Pisces The Walking Disaster Ch.0

"One pill, two pills, three pills, four pills..." I muttered to the idiot in the mirror, idly wondering just how badly I wanted today to go.

I took in the image before me. Took in the distorted person that stared back at me, and the echoes of who it had once been filtered into my mind.

My hands, for a moment, hesitated with the small box of what promised to be a dull day. Another day to forget. Another one to add to the endless list.

The endless list that was marked with escapes from the reality I was in.

The image in the mirror distorted with my hesitation, the glow of what had been, what could still be, shined out towards me. A promise full of hope and naivete all at once hitting me. I saw fleeting images of a wonderful world. A fantasy that spoke of with awe and more.

I saw flocks of people filled with a happiness they could never imagine. People unshackled of the mundanes of a broken world.

I saw them stare back at me without disdain. Without hate and fear. It was a novelty that spoke of an age long past. An age long lost to the ravages of time. An age that even I could barely recall as nought more than a fever dream one might've had.

The glow faded as quickly as it came as my gaze tore away from those eyes of a lifelong past and focused down on my most recent escape.

It was too late anyway. Besides, I was too far behind the others for it to make a difference.

I took in a deep breath and forced Capri's fruitless endeavours and attempts to remind me of what could've been to the back of my mind.

I focused back on the pills, focused my magic across the world at large, and prepared myself for the day at hand. My consciousness slipped as the distorted image shifted back to normal at my refusal to try once again. The image returned to a mousy-looking blonde, whose lines were writ with stories of mischieve and delight. Of carelessness and disassociation.

...I probably needed at least two- It was a Red Moon, somewhere out there. One meant I'd at least have to listen to the idiots using my name in vain and I already had one to put up with already.

Yours truly, if you were wondering.

Then again, talking to myself meant I'd need at least three, 'cos then I'd have someone to whine to..? I hope that was a valid enough reason for it.

The real question though was how bad I wanted everyone else's day to go.

Briefly considering my kin for a moment, I nodded to the smiling blonde idiot in the mirror, grabbed a handful and chugged down like the champion of humanity that I was!

Unfortunately, what immediately followed told me that this particular humanity was an absolute lost cause, as I doubled over in pain.

...

The first thing that popped into my head was the new downside these magical pellets came with. That been a metaphorical shredding of half my brain and well, you know, who doesn't want their sense of reality to feel like it was going through a magical wood chipper?

The second thing?

There is no second thing, I lied, sue me.

But on the brightside- Wooo! New record!

Idly shaking the effects of downing seven pellets that held the equivalent magical energy needed to power the ducking sun- Oh god did I just magically filter myself?

Is this who I am now!?

Ugh, where's the reset button when you need it!?

I let the shiver it all came with flow through my soul as my connection to my ever so lovely band of complete utter sociopaths hell-bent on the end of the cosmos and beyond opened up!

That was a lie, of course, not all of them were crazy.

Only most.

And not a moment later, did my brain effectively decide it was time to completely disassociate from the real world!

That was quick. In fact, it was almost record-worthy!

Who knew taking magical, unregulated, prescription pills helped one speed run their apathy for everything in between the living and space?

Why do I have a distinct feeling I messed up that phrase... I could almost hear Capri correcting me for it.

Speaking of the goody two-shoes- Hey C. It's been a while huh? Now I know what you're thinking... After all this time, you must be wondering... How the devil make up artists always manage to make your favourite characters look exactly like whatever cocaine-driven idea the movie director always asked for!?

I briefly waited a moment to make sure all of that garbage filtered through- And there's the annoyance on the other side!

It's witchcraft and honestly, if anything ever looks too good to be true? Witchcraft.

Oh, I missed this!

Granted who wouldn't miss a Capricorn?

Everyone needed at least one in their life! If only to dump all their problems on 'em!

Someone you knew back in the day? Grew up ugly and got uglier through puberty Witchcraft-

Oh, C put me on hold.

I briefly contemplated going about my day and leaving it there.

Girl in the mirror somehow got prettier? Witchcraft. 

Hey, I said briefly! I tried okay? Look, full disclosure, I need someone to monologue to while the pills resurrect my ego, alright!?

Annoying supervisor got a demotion? Witchcraft.

Eh, he's recording it anyway, so..? Capri always did read my voicemails, annoying as they were.

Why do I keep giving you specific examples? 'Cos I caused them. Don't tell the others!

He was probably going to do that regardless. The only question was when.

I wasn't particularly keen on getting a visit from any of 'em any time soon. It takes like centuries to get myself ready for that cosmic drama fest of a reunion.

Yeah right! Like you're awake right now! This is why you're my favourite C- You're just so easy to monologue at sometimes! Really know how to help someone build up a backlog for their eventual biography ya know? Well, either that or another exile!

Idly slapping my face, I ignored the sudden sparkles that echoed out of my fingers and lazily fluttered to my bathroom floor. I clicked my fingers and quickly found myself standing in the middle of a busy street. With another click, the oncoming traffic that was close to hitting me suddenly found itself frozen.

No not in time- I am not that daft.

No. The Sedan, and the Mercedez that tried overtaking it were frozen. Literally. Popsicly? Was that even a word?

They were both covered in a giant popsicle.

I let out a shrug and walked towards the sidewalk and ignored the sudden gawking pedestrians. The gawking pedestrians quickly found themselves frozen in another bubble, this one very time-ish, though not by me.

If it was me they would've been completely frozen in time. Not down to three frames a second.

No, this was the shoddy work of the hellion of witches that swarmed the area looking for the cold perpetrator who'd elected to ice-cream two vehicles.

I idly took in their handiwork as they subjugated the area to their ego-infused attempts at controlling the sudden mayhem of humans realising magic was real. That was always fun. Though they had a bad habit of consistently blaming any hint of past magic use on aliens for some reason.

Still, ignoring human fixation on the extra terrestial- Yes, they exist. No, they don't like donuts, move on- I focused back on the actual spellwork at hand.

Neat Boundless Magic field. Terribly inefficent, but eh, I wasn't a shephard so who was I to judge the sheep?

I focused ahead, turning right as soon as I reached another cross-section littered with cars, these ones not popsiclised- I really hope that was a word- my gaze immediately swiveling upwards to the centrefold building hitched between a fast-food shop that refused to give up its lease and a new 'modern' shoe store.

Shaking my head at the latter, and the sheer number of people queuing up outside the entrance, I ignored the urge to popsiclise them and focused on my workplace and calmly walked through, tipping my head in a slight nod at the bored security guard scrolling through his phone.

Hey C, whenever you get the chance to watch this, and you find yourself wondering just how I am seemingly going from place to place so quickly its 'cos of magic. Not because of lazy world-building. And yes, my humanity's absolutely screwed when the Grand Exo-

I visibly held in the urge to throw up as a huge swarm of warnings rapidly found themselves in the deepest corners of my mind! Bounds of different shapes blaring the same word telling me to stop, different coloured flags criss-crossed over, behind and beside those objects to make them stand out more and arguably the most surreal aspect was the artificial fish that spawned in to echo out the same words.

It was like a virtual alarm clock that spawned in, slapped you upside the head and yelled out hundreds of different skin-shuddering sounds at the same time.

All in all, I now have a massive headache.

Seven pills really gave that awareness a conceptual jolt didn't it?

I shook my head off the thoughts, ignored the concerned security guard, and toned down my brain's habitual rule-breaking trait.

Yes. I am calling it a trait. No, I don't feel bad about ignoring the terms of our bet C, It was over sixty-five million years ago, get over it. I mentally waited a beat as I recalled that little event. And the dinosaurs, get over them too. 

With C's contextless confusion settled, I quickly focused back on what I was actually supposed to be doing and found my brain's complete lack of mental self-control quickly wondering towards the fact that for a high-rise building in New York City, there was a surprising amount of people that I'd walked into and amongst.

That been none.

Still, I wasn't going to let that neverending feeling of being alone put a stop to my excitement. I was on my way to get the last piece of work before my promised promotion!

The achievements said so!

And yes, C, the achievement system exists! I refuse to follow your logic on it! Mine is magical and thereofore conceptually superior.

The connection between us shuddered in response.

Evidently, even put on hold, he felt the after-effects of my superior logic.

I am not sorry for the pun. Get with the program C, this is the new me!

I snorted at the thought and idly hopped from one foot to the other as I waited for the elevator to open.

Also yes, I am going to habitually abuse the fact there's no world-buil-

My world briefly went dark as the ominous warning filtered through again.

Ha. 

My vision distorted.

Didn't even feel that! 

I could see literal ducking stars right now. Look at them waddle!

You're going to have to try hard- 

Why am I challenging the bloody Chariot!? It hurts goddamit!

I took in a deep, deep, deep- Oh whoops too deep! 

Asia just lost a pond!

I hacked out the sudden coughing fit that hit me, courtesy of having to put a ducking pond back in its place... And there's more of those stars.

Hey C... Remind me not to go for seven pills again.

Next time I am trying nine.

Beetee-dubs C the average witch can't handle more than a quarter of one. That's right, my constitutions on another level, how about that for the stat sheets?

Still, mental, physical, and conceptual breakdown aside... A large smile cut through my face as the elevator finally reached my floor. I walked in with the bravado of a Horseman amongst mortals, and decreed the sunken transportation device to lift me all the way up to the heavens!

By that, I mean I clumsily waddled in, almost tripped over the small slit of emptiness between the elevator and hell and pushed a button.

It's all very exciting... Which probably told you more about what the last few decades have been like for me, aye C? ...Anyway where I was? Right. It's almost always witchcraft.

Right, let's think up more examples to give dear old Capri so he has more reason to throw me to the wolves when the Chariot comes a knocking.

An ex suddenly found out he had enough money to get a new ferrari? Tax Evasion, caused by a rather more subtle witchcraft. Three more months and the IRS helps me win the break up! 

That was... unfortunately, a true story.

I had a feeling the Grand Sanctinomous Council of the bestest concepts of entropy and etc's- Yes, I am pluralising entropy and etcs, get over it C- wasn't going to find that abuse of magical power endearing.

So, you know C, things are finally looking up for me right now! Though considering how jumbled up this message's going to be for you, I imagine you're very confused right now? Well, no worries C! I gotchu! I am going to make it so much worse.

...I was starting to feel lightheaded for some reason- Oh god did I make a pick-up call for C or was I using my own magic!? Wait. No. That landline system died down with the dinosaurs.

Oh. Right.

It was probably the pills.