Why does anything matter?

"If you're an atheist, then you believe that after you die that's it. There's just nothing. Same for everyone else. Everything you'll ever do will eventually amount to nothing, so why bother? Nothing ultimately matters. Why do anything? Why does it matter? Why does anything matter?"

I'm so tired of theists who say stuff like this. I've heard this for decades and I've addressed it in different ways, but my rhetoric was usually pretty serious. This time, I wanted to mercilessly ridicule the stupidity of this argument. So, here's a little comedy skit I came up with, which will probably become my next animation...

*Family sitting down at the table, enjoying a spaghetti dinner.*

Husband - What are we having tonight, dear?

Wife - I made spaghetti!

Husband - Oh, my favorite!

*Family digs in. Fades to middle of the meal. Fades to end of the meal*

Husband - Ah, that was absolutely delish.

Wife - Why thank you, honey.

Husband - And you know, it was perfectly proportioned too. Not too much spaghetti. Not too little. Just right. I especially like the way the meal had a beginning, middle, and end. In the beginning, we were all super hungry, but by the middle we were enjoying being filled up, and toward the end, when enough was enough, the meal had fulfilled its purpose and there was no longer a reason to keep eating spaghetti. It was delicious and will provide our bodies with plenty of energy and nourishment.

Wife - Well, honey, it wasn’t exactly perfectly proportioned. See, we’ve got some left over. How about finishing up that last little bit so I don’t have to dirty up any tupperware with leftovers.

Husband - Oh I couldn’t. I’m stuffed. Kids?

Kids - Nah.

Husband - Uncle Mike? Care for seconds?

Uncle Mike - Too full.

Wife - I’ve got just the thing. Why don’t you try it with a little theism?

Husband - Theism? What’s that?

Wife - It’s a special seasoning. I’ll just sprinkle a little theism on the rest of this spaghetti, and you won’t be able to get enough.

Husband - Theism eh? What the hell, let’s give it a try. Everyone take one more helping and that ought to polish it off.

*all eating*

Husband - Oh my god. Honey, you have to make more spaghetti immediately.

Wife - I’m on it!

*wife brings out more spaghetti, and they all start eating it*

Wife - I’ll go run to the store and buy all the sauce and pasta they have.

Husband - Good thinking. Hurry up. If we run out of spaghetti before you get back, then this whole meal was utterly meaningless.

*montage of eating*

Wife - I’m back. I’ll start making more.

Husband - You see, Uncle Mike. All your doubt was for nothing. This meal won’t end after all. It does have purpose.

*montage of eating, they’re getting bigger*

Wife - Uh...I don’t think I can eat anymore.

Husband - What are you saying? Are you saying this pasta is just nothing but clumps of matter?

Wife - No, but…

Husband - This meal is just going to end and that’s it? What then? It’s just over? What was it for if it just ends?

Wife - I don’t know, but…

Husband - If the meal ends, then what’s the point, Lisa?! Huh? Why does it matter? Why does anything matter?

Wife - Okay, give me some more goddamn pasta!

*Uncle Mike vomits*

Wife - Oh god. Mike threw up into the spaghetti.

Husband - Doesn’t matter. When life gives you vomit...you...you...make vomit flavored spaghetti.

Wife - *crying* I can’t eat vomit spaghetti.

Husband - You have to, or this was all for nothing.

Wife - Oh god. I’m eating vomit.

Husband - Yeah ya are. And it’s goddamn meaningful.

*montage of eating, they’re comically huge now*

Husband - Uncle Mike, you okay?

Wife - Oh god. I...I think he’s dead.

Husband - Nah he’ll be fine.

*Uncle Mike explodes, guts fly into the spaghetti*

*They continue eating*

Wife - *crying* I can’t tell if I’m eating spaghetti or intestines.

Husband - Doesn’t matter, honey. All that matters is that this meal has a purpose, so you go ahead and you eat Uncle Mike.

Wife - But I don’t wanna eat Uncle Mike. *crying*

Husband - You eat Uncle Mike, goddamn it, and you like it!

Wife - His skull is so crunchy. *crying* I can’t eat anymore.

Husband - You nihilistic bitch!