that energy she has, and it was just... overwhelming. I almost teared up at the end... it is beyond special what these two are doing. And I'm proud to be part of what they are doing in my own little way.

I've added some more pics for all of you to enjoy. Please don't share them outside of this post.

I am going to be doing some more filming soon, but right now, I need to catch up with Idol Underworld. I'm going to be adding about four new artists if all goes well in the coming weeks. I also am going to be working on some tour stuff for Necroma coming up, and my own personal life shit as well. 

Speaking of that... update about my broken heart: Still broken. Still fucked up. Still having horrible mental loops I'm getting caught in... BUT... not as much the past two days? I have been nonstop busy, with no time to think about what I lost, but at the same time, there are daily reminders of what I lost everywhere I look. Certain things I do or happen to be involved in really remind me of HER, and that is just the worst part about this whole deal... I love Japan, I really love Tokyo, and now that love is kind of tainted because of the memories I have had with HER here. 

You know what though... of ALL things, I popped on Youtube the other night and was listening to a TED talk and some dude on there breaking down those of us who are in the broken hearts club and why we can't seem to cancel our membership in there, no matter how hard we try. I heard something interesting that's been giving me some thought.... I'm looking at the nostalgic moments of what we had together and not really looking at what I actually had with my ex... the fact that I was always trying to get her to come over and stay with me at my place, but she always had an excuse. And she liked me because I showed her new worlds that she didn't know about.. that was her number one reason for liking me, she told me once... not because she liked me for who I am... it was because I was entertaining to her for awhile and once I stopped giving her something, she wanted to move on, I guess, to something else to keep her attention. And so on. I really started to think about the negatives and there were more than I realized... except, of course, for our little paradise we had in my apartment when she would actually come over and stay with me. But even then... she always would leave early in the morning, or say she had to leave, and never really just stayed with me except for a few times. Like, I get she was busy and all, but we just couldn't have a normal relationship where she could stay with me more than a night or so. I mean, it wouldn't have been so bad except she also never really messaged me unless I messaged her, and even then, she would not talk to me ever really in depth. And so I would wait and wait to see her and then when I did, if she had brought up a problem she was having like four days earlier before seeing me, often she would forget about it or move on, or we would have to play catch up when she did see me. And that was difficult because we just couldn't talk about things the way I had hoped we would together. She was all kinds of fucked up though... I guess I should never have even wanted to expect anything "normal" with her. 

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that I didn't have this huge super fantasy relationship, and I shouldn't put it on a pedestal or even think I lost something that huge. I mean, in my heart, I don't regret anything I had with her, and I do accept the good and the bad that I had with her, but I need to look at the overall context of the relationship.

There's more, but I'm leaving it at that. Not quite the ladder out of the dark hole, but getting there. Little by little. Maybe tomorrow will be even better, even lighter? 

Talk to all of you soon I hope. And so far, nobody has given me an Patreon suggestions for tiers and what you want to see from me! Come on guys! Share some love with me here!