nudity.slip

Shooting with

Added 2025-03-21 18:00:11 +0000 UTC

Today was a rather vulnerable state.

I know that I am living a very important and transformational stage in my life. And it looks quite pleasant. Previously, I had the idea that all transformations and growth in a person only happen in complete ass, in complete collapse - that a person must reach the bottom in order to push off from it and float to the surface.

Now I understand that transformations can happen in safe spaces, on the surface, and in love also. Because the feeling of crushing is only in your head. And the only thing that moves you and develops you is time alone with yourself. When you consciously dive into your depth, find pain, fears - you allow yourself to feel them or at least simply realize them, understand how you want and how you don't want.

Today was my first experience of diving into myself in a safe space. You already know that I easily think negative thoughts - so much so that I can feel bad physically. So, being in Mexico, in a tourist town in Baja California, with a loved one, by the ocean, not needing anything - I felt constant tension. And somewhere I still can't relax... but I found the reason. And what an interesting realization came to me when I tried to figure out myself - all my tensions and fears and stresses - are connected to one and the same thing - the fear of not having a way out. Be it physical - not being able to leave the room because everything is closed, not being able to cook breakfast when my boyfriend hugs me, because his hug makes it impossible for me to move... Be it psychological - not being able to go where you want because there is just a feeling that it is impossible, or not being able to spend time alone because there is a friend who came to visit me and I have to spend time with her.

I saw in all my problems - one and the same root. And what hit me the most was that I understood where it all started and how it all transformed over time from a small situation and snowballed into claustrophobia and anxiety.

Once I taught myself negative thinking and winding - I will have to teach myself positive thinking and affirmations.

Therefore, today and the next couple of months my days will begin with: